once upon a time there were sluts, an odd abusive kid, a black guy, and a prickhole
longggg day!! first of all i woke my ass up at 7:30 today which is quite an accomplishment for me...considering i'm usually a 1:00 girl...so yeah and then i went to the high school to help out with the freshman orientation...and let me just say that the only fun part about that was making fun of all of them, telling them the wrong places to go, and telling them off because they got reallyyyy bitchy! okay just a warning to all you freshmen: tell off a fat upperclassman and you die.
jebus..oh yeahh and they're all sluts-- and i let them know that we dont like that...and that was about it...
thennnnn...i went to the mall with jen and branden and we sat in the foodcourt for about 3 hours lol and some black guy came up to us and just started having a conversation...and he hated me...but then again nobody likes me, right branden? lol and he beat me up a lotttt and that's all i have to say about that.
oh yeah then i came home and i got a really great surprise on my fuckin answering machine...>:O grrrrrrrrrrrrr
"hi tarah, this is your dad...i just wanted to call and say hi. okay i'll call back later, i love you bye"
honestly, why the fuck does he do this to me?? what a fuckin prick. okay let's get a few things straight...
a) you are not and never will be my dad. so get that through your thick, hypocritical head. okay? you may be my father, but that doesn't make you my dad in any sense. a father is simply a biological parent. a dad on the other hand is something much deeper. and i think everyone would agree with me there. you were never there with my from the beginning and just because you're putting on this fake social mask doesn't make you worthy of my praise. yes i loved you. loved-- past tense. and the only fact that you want to see me is so that you look like a respectable father and a model citizen to your precious little church. we both know that. you're so fuckin scared of letting people in on your true self. it's pathetic really. you're just like a confused child. i'd like your church friends to see you for ONE MINUTE the way your children see you. they'd say "fuck you and dont let the door hit you on the ass on your way out". the fact that you got divorced doesn't justify 11 years of apathy and indifference to your children. you left me at the time i needed you the most. between the ages of 8-18, parental influence is the most impacting. not a statistic, it's just what i believe. because at 8, you're starting to develop. still young and naive, but more open and perceptive to your surroundings. and empty house with no father at that age is devastating. teenage years are when one needs fathers the most. the adaptation to young adult is a confusing process. guidance, support, reference, love, understanding--things a father is supposed to provide. let's see-- you werent with me at any of these times...and you want to give up on me after 18 because you feel that the only tie you have to your children is through child support. the faster they grow up and stop lightening your wallet, the better. fuck their future. fuck college. as long as you aren't legally obligated to provided for your kids, right? i guess money makes the world go round, doesn't it?? you selfish prick. you have none of the qualities i listed above. you are not my dad. stop living in your precious "jesus loves me and i'm going to be saved because i'm a great person; my friends are only good people because they go to church and tithe; my wife- she's so precious because i knocked her up; i'm so glad i have a brand new life" world okay? fuck you.
b) you don't love me. you've made that abundantly clear! so STOP SAYING IT! you insensitive prick!! i cant fuckin believe you. empty words with empty meaning. your actions have spoken and they're much louder than anything you could say to me. don't tell me you love me unless you can prove it. until then, fuck off and stop lying.
c) you act like i WANT to talk to you. like i sit by the phone day in and day out awaiting your call. you egotistical maniac! not everyone's world revolves around you. that may be how they do it up in jesus land, but not in the real world. i dont give a fuck if you call everyday or if i dont speak to you for the rest of my life. i dont want you to call. i dont want to talk to you. i can't believe you're so dense that you can't see that by now. stop fucking calling me.
i can't believe this...everytime i get happy, something shoots it down. well not this time...i've been having a pretty good week and i'm not gonna let you spoil it! here, here! and amen and halle-fuckin-lujah as your god friends would say. fuck off sir and i dont want to see or talk to you for the remainder of my days.
okay yeah just had to get that off my chest, sorry about that everyone...