:( goin crazy

[tarabella126]

So just when I thought my world was turning around and looking like it was turning around... i realized my Granny's birthday is thursday :( I can't believe its already been 7 months since she passed on... it seems like only yesterday I walked into her room as they were shocking her back to life. It seems like only yesterday I said goodbye. I want so much to be back to "normal" but really what is normalcy? Is anyone really "normal?" I mean maybe I don't want to be normal... but back to my normal... back to how I used to be. If anybody has or hasn't notice, I have been a complete bitch since my granny passed on. I don't care what people think anymore. Maybe that's because i trusted the one kind of person you should be able to trust (a doctor) and they took my granny's life. That doesn't seem fair to me. THEN::... In my class on wednesday nights... for church... their is a St. John's Nurse in my class... and everytime I see her I want to Bitch her out... or I think... "are you the one who killed my granny" It's not fair for me to have to think like this... It's not fair to be 20 years old and no one in my family wants to talk about this. I want to talk about this... Hell I need to talk about this. How am I ever going to be emotionally stable again if I can't ever talk about this to anyone? Tell me why... for my Grandpa's funeral I had to make the family tree, and for my granny's funeral I had to make the picture boards... I had to read something at both and I had to help my dad write the ulogy? Why was all that being put onto the shoulders of a 19 year old? How come when I did I only got complaints, no "tara you did a good job" no "tara thank you for doing this" no nothing except complaints... "Tara, you didn't do this right," or "tara, theres not enough of everyone else in these photos" Well ya know what im bout to blow up on everyone and tell them to FUCK OFF. And now for Easter... out of the kindness of my heart im making photo DVD's for everyone in my family... A Photo Tribute to my granny. I've spent almost $200 on this project, And im afraid im gonna still have to spend more cuz i can't get it how i want it to be. And if one person complains... ima kill 'em.... seriously. Nobody asked me to do this i'm doing it bcuz i want to... nobody is paying me to do this... all this stuff is coming out of my pocket from my stupid part time job. I swear i'll kill someone!!!

Anyways I'm dont ranting now i guess

Happy Birthday Granny!!
I love you Forever!!