Olympic Opening Ceremony liveblog
I watched the Olympic opening ceremonies and decided to take notes as I watched. There's a lot of snark, because it's amusing to poke fun at something, but I definitely enjoyed them. Without further ado, here's my liveblog:
-I'm mostly just here to see the Doctor light the cauldron. THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, RIGHT? NOBODY WANTS A PARADOX.
-American news anchors are annoying. Why can't they just rebroadcast the BBC with maybe onscreen footnotes if there is something American audiences need to have explained?
-Also, tumblr said Benedict Cumberbatch was in the broadcast, I thought introducing the whole thing. I don't see any Benedict. What?? Please show up later, Benedict.
-Elaborate stereotypically picturesque British landscape! Fabulous top hats!
-Geez, there is a lot going on here. People all over the stadium doing different things. Very busy and hard to follow even with a camera that zooms in on the interesting stuff. This must just look like a bunch of ants to the people in the stadium.
-Is the destruction of most of the green growing things really the image Britain wants to present to the world?
-Announcer says people in the stadium get to smell the forging. Mmmmm, smells like industrial revolution.
-Wait, they're forging a fiery ring. Didn't a noted English author have some things to say about the wisdom of that?
-Okay, here come four more rings, so there are five. I guess the Olympics are for the dwarves?
-They've got Daniel Craig and the Queen walking down a corridor and the camera spends most of its time on the Corgis. Interesting priorities.
-Somehow I don't think that was the real Queen parachuting out of a helicopter. ;)
-Kate Middleton is sitting there thinking that SHE wanted to skydive into the ceremony.
-American announcers don't seem to know the rules for when to say Union flag vs. Union Jack.
-The Queen has heard this song* a lot. I guess it gets old. ("God Save the Queen)
-Why is this signing children's choir in their pajamas? Are they up past their bedtime?
-Was that just a commercial by Dow chemical trying to bill themselves as a green business? I call BS.
-Britain, it's not polite to flaunt your national health care in front of those of us who don't have anything nearly so functional.
-JK Rowling!
-OK, that three-story carriage thing was pretty cool.
-Scary puppets! Including 100 ft tall Voldemort! Roller skating guys in top hats! Dancers who appear to be ninjas with green-rimmed eyes!
-Aaaand here comes a flock of Mary Poppins flying in. That was excellent.
-That giant baby in the middle of the arena is CREEPY.
-Hey, Rowan Atkinson played the Doctor in Curse of the Fatal Death. So we've sort of got an appearance by the Doctor.
-American female announcer after the Rowan Atkinson running dream sequence: "I don't know what kind of musician he is, but he has pretty nice legs."
-This lady in the red car and her kid on the video game seem to have gotten lost on their way to the parking lot.
-This digital era section (Frankie and June?) is even odder than the previous segment.
-Throughout the show, I've been pleased by the degree of inclusion of people of different races and disabled people.
-Wait, was that the sound of the TARDIS in this musical montage (during Bohemian Rhapsody) or am I hearing things? Well, we've cut to commercial with no sign of the TARDIS or the Doctor, so I guess I'm hearing things.
-The audience is lighting up, and not in the druggie sense. Apparently it's LED panels in the seats, not genetically modifying the audience with those glowing jellyfish proteins biologists use.
-People in giant fake mohawk heads jumping on pogo sticks or something. WTF.
-The young woman starring in this segment has SO MUCH HAIR, ZOMG!
-Aaaaaand now we have a computer guy typing in the center of the arena. Sarcastic excitement! (Yes, I heard them say he developed the world wide web. That is awesome and much more important than athletic competition, but a sort of odd and not visually gripping thing to include in the ceremony.)
-David Beckham is driving a motorboat up the Thames with some young woman carrying the Olympic torch.
-Why are we interrupting the ceremony for an interview with Michael Phelps? Watching him swim is moderately interesting, but I really don't care what he has to say.
-It's finally parade of nations time! A large portion of the athletes are carrying cameras. We are watching video of them taking video and photos. This is very early 21st century.
-Announcers decide to remind everybody that most athletes won't win anything while Albania marches past. I wonder if Albanians are going to be annoyed by that.
-A Belgian athlete starts talking on his phone while the camera lingers on him. "Hi...Oh, nothing much. I'm at the Olympic opening ceremonies, marching in front of tens of thousands of people and millions more watching on television. Where are you? Home? Oh, the cat's with you? Let me say hi. Helllooooo, snookums! Who's a good kitty? You are! Okay, that's enough with the cat. I'll call you later. Ciao!" (Note: this may not have been what he was actually saying.)
-Wait, are the Czech athletes wearing shiny blue galoshes? Because that's what it looks like. There are all sorts of odd fashion choices in this parade. Most of them fall into the general categories of sportswear, suits or blazers (usually not very well fitting), and traditional costumes. Then there's Germany, where they are wearing ugly jackets in baby blue for the men and Barbie pink for the women.
-The independent Olympic athletes who have somehow managed to be here not under a country's banner are clearly having the most fun. They're pretty much dancing around the track.
-Palau's flagbearer has hair that looks like it just needs a little powder to fit right in to 18th century. Poofy on top, braid coming out the back.
-The announcers keep talking about how much faster than usual the parade is going. Still, long parade is long. It wouldn't be quite so long for the television audience if NBC didn't go to commercial every other country. (Slight exaggeration there. Slight.)
-Solomon Islands guy who dyed your beard three colors to match your flag, I salute you. I was about to add a salute to the South African guy with a multicolored mohawk, but on second look that may be a wig. Not to be outdone, Spain has a big guy with a pink wig in a chin-length bob. The Israeli guy with his flag shaved and dyed into his hair was also quite impressive.
-I'm kind of bored and would like to go on tumblr, but lots of people are posting about the opening ceremonies. I don't want to get spoiled, so no tumblr for me right now.
-Team USA's uniform makes them look like a bunch of flight attendants. They're nice enough outfits, I just feel like the people wearing them ought to be explaining safety procedures and bringing me coffee.
-Ick, Mitt Romney is onscreen. DNW.
-Britain enters to Bowie's "Heroes." Subtle! Prince Harry looks less than enthusiastic. Lots of confetti falling from the sky, apparently seven billion pieces to represent the people on Earth. William looks less sour than his brother and seems to be clapping on beat with the music.
-Apparently the people with glowing wings are "doves riding bicycles." The glowing wings look pretty great. They really flap. Now one of them is bicycling through the air like ET! This is my favorite part since Voldemort vs. Mary Poppins-es.
-The Queen gets to the point with declaring the games open, not bothering to address everybody there by title. Good job, Liz.
-Mohammed Ali is here! I remember watching him light the cauldron when the Olympics came to my hometown of Atlanta in 1996. I'm glad he's still able to be out and about despite the Parkinson's.
-I'm not 100% pleased by the symbolism of the Olympic flag getting passed from people chosen for peacemaking to a group of soldiers. It's great for the soldiers to raise the Union flag, but the Olympic flag is a symbol of internationalism and nonviolent competition.
-The torch has passed off of the Beckham boat. I like that they run it in between the construction workers who built the stadium. Now it's being passed around a pack of teenage athletes. David Tennant, there's still time to show up!!!
-Now all the teenagers have a torch, and they're all lighting the cauldron. I guess it's nice that they're celebrating the youth and future of Britain. The pieces of the cauldron fold up, and it's all lovely. (But I'm still sad about the lack of the Doctor. Also, I'm worried that we're going to have time start to unravel, but so far everything seems to be holding up okay. I guess that point in time was not very fixed.)
-Fireworks! Shiny!
-I predicted that Sir Paul would sing "Hey Jude," and I was right! It's a great song to play in a big crowd of people in a hopeful mood. The Olympic stadium is now one big singalong. Very nice.
Overall, that was an impressive and enjoyable spectacle. I give it top grades in use of royalty, Mary Poppins, and those glowing bird wings for the doves on bicycles, scale, inclusivity, and fireworks. It loses some points for lack of visual focus at some points (more going on isn't always better) and MAJOR points for lack of David Tennant. Seriously, we had Cruella deVille but nothing from Doctor Who? Britain, I am disappointed. US broadcast also loses points for leaving us Cumberbatchless.
-I'm mostly just here to see the Doctor light the cauldron. THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, RIGHT? NOBODY WANTS A PARADOX.
-American news anchors are annoying. Why can't they just rebroadcast the BBC with maybe onscreen footnotes if there is something American audiences need to have explained?
-Also, tumblr said Benedict Cumberbatch was in the broadcast, I thought introducing the whole thing. I don't see any Benedict. What?? Please show up later, Benedict.
-Elaborate stereotypically picturesque British landscape! Fabulous top hats!
-Geez, there is a lot going on here. People all over the stadium doing different things. Very busy and hard to follow even with a camera that zooms in on the interesting stuff. This must just look like a bunch of ants to the people in the stadium.
-Is the destruction of most of the green growing things really the image Britain wants to present to the world?
-Announcer says people in the stadium get to smell the forging. Mmmmm, smells like industrial revolution.
-Wait, they're forging a fiery ring. Didn't a noted English author have some things to say about the wisdom of that?
-Okay, here come four more rings, so there are five. I guess the Olympics are for the dwarves?
-They've got Daniel Craig and the Queen walking down a corridor and the camera spends most of its time on the Corgis. Interesting priorities.
-Somehow I don't think that was the real Queen parachuting out of a helicopter. ;)
-Kate Middleton is sitting there thinking that SHE wanted to skydive into the ceremony.
-American announcers don't seem to know the rules for when to say Union flag vs. Union Jack.
-The Queen has heard this song* a lot. I guess it gets old. ("God Save the Queen)
-Why is this signing children's choir in their pajamas? Are they up past their bedtime?
-Was that just a commercial by Dow chemical trying to bill themselves as a green business? I call BS.
-Britain, it's not polite to flaunt your national health care in front of those of us who don't have anything nearly so functional.
-JK Rowling!
-OK, that three-story carriage thing was pretty cool.
-Scary puppets! Including 100 ft tall Voldemort! Roller skating guys in top hats! Dancers who appear to be ninjas with green-rimmed eyes!
-Aaaand here comes a flock of Mary Poppins flying in. That was excellent.
-That giant baby in the middle of the arena is CREEPY.
-Hey, Rowan Atkinson played the Doctor in Curse of the Fatal Death. So we've sort of got an appearance by the Doctor.
-American female announcer after the Rowan Atkinson running dream sequence: "I don't know what kind of musician he is, but he has pretty nice legs."
-This lady in the red car and her kid on the video game seem to have gotten lost on their way to the parking lot.
-This digital era section (Frankie and June?) is even odder than the previous segment.
-Throughout the show, I've been pleased by the degree of inclusion of people of different races and disabled people.
-Wait, was that the sound of the TARDIS in this musical montage (during Bohemian Rhapsody) or am I hearing things? Well, we've cut to commercial with no sign of the TARDIS or the Doctor, so I guess I'm hearing things.
-The audience is lighting up, and not in the druggie sense. Apparently it's LED panels in the seats, not genetically modifying the audience with those glowing jellyfish proteins biologists use.
-People in giant fake mohawk heads jumping on pogo sticks or something. WTF.
-The young woman starring in this segment has SO MUCH HAIR, ZOMG!
-Aaaaaand now we have a computer guy typing in the center of the arena. Sarcastic excitement! (Yes, I heard them say he developed the world wide web. That is awesome and much more important than athletic competition, but a sort of odd and not visually gripping thing to include in the ceremony.)
-David Beckham is driving a motorboat up the Thames with some young woman carrying the Olympic torch.
-Why are we interrupting the ceremony for an interview with Michael Phelps? Watching him swim is moderately interesting, but I really don't care what he has to say.
-It's finally parade of nations time! A large portion of the athletes are carrying cameras. We are watching video of them taking video and photos. This is very early 21st century.
-Announcers decide to remind everybody that most athletes won't win anything while Albania marches past. I wonder if Albanians are going to be annoyed by that.
-A Belgian athlete starts talking on his phone while the camera lingers on him. "Hi...Oh, nothing much. I'm at the Olympic opening ceremonies, marching in front of tens of thousands of people and millions more watching on television. Where are you? Home? Oh, the cat's with you? Let me say hi. Helllooooo, snookums! Who's a good kitty? You are! Okay, that's enough with the cat. I'll call you later. Ciao!" (Note: this may not have been what he was actually saying.)
-Wait, are the Czech athletes wearing shiny blue galoshes? Because that's what it looks like. There are all sorts of odd fashion choices in this parade. Most of them fall into the general categories of sportswear, suits or blazers (usually not very well fitting), and traditional costumes. Then there's Germany, where they are wearing ugly jackets in baby blue for the men and Barbie pink for the women.
-The independent Olympic athletes who have somehow managed to be here not under a country's banner are clearly having the most fun. They're pretty much dancing around the track.
-Palau's flagbearer has hair that looks like it just needs a little powder to fit right in to 18th century. Poofy on top, braid coming out the back.
-The announcers keep talking about how much faster than usual the parade is going. Still, long parade is long. It wouldn't be quite so long for the television audience if NBC didn't go to commercial every other country. (Slight exaggeration there. Slight.)
-Solomon Islands guy who dyed your beard three colors to match your flag, I salute you. I was about to add a salute to the South African guy with a multicolored mohawk, but on second look that may be a wig. Not to be outdone, Spain has a big guy with a pink wig in a chin-length bob. The Israeli guy with his flag shaved and dyed into his hair was also quite impressive.
-I'm kind of bored and would like to go on tumblr, but lots of people are posting about the opening ceremonies. I don't want to get spoiled, so no tumblr for me right now.
-Team USA's uniform makes them look like a bunch of flight attendants. They're nice enough outfits, I just feel like the people wearing them ought to be explaining safety procedures and bringing me coffee.
-Ick, Mitt Romney is onscreen. DNW.
-Britain enters to Bowie's "Heroes." Subtle! Prince Harry looks less than enthusiastic. Lots of confetti falling from the sky, apparently seven billion pieces to represent the people on Earth. William looks less sour than his brother and seems to be clapping on beat with the music.
-Apparently the people with glowing wings are "doves riding bicycles." The glowing wings look pretty great. They really flap. Now one of them is bicycling through the air like ET! This is my favorite part since Voldemort vs. Mary Poppins-es.
-The Queen gets to the point with declaring the games open, not bothering to address everybody there by title. Good job, Liz.
-Mohammed Ali is here! I remember watching him light the cauldron when the Olympics came to my hometown of Atlanta in 1996. I'm glad he's still able to be out and about despite the Parkinson's.
-I'm not 100% pleased by the symbolism of the Olympic flag getting passed from people chosen for peacemaking to a group of soldiers. It's great for the soldiers to raise the Union flag, but the Olympic flag is a symbol of internationalism and nonviolent competition.
-The torch has passed off of the Beckham boat. I like that they run it in between the construction workers who built the stadium. Now it's being passed around a pack of teenage athletes. David Tennant, there's still time to show up!!!
-Now all the teenagers have a torch, and they're all lighting the cauldron. I guess it's nice that they're celebrating the youth and future of Britain. The pieces of the cauldron fold up, and it's all lovely. (But I'm still sad about the lack of the Doctor. Also, I'm worried that we're going to have time start to unravel, but so far everything seems to be holding up okay. I guess that point in time was not very fixed.)
-Fireworks! Shiny!
-I predicted that Sir Paul would sing "Hey Jude," and I was right! It's a great song to play in a big crowd of people in a hopeful mood. The Olympic stadium is now one big singalong. Very nice.
Overall, that was an impressive and enjoyable spectacle. I give it top grades in use of royalty, Mary Poppins, and those glowing bird wings for the doves on bicycles, scale, inclusivity, and fireworks. It loses some points for lack of visual focus at some points (more going on isn't always better) and MAJOR points for lack of David Tennant. Seriously, we had Cruella deVille but nothing from Doctor Who? Britain, I am disappointed. US broadcast also loses points for leaving us Cumberbatchless.