much better than me
My sister introduced me to this song and how is it that it triggered so many times, memories, painful moments that havent escaped this whole weekend. I try to get past so much but the more i try, the more everything seems to catch back up to me. I just dont understand what its going to take to finally stop this god damn striving shit and just be content. I spoke to alyssa the other day and told her i was fine, i felt fine, i felt ok but coming home nothing has appeared positive or content in me. I need bj right now...he's one of the few, actually the only one that really understands me and how i feel. It's sad to know that i have so many friends but only one truly gets me...i really dont know what im going to do next year without him...but am i that fucked up that no one understands? Where have i gone wrong in my life, what happened to my "normal" life. I'm so sick of this feeling of emptiness, numbness and yet i dont want to feel much either. I'd rather ignore my problems than get hurt with them. Im scared of turning into so much but especially my mother...i can't handle the fact that i may grow up like her, and while im home i try to spend the least amount of time with her as possible. Maybe i am like her, a cold hearted bitch with no true love or happiness in her life...i'd like to think otherwise but how can a naive person truly understand who she is, if she's too oblivious to see truth?