The end of the world and enraged hicks
1. A man in Kentucky was forced to shave off and eat his own beard. The man, Harvey Westmoreland, was approached by two potential buyers for his riding lawnmower. They argued about the price and suddenly the argument turned violent. Harvey was beaten at gunpoint before they cut off his beard and forced him to eat it.
Click to viewNow I know you must be wondering - What happened to his beard?
Well he did in fact eat it. This means, it probably came out at some point and left Harvey in relative discomfort. But don’t you fret; in the 6 months between the attack and the trial Harvey has begun to grow his beard once again. And, hopefully soon it will reach its former lengthy greatness.
2. It seems that Americans are becoming interested in an old-timey and very Hollywood-ized religious practice. The demand has become so great that the Roman Catholic Church in the United States held a conference last weekend to help clergy members learn about the practice of exercism. The conference delved into several topics from learning to revive to practice to learning how to diagnose who needs a psych consult.
There has been mixed feelings from critics and scholars in the field. Some are confused why the church would focus on this when they have bigger problems to deal with - decreasing numbers, sex abuse scandal, etc. Others believe that this is the perfect time to do this - it will take the heat off those negative issues, will make people more excited about the church, etc.
Personally I think this is ridiculous. I find it difficult to fathom that there are priests and laypeople in society today that 1) believe that the devil actually possesses people and 2) believe that saying a few prayers and spraying people with holy water will magically make the devil go away. And if they do believe these things, they should be the ones seeking psychiatric assessment.
3. THE END OF THE WORLD IS UPON US! It appears that unless they engineer higher-yielding Cacao trees, the demand for chocolate will outstrip the supply within the next 50 years.
But never fear, for they have decoded the cocoa genome and they are currently making correlations between certain characteristics that will allow the plant to be grown with disease and drought resistance, potentially with a higher proportion of healthier fats, and of course with higher yields. And, on an even more positive note, because cocoa is grown generally on small farms (not industrial farms), with the genetic advances the plant could be revolutionary for the global world community - a true green revolution (Although something tells me those tree huggers won’t be so happy - producing genetically modified food an all).
4. So everybody knows about Dancing with the Stars right? Well, a 67 year-old rural Wisconsin man was watching the show (probably a result of persistent nagging from his wife) and he became sooo enraged over Bristol Palin’s (who BTW is NOT a star - and I am not even sure how she got on there - probably a giant “donation” by her mom) routine that he pulled out a gun and shot his TV - Wisconsin Win!
However, the story takes a little bit of a downward turn at this point. It seems that he then turned the gun on his wife - now this was probably provoked either by his wife’s incessant bi**ching over the fact that he destroyed their TV and she couldn’t finish her show, yada yada, or because she made him watch it in the first place. Either way, she escaped, physically unharmed, and called the police from a neighbour’s. He has since been charged with second degree reckless endangerment - Wisconsin Fail.
5. Lastly, I bring you the one step secret to success and productivity: GET UP EARLY
And now I leave you with “Neil Young” and Bruce Springsteen singing Willow Smith’s Whip My Hair. Enjoy