Based on a true story.

[tardington]

Hellison lay on her sofa, the one made entirely of cats sewn together. She could see Hugh FW on the telly. Should she phone her good, selfless and humanitarian friend Tardington who wasn't gay at all and didn't fancy Hugh FW?

Nah....

Instead she thought about lovely Dr Hoff, and how she hadn't seen him for a while. Then she looked at her toe. Then she looked at the hammer. Then her toe again. Then the hammer again....