In your arms, in your arms I'll stay.
Hello I miss writing.
It's just that I've been tumblr-ing so much, I've gotten used to using pictures to express my feelings. Or calming images or quotes or things that make me happier.
I think it's odd, though. That I'd say "make me happier", which implies that I'm not as happy as I should be, or in simpler words just simply unhappy. Not that I really know why, and in fact I really don't know why. These later half of the year's just been a tumultuous ride of emotions and mental strength and I can sadly conclude that at 17 - yes I'm already 17 - I am not prepared for anymore surprises life has to offer.
In these past few months. I've seen coming and I've seen going. I've felt affection and relived dejection. I've pushed myself but I've also pushed others away. I've pulled some closer but I've also pulled the wrong strings. I've been rewarded generously but I guess I haven't learnt to reward generously myself. I've been understood, misunderstood, and re-understood. But I've not understood so many things and the reasons they happen.
In these past few months, I think I lost myself somewhere along the way. And the more consciously I tried to piece myself back together, the more callously and carelessly I'd fall.
I don't know anymore. No, I think I know. I think I know very well what stands behind everything. I just don't want to admit it, I just don't want to speak of it, and I just don't have enough faith in my troubles to dissipate into nothingness. It's easier to keep it in - saves you the effort, awkwardness, and judgement, sometimes.
If it's only human to feel, then why does feeling feel so rarely painful?
Hello livejournal, after 4 months. Now this is awkward.
It's just that I've been tumblr-ing so much, I've gotten used to using pictures to express my feelings. Or calming images or quotes or things that make me happier.
I think it's odd, though. That I'd say "make me happier", which implies that I'm not as happy as I should be, or in simpler words just simply unhappy. Not that I really know why, and in fact I really don't know why. These later half of the year's just been a tumultuous ride of emotions and mental strength and I can sadly conclude that at 17 - yes I'm already 17 - I am not prepared for anymore surprises life has to offer.
In these past few months. I've seen coming and I've seen going. I've felt affection and relived dejection. I've pushed myself but I've also pushed others away. I've pulled some closer but I've also pulled the wrong strings. I've been rewarded generously but I guess I haven't learnt to reward generously myself. I've been understood, misunderstood, and re-understood. But I've not understood so many things and the reasons they happen.
In these past few months, I think I lost myself somewhere along the way. And the more consciously I tried to piece myself back together, the more callously and carelessly I'd fall.
I don't know anymore. No, I think I know. I think I know very well what stands behind everything. I just don't want to admit it, I just don't want to speak of it, and I just don't have enough faith in my troubles to dissipate into nothingness. It's easier to keep it in - saves you the effort, awkwardness, and judgement, sometimes.
If it's only human to feel, then why does feeling feel so rarely painful?
Hello livejournal, after 4 months. Now this is awkward.