A Month from Hell
First of all, I would like to say thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, posted LJ replies, stopped by to visit, etc since my last post about my dad passing away. Its been good to know how many people out there care and to know that avilina and I have friends to lean on during difficult times. Thank you all.
As those of you who read my Lady's LJ know, we got another call last Thursday. My maternal grandfather, who has been in declining health the past 5 years, had come down with pneumonia shortly before Dennis (my stepdad) passed away and had to miss the memorial service and interment ceremonies while he was recovering. I took my mom down to see him the morning of Dennis's memorial service and he was recovering pretty quickly from it at that time and was looking better than he had during any of the times I had visited in the past several months. By the weekend he had actually recovered enough to go home for a while (which he has not been able to do since sometime in the Spring), although he had not completely beaten off the pneumonia.
On Wednesday, his pneumonia re-surged dramatically and even the strongest IV antibiotics they could give him were barely slowing the progress of the disease. My mom called me on Thursday to let me know that my grandpa was not expected to survive much longer and that if I wanted one a final chance to say goodbye, I should come to Phoenix as soon as I could. I had to go to work for a while on Friday as there was a group that was coming in to use the computer lab that we manage and the other member of my team that works out of the Tucson office was in Yuma leading a workshop. I took off as soon as I could and headed to the VA hospital in Phoenix (my grandfather was a WWII Navy veteran). avilina did not come with as she had been sick most of the week and was still too unwell to make the trip (or, if we had decided she should go, would likely have ended up even worse again and missed yet more work this week). By the time I got there, my grandpa, mom and grandmother had made the decision to take him off nutrients and fluids (other than pain medication).
I spent the weekend there with my mom in my grandpa's room (the nurses brought in a couple of reclining chairs for us to sleep on and Saturday when a double room opened up with no other occupant moved us all in there to give us more room and a bed to sleep on in addition to the recliners). He was still lucid and coherent when I got there, so I got to say goodbye and hear him say that he loved me one last time before the combination of disease, pain medication and dehydration left him sleeping most of the time and not really aware when he was awake. We kept his lips and mouth moist whenever they started to dry out a little with this odd little sponge on a stick (looked kind of like a lollipop) and talked and sang to him and kept each other company. My grandma stopped by for about an hour Saturday afternoon (she is recovering from surgery and so couldn't stay long herself) and I got to visit her for a while then. My friends Gareth and Ben (along with Ben's 15 or so month old daughter, who he has custody of on the weekends) stopped by late Friday evening to keep us company for a while, and Gareth came by again with pizza when a little after 10 PM Saturday when he got off work to check on my mom and I.
About 5 AM Sunday morning there was a noticeable change in my grandpa's breathing. I notified one of the nurses and my mom and I stood there and held my grandpa's hands as his breathing slowed and he finally stopped breathing and passed away a little before 5:30. His passing was a peaceful as could be hoped for. I took my mom to my grandmother's house about an hour later, when we were both stable enough to go and I was OK to drive, to let her know in person. After the visit, I took my mom back to the VA and helped her start getting some things in order before I headed back to Tucson.
I spent the day once I got back to Tucson starting to recover a bit physically and let myself start working through the stages of grief. It was easier than when Dennis passed as I had been given a chance to say goodbye and because this was such a long time coming anyway and so not unexpected. Most of the gaming group came over last evening and we played Munchkin Booty and Apples to Apples (hamner was sick so we couldn't continue with our D&D campaign as he is GMing). It was good to have people over to socialize and spend time on something uplifting. domnall and swordmage are supposed to be coming over tomorrow night for dinner, which will be another nice break for an evening while we work through the grief and physical/mental/emotional energy recovery of the events of the past few weeks and prepare for my grandpa's memorial service (time unknown still at the moment, although my mom was hoping to have it this next Saturday).
Need to go and fix dinner now. I'll post more this week. Thank you all again for your support during this time. We'll let you know if we need anything and hopefully get together with a number of you over the following weeks.
As those of you who read my Lady's LJ know, we got another call last Thursday. My maternal grandfather, who has been in declining health the past 5 years, had come down with pneumonia shortly before Dennis (my stepdad) passed away and had to miss the memorial service and interment ceremonies while he was recovering. I took my mom down to see him the morning of Dennis's memorial service and he was recovering pretty quickly from it at that time and was looking better than he had during any of the times I had visited in the past several months. By the weekend he had actually recovered enough to go home for a while (which he has not been able to do since sometime in the Spring), although he had not completely beaten off the pneumonia.
On Wednesday, his pneumonia re-surged dramatically and even the strongest IV antibiotics they could give him were barely slowing the progress of the disease. My mom called me on Thursday to let me know that my grandpa was not expected to survive much longer and that if I wanted one a final chance to say goodbye, I should come to Phoenix as soon as I could. I had to go to work for a while on Friday as there was a group that was coming in to use the computer lab that we manage and the other member of my team that works out of the Tucson office was in Yuma leading a workshop. I took off as soon as I could and headed to the VA hospital in Phoenix (my grandfather was a WWII Navy veteran). avilina did not come with as she had been sick most of the week and was still too unwell to make the trip (or, if we had decided she should go, would likely have ended up even worse again and missed yet more work this week). By the time I got there, my grandpa, mom and grandmother had made the decision to take him off nutrients and fluids (other than pain medication).
I spent the weekend there with my mom in my grandpa's room (the nurses brought in a couple of reclining chairs for us to sleep on and Saturday when a double room opened up with no other occupant moved us all in there to give us more room and a bed to sleep on in addition to the recliners). He was still lucid and coherent when I got there, so I got to say goodbye and hear him say that he loved me one last time before the combination of disease, pain medication and dehydration left him sleeping most of the time and not really aware when he was awake. We kept his lips and mouth moist whenever they started to dry out a little with this odd little sponge on a stick (looked kind of like a lollipop) and talked and sang to him and kept each other company. My grandma stopped by for about an hour Saturday afternoon (she is recovering from surgery and so couldn't stay long herself) and I got to visit her for a while then. My friends Gareth and Ben (along with Ben's 15 or so month old daughter, who he has custody of on the weekends) stopped by late Friday evening to keep us company for a while, and Gareth came by again with pizza when a little after 10 PM Saturday when he got off work to check on my mom and I.
About 5 AM Sunday morning there was a noticeable change in my grandpa's breathing. I notified one of the nurses and my mom and I stood there and held my grandpa's hands as his breathing slowed and he finally stopped breathing and passed away a little before 5:30. His passing was a peaceful as could be hoped for. I took my mom to my grandmother's house about an hour later, when we were both stable enough to go and I was OK to drive, to let her know in person. After the visit, I took my mom back to the VA and helped her start getting some things in order before I headed back to Tucson.
I spent the day once I got back to Tucson starting to recover a bit physically and let myself start working through the stages of grief. It was easier than when Dennis passed as I had been given a chance to say goodbye and because this was such a long time coming anyway and so not unexpected. Most of the gaming group came over last evening and we played Munchkin Booty and Apples to Apples (hamner was sick so we couldn't continue with our D&D campaign as he is GMing). It was good to have people over to socialize and spend time on something uplifting. domnall and swordmage are supposed to be coming over tomorrow night for dinner, which will be another nice break for an evening while we work through the grief and physical/mental/emotional energy recovery of the events of the past few weeks and prepare for my grandpa's memorial service (time unknown still at the moment, although my mom was hoping to have it this next Saturday).
Need to go and fix dinner now. I'll post more this week. Thank you all again for your support during this time. We'll let you know if we need anything and hopefully get together with a number of you over the following weeks.