(no subject)
Well, I think I've figured out what's depressing me lately.
And its not just that approximately one month ago Miriam broke up with me, packed up her stuff, and left forever.
That's part of it, but hardly the whole story.
And its not just that now I really don't know anybody here in Nashville. I'm making some friends, but its hard to really difficult to do in a strange new town. Add onto that the fact I can't really do anything active because of my injured knee.
That's also part of it, but again, hardly the whole story.
And its not just that I destroyed my knee in a car accident.
That too is part of it, but, again, hardly the whole story.
No, the whole story is as follows.
I think what's really been bugging me lately is that its really sinking in that I'm not in college anymore. Hell, I'm basically done with my master's degree, but even while that was underway I was still hanging out with all my college friends and it still was very comfortable.
Now I've moved to Nashville, am living by myself, and going to work every weekday from 7:30-4:00. Then I either go to physical therapy or do my exercises at home until its dinner time. Then I jump on IM to talk to my old friends, who I wish I could see but I can't because they're still in L.A.
Its really sinking in that I'm an adult now. And instead of going out at night and meeting new people, going on dates, exploring the city of Nashville, etc; I'm either too tired from a long day at work, have physical therapy, my knee's too sore to drive, or a combination of all three.
So, while I'm an adult, and I should be going out and meeting people and living the single's life, I've fallen into a rut. I'm making some friends, but I feel like a burden.
Friend: "Hey, Ev, what should we do today?"
Ev: "Gee, I don't know. My knee's acting up today... do you just want to hang out around here and watch TV?"
Yeah, that's the single's life everybody loves.
Its really dawning on me that while I was in college I probably should not have had steady girlfriends. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I dated a number of girls in college, but looking back it limited my knowledge of what dating and meeting people was all about. And now that I have the opportunity to go out, make new friends, and even date around (if I were inclined), I find myself unable to do so due to my job and injury.
The exceptionally sad part about this realization is that it came through a combination of being bored at work, reading webcomics, and generally observing others around me. All these webcomics are about dating and relationships in college, and they (sadly) have made me realize I really miss that part of my college years. Moreover, I find that being single and mid-20's in Nashville just does not work. Most people are married by they time they're 21. And if they're not, they still have one or two children. And I'm just not at that place in my life to want to be married and/or have children of my own.
I really just miss the part of my life where I lived in the dorms with all my friends. Sure, we didn't all live in the same dorm... in fact, it was probably better that we didn't. Regardless, it was fabulous to jump on IM and say "Hey, let's go get dinner" and know I'd be eating some of my closest friends. Moreover, I knew that no matter what, there would be something fun to do on any given night of the week... not just the weekends. Hell, right now I'm lucky if my knee isn't hurting too much and I make it outside of my apartment on the weekends.
I won't even get into how difficult I'm finding it being Jewish in the Bible Belt.
But, there's no use lamenting my decision to come out to Nashville. In time my knee will heal. And I'll begin to make more and more friends. And eventually I'm positive I will start dating again. However, it just is very difficult waiting for all the "eventuallies" to become "now." Sure, I wish I was not in that car accident since it has severely hampered my social life. But, if I was fated to become single here in Nashville, it was going to be difficult to meet people anyways; let alone drop my barriers, fight my inner demons and start dating again.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, but I had to get some of these feelings off my chest. They say the best thing one can do is talk about his or her problems. So hopefully by spilling here some of my friends will be able to know what's going on with me, my move, and my social life. I don't know what I can do to fix some of the depression I'm feeling aside from just sucking it up, going to PT, healing up, and meeting people as best I can.
I don't even know what I'm looking for in terms of a response to this post. I suppose I'm searching for some reassurance, but at the same time I really have no idea how one would address something like this. I guess I'm just struggling to find who I really am, now that I'm here, injured and single
And its not just that approximately one month ago Miriam broke up with me, packed up her stuff, and left forever.
That's part of it, but hardly the whole story.
And its not just that now I really don't know anybody here in Nashville. I'm making some friends, but its hard to really difficult to do in a strange new town. Add onto that the fact I can't really do anything active because of my injured knee.
That's also part of it, but again, hardly the whole story.
And its not just that I destroyed my knee in a car accident.
That too is part of it, but, again, hardly the whole story.
No, the whole story is as follows.
I think what's really been bugging me lately is that its really sinking in that I'm not in college anymore. Hell, I'm basically done with my master's degree, but even while that was underway I was still hanging out with all my college friends and it still was very comfortable.
Now I've moved to Nashville, am living by myself, and going to work every weekday from 7:30-4:00. Then I either go to physical therapy or do my exercises at home until its dinner time. Then I jump on IM to talk to my old friends, who I wish I could see but I can't because they're still in L.A.
Its really sinking in that I'm an adult now. And instead of going out at night and meeting new people, going on dates, exploring the city of Nashville, etc; I'm either too tired from a long day at work, have physical therapy, my knee's too sore to drive, or a combination of all three.
So, while I'm an adult, and I should be going out and meeting people and living the single's life, I've fallen into a rut. I'm making some friends, but I feel like a burden.
Friend: "Hey, Ev, what should we do today?"
Ev: "Gee, I don't know. My knee's acting up today... do you just want to hang out around here and watch TV?"
Yeah, that's the single's life everybody loves.
Its really dawning on me that while I was in college I probably should not have had steady girlfriends. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I dated a number of girls in college, but looking back it limited my knowledge of what dating and meeting people was all about. And now that I have the opportunity to go out, make new friends, and even date around (if I were inclined), I find myself unable to do so due to my job and injury.
The exceptionally sad part about this realization is that it came through a combination of being bored at work, reading webcomics, and generally observing others around me. All these webcomics are about dating and relationships in college, and they (sadly) have made me realize I really miss that part of my college years. Moreover, I find that being single and mid-20's in Nashville just does not work. Most people are married by they time they're 21. And if they're not, they still have one or two children. And I'm just not at that place in my life to want to be married and/or have children of my own.
I really just miss the part of my life where I lived in the dorms with all my friends. Sure, we didn't all live in the same dorm... in fact, it was probably better that we didn't. Regardless, it was fabulous to jump on IM and say "Hey, let's go get dinner" and know I'd be eating some of my closest friends. Moreover, I knew that no matter what, there would be something fun to do on any given night of the week... not just the weekends. Hell, right now I'm lucky if my knee isn't hurting too much and I make it outside of my apartment on the weekends.
I won't even get into how difficult I'm finding it being Jewish in the Bible Belt.
But, there's no use lamenting my decision to come out to Nashville. In time my knee will heal. And I'll begin to make more and more friends. And eventually I'm positive I will start dating again. However, it just is very difficult waiting for all the "eventuallies" to become "now." Sure, I wish I was not in that car accident since it has severely hampered my social life. But, if I was fated to become single here in Nashville, it was going to be difficult to meet people anyways; let alone drop my barriers, fight my inner demons and start dating again.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, but I had to get some of these feelings off my chest. They say the best thing one can do is talk about his or her problems. So hopefully by spilling here some of my friends will be able to know what's going on with me, my move, and my social life. I don't know what I can do to fix some of the depression I'm feeling aside from just sucking it up, going to PT, healing up, and meeting people as best I can.
I don't even know what I'm looking for in terms of a response to this post. I suppose I'm searching for some reassurance, but at the same time I really have no idea how one would address something like this. I guess I'm just struggling to find who I really am, now that I'm here, injured and single