he doesn't care anymore, and it's cool. we cool. it's chill, yo. because, i thought about it, and he's right. it's right. it's over. it feels good to cast off those old chains
he's given up, too, but that's a good thing. well, he says he's not giving up, but i am very skeptical. he is too free a spirit to be sticking around like this for long. it's going to be fine. he will be fine. (look inside my heart) i know this to be true.
i'm in filipino class. it's going well, i'm learning a lot. there's so very much to learn. the grammar is the best thing at this point. my classmates are fun for the most part. i happen to be a bit further along than a lot of them so it feels good to offer up some sort of help.
i'm gaining weight, finally, thank goodness. at the hospital i was way too fucking sickly skinny. 90 pounds did not look good on me. i really looked pranning when i was. putsya!
i don't get enough hours at work. i'm paying off old debts so i have no money to go out or do anything cool. i got to see mars volta on the good graces of my cousin melonie. i'm far too poor to afford anything else. the american ambulance company owns my ass, and i'm paying mommy hennie for this laptop. weeoo. it's all worth it for the future.
speaking of the future, portland. portland is going to be a wonderful experience. daniel and i are saving up to go. it will be cheaper than here, and more peaceful. i will be a barrista still, but i really think the coffee shop gig is one that suits me. rather, one i can handle. they have colleges up there too (obviously) and i get the feeling that community colleges don't differ much from place to place. i need to find something i love and go to a trade school already.
i miss my friends in the philippines. or what's left of them. i think about you guys all the time. i expected to lose touch so soon, so i don't feel that bad. i just wish more of them had things like this, or updated their respective social net- working sites more often. i wish i had the money to call overseas. or the guts. i dunno, things are all wonky. i've been skipping my medication. apparently scary stuff hap- pens to you if you skip it long enough. i've lost track of it... how very irresponsible of me. but then, i won't have the funds to continue taking it. i should talk to my shrink about it but i can't afford the visits. goddamn, the next depression is going to suck. rather, it already does.
on the upside, i'm alive, and i'll live to see my 21st burtdei. melonie and i had a deal when we were thirteen that we won't fulfill. we were very silly kids. haha! it makes me :) to think about it.