(no subject)
In the wake of the latest sockpuppet wank, of which I am actually only peripherally aware having not been actively involved in SV fandom for years, I have come to a realisation.
Fannish love, while wonderful, can totally fuck you up. I mean that. Do not chase The Big Fannish Love, for it is unwise. Cos what inevitably happens with folks with low self-esteem (like, say, ME) is that you worry that you are only liked for what you contribute--and only liked when you are actively contributing and producing. And you become convinced that no-one will like you anymore, if you're not creating something for them to consume. And your sense of self-worth becomes hopelessly tied up in your ability to produce product, and how it is received, rather than, you know... being mebbe liked for just being who you are. Not What You Do For The Fandom.
So in short: kudos for vids/websites/fanfic/meta are lovely, but don't measure your worth as a person solely by how your work is received. Cos it will fuck you up. I'm just saying.
ETA: this not an appeal for OMG LOVE. It's more a note to myself, more than anyone else, that it's not healthy to invest your self-worth in something as fickle and untrustworthy as fannish popularity.
Fannish love, while wonderful, can totally fuck you up. I mean that. Do not chase The Big Fannish Love, for it is unwise. Cos what inevitably happens with folks with low self-esteem (like, say, ME) is that you worry that you are only liked for what you contribute--and only liked when you are actively contributing and producing. And you become convinced that no-one will like you anymore, if you're not creating something for them to consume. And your sense of self-worth becomes hopelessly tied up in your ability to produce product, and how it is received, rather than, you know... being mebbe liked for just being who you are. Not What You Do For The Fandom.
So in short: kudos for vids/websites/fanfic/meta are lovely, but don't measure your worth as a person solely by how your work is received. Cos it will fuck you up. I'm just saying.
ETA: this not an appeal for OMG LOVE. It's more a note to myself, more than anyone else, that it's not healthy to invest your self-worth in something as fickle and untrustworthy as fannish popularity.