(no subject)
i spent the entire day on the couch with my laptop. hoping it would distract me from sitting in my room doing what i wanted to do all day. but it didn't. you always have to go to bed at some point. even people who go days without sleeping, eventually have to. i eventually had to reach this point. every so often i end up here and i dont know how i got here or how to get back to being "good." so here i sit. bad. not good, no where near good. my sweatshirt that kept me warm last night while i leaned over my garbage can, now has one sleeve rolled up and blood stains on the body.
i curled up and broke down. i didnt know who to call and i heard your voice saying no one ever calls...i wanted to let you know that even though we hardly talk, i still think about you. but the fact that i can't speak, i just cry. shit... what is going on with me.
i just want to get in my car and drive to my parents and have them hold me. i want to see susan in the morning, i want her to talk to me about life and help me sort things out. i saw her less than a week ago and she said i was doing well and could come back in a month. i cant even go 4 days... when will i get better. when.
the night is just beginning. locked up in my room with lisa loeb and my cotton scented candles. perhaps ill sleep and in the morning ill be fixed.
i curled up and broke down. i didnt know who to call and i heard your voice saying no one ever calls...i wanted to let you know that even though we hardly talk, i still think about you. but the fact that i can't speak, i just cry. shit... what is going on with me.
i just want to get in my car and drive to my parents and have them hold me. i want to see susan in the morning, i want her to talk to me about life and help me sort things out. i saw her less than a week ago and she said i was doing well and could come back in a month. i cant even go 4 days... when will i get better. when.
the night is just beginning. locked up in my room with lisa loeb and my cotton scented candles. perhaps ill sleep and in the morning ill be fixed.