Its Still not here
Well it is the same in my life but I promised myself that I would move on...I can not live my life waiting for him to call or email or whatever...I am trying to move on and I know that it is gonna take a bit and that at times I am gonna feel like I can not go on but that is when I need to try just a little harder.
I had a dream last night that I did have a baby and that there was no one there with me....that is not really that hard to belive considering the other pregancys and how I was alone...
I am not sure what I want....Really not sure if I want a baby or if I hope that my period comes....I want to know for sure I know that....not just fucking maybes...
Figured out how I am gonna tell him if it is true..I am calling and telling his mother and she can tell her baby boy...Wonder what the hell is gonna happen then? I will spit in that basturds face if he even mentions us getting back together right away...Not that I dont love him and want to be with him but the fact is that if I was not pregant he may have never called me again adn then all of a sudden he thinks that all is better.....NOT HAPPENING.... I will make sure that I make him beg me to be with him....I know that I sound like a bitch but before I ever take that man back..if I do...I will make sure he does anything that I want him to do...Then I will allow him back in my life..maybe....
I just re-read that and I sound like a nut..Really I am not just sick of this shitty fucking situation...Sick of sitting here worrying while he sits at his house and pretends that all is great.....I am turning into a vindictive bitch and the thing is I can not control it..I try to be nice,,,,but I am still in bitch/ hate mode....I like the kids...but they are the only people I like...
Gotta go...Nikki....don't think that I am insane,,,,well I am but in a good way...
I had a dream last night that I did have a baby and that there was no one there with me....that is not really that hard to belive considering the other pregancys and how I was alone...
I am not sure what I want....Really not sure if I want a baby or if I hope that my period comes....I want to know for sure I know that....not just fucking maybes...
Figured out how I am gonna tell him if it is true..I am calling and telling his mother and she can tell her baby boy...Wonder what the hell is gonna happen then? I will spit in that basturds face if he even mentions us getting back together right away...Not that I dont love him and want to be with him but the fact is that if I was not pregant he may have never called me again adn then all of a sudden he thinks that all is better.....NOT HAPPENING.... I will make sure that I make him beg me to be with him....I know that I sound like a bitch but before I ever take that man back..if I do...I will make sure he does anything that I want him to do...Then I will allow him back in my life..maybe....
I just re-read that and I sound like a nut..Really I am not just sick of this shitty fucking situation...Sick of sitting here worrying while he sits at his house and pretends that all is great.....I am turning into a vindictive bitch and the thing is I can not control it..I try to be nice,,,,but I am still in bitch/ hate mode....I like the kids...but they are the only people I like...
Gotta go...Nikki....don't think that I am insane,,,,well I am but in a good way...