[for exollent] The Journey Home From The Unknown III/III

[junjour]

The first raindrops fall just as they enter the tea plantation itself. It's been stuffy and overcast since morning, the storm hanging above their heads, but they've decided not to change their plans. Now, the rain is getting heavier by the minute. The weather's been mostly kind to them up till now, but this time it seems like it won't cut them any slack. Sehun, walking close enough next to Tao for their arms to brush, pulls out two thin transparent raincoats out of his backpack.

"It won't help much, but since we're here," he says, throwing his hand out to point at the plantation around them.

The green of the tea leaves, the cascades of them climbing up the hill, are still beautiful. They walk like this, getting mostly soaked despite the raincoats, and the plantation empties as the rain gets heavier and the evening gets closer.

"I can't film anything like this," Tao complains, giving up on using even his phone camera for the day.

"Good, you can pay attention to me instead," Sehun says, resolutely, and it startles Tao.

"Do you think ... do you think that I don't?" he asks. He is paying attention though, of course he is. Sometimes he feels Sehun's the only thing he pays attention to at all, and the way Sehun's pouting at him now makes him wonder if he's really that good at hiding it. Sehun's caught him looking before though, for too long or at things that shouldn't hold that much interest.

"Well, you can do it more now. Pay attention to me, only," Sehun says.

They've made it to the top of the hill now, the whole plantation on the palm of a hand, mists starting to slowly roll between the green, but Tao isn't really watching, instead looking at Sehun, at his wet cheeks and the way his upper lip is pulled into his mouth as if he was anxious.

"Should I call you cute, too?" he asks, suddenly remembering that night out drinking with Yixing, and Sehun's eyes dart away, like he's trying to hide something. Tao thinks it's more pleasure than annoyance at the term. He reaches for Sehun's hand, but doesn't do much more. He's still ... still not too sure about taking things from Sehun, still more sure when Sehun's the one that comes to him first, because then it's clear Sehun wants. Tao doesn't know if Sehun wants him always, just like Tao always wants Sehun, or if for Sehun it's just a thing to do, a spur of a moment or adrenaline or a convenient item on the list, something to make the trip more fun. So he just tangles their fingers together and looks more at Sehun's chest than into his eyes or at his lips.

Sehun probably gets what Tao'd like to do anyway. He almost always does. He steps closer, nudging his nose against Tao's. They're practically alone now, and Tao presses their lips together, slips his hands under Sehun's raincoat, against his warm tummy, and sucks Sehun's tongue into his mouth. Kissing in the rain, kissing Sehun in the rain, is wonderful.

8. kiss in the rain III

The rain doesn't stop. It still pounds heavy against the windows of their room next morning, and their laundry is still wet on the back porch when Tao goes to check. He's glad this guest house let them use the washing machine last night, but now they're left with heaps of wet clothes and dreadful weather outside.

"I'm just not getting up then," Sehun states, still buried under the light blanket. Tao goes to talk to the guest house owner about staying one more night. He comes back with breakfast, and Sehun almost upends the tray that Tao just set down on the bed when he grabs for Tao and kisses him.

"Breakfast in bed. You have my love," he says. Tao freezes, and Sehun kisses him again, oblivious. When he pulls away, Tao searches for something to say, anything . . .

"Your breath kind of stinks," he comes up with.

"Shut up," Sehun retorts, grabbing the bowl of rice, but Tao notices his ears turning red.

Tao picks up his book after the breakfast while Sehun washes up and takes the empty tray down to the kitchen. When he comes back, he flops on top of the bed, head falling onto Tao's stomach.

"You're still reading that?" he asks, scratching at the book cover with his nails.

"Well, I almost never have the time, but I figured that now is the moment."

"No," Sehun says, grabbing the book and throwing it away. "I told you. Pay attention to me."

Tao looks down at him, shaking his head, and not really mourning the loss of the book. "Joonmyeon will be upset if I return it damaged," he says anyway. He runs his fingers through Sehun's hair, and Sehun practically mewls. His hair's grown quite a bit by now, and the roots are showing, making his bleach almost as tacky as Tao's light green hair is.

"Why are you reading that anyway?" Sehun asks, eyes closed, hands playing with his own sleep shirt.

"I told you already," Tao starts, but the lie feels bitter on his tongue. He almost spills everything to Sehun now, but this moment too is too perfect for his worries and gloomy future.

"I don't believe you," Sehun says, opening his eyes and looking right up into Tao's soul. He leans up on his elbows and kisses Tao's collarbone where he reaches it, then uses one of his hands to pull Tao down into a kiss. His lips are so soft, and the kiss is slow, Sehun's tongue in Tao's mouth thorough, thick with things left untold. Sehun drops back down against Tao's stomach after a while.

"I'm going to sleep more," he says, turning around and pressing his nose into Tao's stomach. He inhales deeply, Tao's shirt sticking to his lips, mumbles something about Tao smelling like tea and sea all at the same time, about him smelling good, and then he stays quiet, almost uncharacteristically still. Tao's book is too far away to reach, and much less interesting than Sehun sleeping in his lap.

"You're so cute," he tells Sehun, but Sehun doesn't seem to hear him anymore. Eventually he carefully slides more down the bed, not wanting to jostle Sehun, and sleeps too.

20. read a book

46. cuddle on a rainy day

They don't leave the bed much that day. They watch some old drama rerun on TV then just stare out of the window at the ropes of water falling from the sky. They're never not touching, and Sehun's kisses turn hungrier later in the day. His hands dip under Tao's shirt and his fingers sink into Tao's navel then rub against his nipple. Tao lets him, touching too, taking his fill of Sehun's body, eventually managing to spend minutes after minutes just kissing down his stomach, Sehun's shirt bunched up under his shoulders. Sehun's making these quiet little noises, content and growing only a little impatient when Tao gets stuck on one of his nipples or on a mole on Sehun's hipbone. Eventually, he pulls Tao up by his hair so they can kiss again, only now he has one leg hooked around Tao's thigh and his hips are jerking up, heat simmering, slow and steady. They come like that, in their shorts, much later, when Sehun grips Tao's hips and his truths get faster, the drag of the fabric on Tao's cock a little painful. Sehun never stops kissing, and Tao swallows all his moans and incoherent babbling until all there's left are short gasps of breath and stickiness of the come on their clothes. Still, Sehun doesn't seem to plan on pulling away, nuzzling against Tao's neck and cuddling up to him some more, dozing off yet again.

It's Tao who ventures out for food, later, and comes back with snacks and a bucket of ice cream. Sehun's eyes light up. Their shorts are hanging, hand washed and dripping wet, in the bathroom, and there's a music program on TV. They spoon up the melting ice cream and mock the newest music acts and their costumes until their tongues are too frozen to talk. Sehun's cure to ice cream troubles is more kissing, and Tao lets it work.

23. eat an entire bucket of ice cream

After the day they spend on the rocky beach, Sehun pulling out the balloons he's bought some time ago and making Tao fill them up with water, then chucking basically all of them at him before Tao can even blink, Tao's list and their time left on the road gets alarmingly short. He's given up on finishing his book, burying it deep into his duffel bag and trying to bury his mounting insecurities with it. Sehun's been more in contact with Jongin and Chanyeol, already planning meet ups for when he's back in Seoul and talking with Joonmyun regularly, to make sure he has all the info and updates so he won't mess up on his first days. The bucket over Tao's head is almost full too, and Tao feels it tipping. His heart is too full Sehun's laughter, off tune car singing and childish whining when he wants something, full of Sehun's relentless care and companionship. He doesn't know at all how he's going to deal with all this being taken away from him, with Sehun being swallowed by working life and occupied with his friends and family, snatched away from under Tao's touch.

He takes more and more videos of just Sehun, not even pretending to film the views and the interesting places in the background. Often he just stands a little away, watching Sehun fool around, enjoying life, sometimes purposefully showing off for Tao, sometimes pretending the camera doesn't even exist. They've taken so many selcas their common Instagram followers are starting to get annoyed, yet Tao wants more of it, wants to have every smile, every crinkle of Sehun's eyes, every moment they spend with their heads together and their hands clasped documented. Sehun, who indulges his every whim, accommodating Tao's mood swings that are growing more extreme as they climb up the west coast towards Seoul, seems impossible to retain only in pictorial evidence, moving or not. The energy of him hands on, the pull he has on Tao―that's something Tao strives and fails to capture.

48. have a water (balloons) fight

"What's going on?" Sehun asks as they turn off the main road and climb up one of the local ones, mostly gravel and remnants of mud.

"I wanted to do something," Tao says, trying to be cryptic. He can't be for much longer, but Sehun doesn't pry, only pulls all the windows down now that they're moving slowly. They get to the top of the hill, and Tao parks just off the road. The sun's set already, but the horizon is still a little pink and the view of the shore and small towns beneath them, fisher boats rocking in the waves, is amazing.

"Oh," Sehun whispers, giving Tao a questioning look.

"I have my ways," Tao just says, and lets Sehun watch the last of the day light disappear while he starts pulling things from the back of the car.

There's a bit of a clearing ahead of them, grass that tapers into a rock drop off. Tao spreads the blanket and sets down his boxes and a bag while Sehun watches silently. The paper lanterns are easy to put together, and Tao sets them around in the safe distance for when it gets dark. Only then food comes out, kimbap and fancy finger food that will hopefully taste okay even cold. Tao's gotten a bottle of red wine and two glasses too.

"How's that for an outdoors dinner?" he asks.

Sehun's eyes widen. "Yeah," he says. "I think you can tick it off your list."

Tao's brows furrow a little because Sehun's tone is a bit demure and the mention of his list makes him think of all the times he didn't want it mentioned.

"That's not the main reason I'm doing it. I mean. You've done so much already, always thinking of things, and I wanted to do something for you too. This way I didn't have to look too much for an idea because I thought you'd like it, but I can think of something else. I just―"

Sehun's kissing him, arms looped behind Ta's neck.

"It's great," he says. "So shut up about the list already."

25. have a romantic outdoor dinner

The fireworks are a little tricky to set off, later on, when the night has fallen and all the food is gone. Sehun doesn't bother to hide his amusement.

"You know, I knew a guy who burned his entire eyebrows off when doing what you're trying to do right now," he says, as Tao tries to light a colorful rocket stuck in the empty wine bottle. Sehun drank most of it, so Tao can drive them back down to the guest house they're staying in. His lips taste like bitter red wine now, and there's bit of color stuck on them too―Sehun's teeth probably look blue-ish from it.

Tao jumps back from the rocket when the wick finally catches on fire, moving quicker than he planned, and Sehun laughs but then cheers in joy when the rocket shoots up and bursts into colors. Tao manages to set off two more like that and then gives Sehun a handful of firecrackers. They watch them burn together, standing side by side, Sehun's head on Tao's shoulder.

"I don't really like floating lanterns you know. They cause forest fires," Tao says, when those are gone too. "So I thought I could cheat a little, like you with ponies, and switch them up for these," he points at the simple lanterns spread around them. "But then. I don't know. I bought one."

Sehun chuckles.

"I appreciate you abandoning your principles for me," he says, and Tao doesn't bother to deny the last part.

"Good," he says, swallowing, and holds the lantern up for Sehun to light up.

"It feels a little lonely, by itself," Sehun says as they watch it float away.

Tao doesn't have words at the moment. He squeezes Sehun's waist, and Sehun moves so he's leaning against Tao's chest.

Even after the lantern is gone, the lights on the shore are beautiful, and they stay for a long time, wrapped up in one blanket, quiet and peaceful. Tao doesn't want to notice how the atmosphere turns serene with Sehun's thumb rubbing over Tao's knuckles under the blanket, and Sehun's lips pressed against his shoulder. He presses a kiss to the crown of Sehun's head and pushes everything but this moment away.

18. release a floating lantern

41. see fireworks III + set fireworks off

"You know, I think car sex is a bit like kissing on the Ferris wheel―it's mostly just myths based on wrong input information," Tao says, when Sehun knees him into the stomach as he tries to pull his own jeans down.

One moment, they were stopping at one of the coastal rest stops to watch the sunset, the next Sehun was pressed between Tao's spread legs, Tao leaning heavily against the hood of his car. Sehun's hands were under Tao's shirt, his lips sucking a bruise into Tao's collarbones, and his cock hard, pressing against Tao's.

Now, Sehun's scrambling off Tao and trying to slide to the front seat, laughing breathlessly and leaving Tao winded and confused at the back of his car.

"That was a way too coherent analysis for my taste," Sehun says, and pushes the driver's seat all the way to the back, reclining the back rest a little. The seat bangs into Tao's knees, and he hisses.

"Get up here, so I can ride you," Sehun says, collapsing on the passenger's seat for a moment, writhing out of his jeans and tossing his tank top to the back.

"You really want to have car sex with me?" Tao asks, incredulous, but he's scrambling to obey Sehun's instruction.

"Honestly, I'm surprised it took us this long to get to it. We should have broken the car in within week one." Sehun says, and the moment Tao flops onto the driver's seat, Sehun's tugging his jeans to mid-thighs, taking the boxers with them.

"You wanted to have car sex with me since week one?" Tao's brain to mouth filter has stopped working because Sehun's fingers are stroking up and down his cock.

"Yeah, I mean, didn't you?" Sehun tilts his head and pouts, his thumb pushing into the slit of Tao's cock. "Actually, don't answer that. Just. Have you seen yourself when you drive this? Legs spread, shoulders wide, sunglasses on, all smug about being able to speed past anyone if you want to. It's hot," Sehun says, just as he straddles Tao's hips. Sehun's pupils are blown wide, and his cock is hard and leaking. Tao strokes it, tentatively, and Sehun swats his hand away, placing them on his hips instead.

"Now, it's a game. The honk can go off only after I've come," Sehun says, lifting a bit and leaning forward, resting his chin on Tao's shoulders. "Hold on."

Tao knows Sehun's working himself open with lubed fingers. He's seen him pull the lube from that love hotel they stayed in out of his back pocket. Their chests are pressed together, and Sehun's groaning right into Tao's ears, nipping on his earlobe at times. Tao can only help him hold himself up, trembling with anticipation, their cocks pressed together between them. Sehun's fast and not at all tentative about this, and Tao feels it's too soon when Sehun detaches himself from him, lubing his cock quickly and sinking down on it in one swift motion.

"Fuck," Tao says, and Sehun hisses, but presses himself down a little more, firmly seated in Tao's lap. Tao's jeans must be scratching against his ass, and his face is scrunched up in concentration. "Fuck," Tao mutters again because Sehun's definitely been too fast about this. He slides his hands down to Sehun's ass cheeks, spreads them wide, to maybe help a little, and leans a bit forward to suck at Sehun's right nipple. Sehun's breathing calms down a bit after a moment, and his next groan is less pained and more eager again. He tries to roll his hips, but Tao stops him, nails digging into his skin and the heels of Tao's palms pressing into his hipbones.

"Give it time," he says against Sehun's chest, and Sehun whines but keeps still for a little longer.

"You feel so good in me," he whispers, after another deep breath and pulls Tao up by his hair, licking into his mouth. "So, so good," he mutters into the kiss, and then he's lifting himself up and dropping down, and Tao can't stop him. It's frantic and a dizzying rush, and Sehun pushes Tao down into the seat, hands on his shoulders as he rides him. Tao keeps his hands on his ass, so Sehun doesn't slide down his thighs. Tao wants to push back and fuck into Sehun from below, but he remembers the car's horn on the steering wheel, and Sehun's challenge, so he doesn't. Instead, he slips one hand between them, taking Sehun's cock into his hand and pulling at it. He rubs his palm over the head on every upstroke, and Sehun keens, getting louder, his movements messier.

"Please, please," he's saying, nails scratching over Tao's shoulder blades.

"I want to feel you come around me," Tao whispers, and bites at pulls Sehun's bottom lip into his mouth, teeth sinking into it, and Sehun does just that, come spilling over Tao's fingers. Sehun shudders, still moving to ride it out.

Tao doesn't wait anymore. He pushes Sehun back, pressing him against the steering wheel and thrusting up. He forgets himself for a moment, holds Sehun's hips down firmly as he thrusts up the best he can, and Sehun whines and sobs above him, saying "yes, fuck, yes," and then Tao's name, over and over again. The loud honk resounds around them as Sehun arches back more, and Tao can see his cock disappearing inside him now. He's so close, and he wants to pull out, wants to push Sehun off him before it's too late, but Sehun wraps his fingers around Tao's wrists.

"No," he says, voice breaking, and he rolls his hips down once, the car horn going off one more time.

Tao comes, Sehun squeezing around him on purpose, and Tao's vision blurs on the edges, Sehun's flushed face, eyes closed, lips swollen, and a bruise forming on his neck the sole focus of Tao's being.

He squeezes Sehun's hips where he's still holding onto them, and Sehun laughs.

"I definitely don't think those car sex stories are myths," he breaths out.

16. watch a sunset III

Sehun pouts unhappily the entire time the hairdresser is coloring Tao's hair back to black.

"You know, I thought a production company and, like, TV or such wouldn't be too strict on hair colors. Aren't you all artists in a way?" he asks.

"I hate to break this to you, but even if that was true, I wouldn't keep this ugly green hair," Tao says, and Sehun puffs his cheeks out.

"I don't know, maybe I thought that as long as the hair stays, the trip hasn't really ended either," he says. But eventually, once Tao is done, he has his hair dyed too and even gets his eyebrows trimmed.

"Now, this is an end of an era," Tao jokes, aiming his rolling camera at Sehun's face and zooming in on the perfect arch of one freshly plucked eyebrow.

"Your interest in the state of my eyebrows is really touching," Sehun deadpans. Tao throws an arm around his shoulders.

"So Everland tomorrow?" he asks, and Sehun turns to him, surprised but clearly very pleasantly so.

"How did you know I'd want to go?" he asks.

"Sehun. You love amusement parks," Tao deadpans. "And I figured since it's our last day tomorrow, we should end it on a high note." It's Wednesday now, and Sehun starts his orientation on Monday, so there's really no more prolonging this trip. Sehun's mom has been asking Tao if he even plans on returning her son for the past week or so, ever since they went over the five week mark. She means well and isn't really upset, but it has only served as another countdown, another reminder of the clock ticking, the bucket swaying, too full.

So Tao has figured that maybe in a loud amusement park full of rides that give people adrenaline rush, a park that is associated with having a good, happy time, it'll be easier to cope with the impending loss.

Sehun pulls him out of his thoughts with a quick, excited hug, and then smirks at him. "For this you're even forgiven the dark boring hair."

"At least we're in it together," Tao says, and pulls at shorts strands of Sehun's hair on his neck. Sehun huffs.

Tao was so very wrong. His stomach's been hurting ever since the morning. No mater how crazy the ride is, no matter how energetic Sehun is, pulling and pushing Tao around, Tao can't enjoy it as much as he should. He keeps thinking of how it's barely an hour long drive to Seoul from Yongin and how this is really it. He doesn't know why he thought spending the last day of the trip in a crowded place where he doesn't even dare to hold hands with Sehun for too long was a good idea. But he does try, for Sehun, and Sehun's excitement is still a bit contagious at times, Sehun's power over Tao's mood ever present.

When they pass by one of the gift shops on their way to lunch, Tao catches Sehun looking back at one of the plush bears with the Everland logo on it. He sends Sehun to stand in line for their food and claims he needs to visit a bathroom.

Sehun almost drops the freshly purchased fries and drinks when Tao joins him later, with a fluffy bear in his arms.

"For you, you big man-child," he says, and Sehun's practically jumping up and down, shoving the drinks and the food at Tao and snatching the bear.

"You," he starts, then bites his lip. "How about we get out of here," he says after he swallows, hugging the rather big bear in his arms and looking at Tao from behind it, his mouth not visible.

"But it's only noon," Tao protests.

"I know," Sehun shrugs. "Let me drive. I want to go to one more place."

Tao looks between their food and the bear, Sehun's fingers squeezing the plush of it rather viciously.

"That's perfectly fine with me." The only video Tao takes in Everland is Sehun walking out of there, hands full of bear and his steps light.

+ go to an amusement park

It's a pretty dreadful half an hour before Sehun takes an exit to Incheon instead of continuing towards the part of Seoul where he lives, during which Tao bites his bottom lip to not ask what is going on, hands in fists around the bottom hem of his t-shirt and eyes set on the road in front of them.

But after they cross the bridge to Incheon, the curiosity is too big to ignore, cutting even through the anxiety rising in Tao's stomach.

"Where are you taking me?" he asks.

"Muui-do," Sehun says, taking another turn that will take them towards the port.

Okay, so Tao knows the location, but, "Why?"

"Change of plans. I want to stay out one more night, and I used to come here when I was younger with my parents."

Tao watches Sehun's profile, Sehun's expression his default blank as he navigates towards the ferry terminal. Tao's heart is beating in his ears, and he's still so very nervous and on edge, but he laughs a little because he wants Sehun to know he's particularly happy about this turn of events too.

"We're cutting it real close though," he says. "You need to call your mom."

"Yeah, I really do." Sehun nods. "So it's okay then?" he asks.

Tao squeezes his thigh and nods. "Whatever is fine with me."

They're lucky to find a free colorful beach hut in the first row on the beach, which makes Sehun practically squeal in happiness. They drop off a few of their things in the hut, and come out onto the beach just to notice the tide line descending.

"Mud fight," Sehun shouts, already barefoot and pulling his t-shirt off. Tao's chased deep after the retreating water, and eventually ends up on his back in the mud, Sehun sitting on top of him and laughing wildly. Tao's laughing too, even if his eyes are prickling with tears because there are clamps digging painfully into his ass.

"You're crazy," he says to Sehun, and Sehun throws another fistful of mud at his chest and grins.

"Honestly, I was kind of bummed we missed the Mud Festival in Boryeong, but this totally is as good as that. I'm adding it to the list of things we've done."

Tao sighs, throwing his head back and watching the sky.

"You've really liked that list, huh?" he says, because asking, 'Would you kiss me without it,' is too hard.

"Yes, I did," Sehun agrees, sliding away from Tao to lie next to him. "It will be such a pain in the ass to clean up after this."

+ have a fight in the mud

Once they're clean and fed, and Tao's filmed the mud planes slowly being swallowed by the ocean yet again, Sehun grabs his backpack from the hut. "We're making a time capsule," he says to Tao. "If you have anything you want in it, go fetch it."

It makes Tao laugh a little, how bossy Sehun sounds. He's also a little bummed he didn't know earlier, but he doesn't mind. He's gotten used to Sehun, the self proclaimed executive manager of The List. He rummages through his pockets and joins Sehun as they leave the beach and cross the road into the forest.

Sehun has a small metal box from candies they bought somewhere on the east coast in his bag, and once they manage to dig some semblance of a hole under a tree that Sehun marks, he opens it and sits cross legged in front of it.

"I know it's short notice, but do you have anything?"

Tao has a tiny strand of green hair that he asked the hairdresser for on impulse. Sehun laughs and claps like a seal when he realizes what it is. He pulls out a photo of them he must have had developed somewhere in the past few weeks, their heads together, green and blond, and only their eyes and noses visible. It's still clear they're laughing. Tao drops a ticket from Everland inside as well because he's still had it in the pocket of his jeans when they arrived at the island. Sehun does the same and that makes Tao laugh. He pulls out his guide book and tears out a page out of it, the one with the Daehan Dawon Tea plantation description. Sehun doesn't ask why. Somehow, for Tao, that was one of the best parts of this trip.

"You really caught me off guard," Tao sighs, "but look, I pealed a small part of the color off our hut to put in here too." Sehun's so gleeful about it, his laughter bright and happy.

"Okay, my turn," he says.

Tao's left speechless at the small pile in Sehun's hands. There's a ticket for the Ferris wheel they took and a picture of Tao stuffing his face with hot dogs. There's a tea leaf from the plantation, and a burnt out firecracker. There's what feels like a small ensemble of tiny rocks and pebbles, and Sehun explains without prompting.

"This one is from around the waterfall in Jeju, and this one is from Mount Halla. This is from the pebble beach from the night before we went to Oedo, and this is from the penis park. I'm kind of sorry I didn't find one that looked like a penis, honestly."

Tao would laugh, but he's reliving all the things in flashbacks as he realizes Sehun's been taking small souvenirs from all their adventures, and that's. That's another thing to add to the pile of things Sehun does that make Tao's knees weak and his heart swell. He has tickets to several parks and shrines they've been to, and the bill from their bungee jump too, and pictures of Tao or both of them together, lazy on a beach, victorious after some hike, a picture of just the hammock they've slept in. There's a dried out flower that Sehun claims is from Oedo, and sand from the first beach they watched the sunrise on.

"Sehun, this is ..." Tao trails off.

"I know the pictures won't last but," Sehun shrugs and pulls out one more piece of paper. It's the list, but it's not Tao's version, it's Sehun's, copied in hurried writing, with things added to it and comments about where they happened, notes on what Sehun should do to make certain parts of the list work, his own secret project as it unfolded. "At least when we'll go through the faded out pictures and a set of random rocks later, we'll know what it was all about. Or this might fade too," Sehun says. Tao wants to kiss him so much right now.

"I think the song writing is one of the very few things on the list we didn't accomplish," he says, a little startled by that.

Tao doesn't want to tell him about three verses of rap set to the thrum of Sehun's fingers on the steering wheel as he drove on evenings that are on a piece of paper in his back pocket. They're sappy and too revealing. Sehun looks away for a moment, searching for the lid on the ground, and Tao slips the song in too. If he's lucky enough, this too will fade away with time. It strikes him that they might never come back for the box, even if Sehun seems almost certain that they will, and he bites his lip, watching Sehun close it, memories of one summer reduced to a rattling trinket, still so heavy and dear and enormous.

"You should totally rip out a page of that book you never finished too," Sehun says, carefully. He looks like he wants to say more but drops it, instead focusing back on the box. "You're awfully quiet," he says, as he places it down into the hole.

"I'm really glad we got to do this," Tao whispers, and Sehun licks his lips in a sign of nerves before he nods and throws the first pile of soil back on the box.

When it's safely under the ground, they stand up, and Sehun reaches for Tao's hand. Tao lets him, squeezing tightly, and looking down at how they fit together.

"Sehun," he says when they start walking back. "I quit my job before we left at the end of June. There's no sabbatical leave." It's one heavy stone dropping off his chest, one of many, but he needs to tell Sehun at some point, and he's not proud of keeping quiet this long. He just didn't want to deal with it.

"I know," Sehun says, after a moment of silence, squeezing Tao's hand harder.

"You know?" Tao sounds as panicked as he feels.

"Well, I kind of guessed. I mean, your boss never sounded so kind as to give you a long sabbatical leave with no definite end, and you took the fern with you. I fucking gave it to you when you started working there," Sehun says, exasperate. "I couldn't be sure, and I tried to ask a few times, but you never seemed to want to talk about it. I figured you'd tell me eventually. Just," he pauses. "Why didn't you tell me?" he sounds a little hurt.

"I ... I don't know," Tao says. Because he didn't want pity and he didn't want it looming above both of them. He knows, secretly, Sehun worries a lot, and now he just feels worse because Sehun probably did worry anyway, and he couldn't talk about it because Tao kept him out. "I'm sorry. I first thought about doing this trip after I heard about the situation with your job from Joonmyun, and I was thinking about quitting for some time. So I did, but I didn't want it to sound like I quit just to do this. This trip wasn't about that." This trip was about Sehun, and maybe Tao screwed that up by keeping silent.

"Are you ... are you going to be okay?" Sehun asks, as they cross the road and start walking between the rows of huts towards their own. He stops abruptly and turns on his heel. "Fuck, you're not leaving, right? You're not going back to China, are you?" Tao sees the panic rising in Sehun's eyes, and he shakes his head quickly, a little overwhelmed by the storm of emotions raking through Sehun, messy and unreadable.

"No. I mean. It is an option, but it's like the last resort. I want to stay, but I don't know how long I can if I don't figure things out."

"This better fucking not be a good bye trip," Sehun says, and he sounds angry.

"It's not," Tao promises. At least not the way Sehun's asking about. He should say 'I promise it's not', but it's stuck in his throat.

"You'll figure it out. I'll help. I'll make you read entire Joonmyun-hyung's library if needed," Sehun says suddenly, and Tao can see the wheels in his head turning fast. "We'll look at ads and not just hiring, but we'll look if people are looking for independent film makers for their projects or something. I'll help you pimp put your résumé."

Tao hugs Sehun before he loses the nerves. He holds him close, Sehun's nose pushed against the pulse point under Tao's chin, until Sehun stops blabbing and just inhales, slowly, deeply.

"I'm sorry I worried you," Tao says. "Thank you for worrying."

44. write a song

43. make a time capsule

They sit in the open door to their hut, listening to the sea washing over the shore and watching the stars above it. There's a bonfire a little away from them, and they can hear someone play a guitar. Tao's been nursing the same beer since before dinner and so has Sehun. They're warm and mostly taste awful now, but it's something to do with hands, something to hold on to. Sehun's head drops to Tao's shoulder as the time passes, and the beach empties out completely, the night falling heavy and quiet.

"I don't want to go to sleep yet," Sehun murmurs. Tao's put the beer away some time ago and uses his free arm to pull Sehun closer by his waist.

"You're already dozing off," he points out. "Just let it happen."

"Want to keep you company," Sehun says. He shakes his head, bumping into Tao's chin. Tao jerks back, his teeth rattling, and Sehun giggles a little.

"Sorry," he mutters, looking up and kissing Tao's jaw. "Better now?" he asks.

Tao slips a hand into Sehun's hair instead of a reply, sliding his fingers through the strands that have gotten longer by now. Sehun reaches up for another kiss, right on the lips, slow and languid.

The blanket they received when checking in and their sleeping bags are creased underneath Sehun's naked body, and they keep on bunching up as he arches up, thrusts into Tao's mouth. He has a fist in his mouth because they can't be too loud, not here, with other tourists sleeping in tiny huts just meters away. His other hand is in Tao's hair, and when Tao sucks, hard, cheeks hollowing, Sehun's grip gets tighter and his hips snap a little faster. Tao lets out a choked off moan, the head of Sehun's cock hitting the back of his throat, and Sehun comes. He whines, louder around his fist, and Tao hears him breathing hard and fast through his nose. He slides his lips up and licks at the tip of Sehun's cock, kissing down the underside before he's pushed off and then pulled up.

"Where's the lube?" Sehun asks, peppering Tao's face with kisses and finally sucking on Tao's tongue, humming into the kiss as he spreads his legs and pulls Tao between them. Tao searches for the lube that Sehun's dropped somewhere by his head earlier. He squeezes the tube in his hand for a while, buying time while they continue kissing. He's so hard, and his cock rubs against Sehun's tummy as Sehun keeps squirming. He scratches down Tao's back, across his ass, and grabs it to push them closer together.

"Want you," Tao whispers then, against the shell of Sehun's ear. He reaches for Sehun's hand, pulling it away from his ass, and he presses the lube into his hand. Sehun gives him a confused looked, and Tao rolls off him, lying on his stomach and jutting his ass up. "Want you to fuck me," he clarifies, watching Sehun. He knows he's flushing, and it's weird, lying down like this, ass up in the air, while Sehun only stares, swallowing around nothing. Sehun's Adam apple bobs, and he finally moves, running his free hand over the scratches he's made down Tao's ass. Tao shivers, bites his tongue not to beg because this wonder in Sehun's eyes only makes him want this more. He wants to feel Sehun in him, hot and throbbing. He knows it will be good, Sehun's cock head sliding against his prostate. "Please," he whispers, when Sehun only continues to touch the marks he's left on Tao tonight.

"Fuck," Sehun says at last, sharp inhale of breath, and the way he sounds, wrecked and wanting, forces Tao more onto his knees, legs spreading in offering. "Okay, okay," Sehun mutters, moving to kneel behind Tao.

Sehun's fingers are slim and long, and once he gets two pressed into Tao, it's torture. He keeps switching between quick and shallow thrusts, thumb pressed against the rim from the outside, and deep and slow ones, with more power and pads of his fingers scratching Tao's inner walls as he pulls back. Tao's on his knees and elbows by now, pushing back and moaning into Sehun's discarded shirt that he found in his scramble. It smells like Sehun, and it already feels like Sehun's everywhere around him, even before Sehun starts sucking bruises into the skin stretching over Tao's ribs.

"You feels so good around my fingers," Sehun says, breathless and still a little awestruck, and Tao squeezes around him on purpose.

"Just," he groans when Sehun's fingers press right against his prostate with the next deeper thrust. "I'm so close," he mutters, "You need to fuck me." Tao's cock is heavy between his legs, precome in a wet patch where it brushes the blanket underneath them. His thighs are starting to tremble, and Sehun's only now pushing the third finger in. He stops then, moves so that his chest presses against Tao's back.

"Just a little longer," he whispers, tongue circling Tao's earrings then sliding down to his shoulder, nose pressed into the back of Tao's neck. Sehun waits for Tao to come down a bit, the building pressure retreating a little, but Tao's still too tense, stomach cramping as he tries to squeeze around Sehun again. His legs give away, and he flattens on his stomach. Sehun spreads his fingers a little inside him, his other hand massaging Tao's lower back as Tao sobs with need. Finally, Sehun's fingers pump in and out of him, only a few more times before he pulls them away.

Sehun tries to push at Tao's shoulder, tries to make him turn around, but Tao shakes his head, folding his knees underneath himself again, his cheek flattened against the floor. He knows he's a wreck, and every time Sehun touches him, it feels good and hurts a little, and he can't hide it, can't hide the way he's so shaken now. "Just do it like this," he tries to say, when Sehun kisses one of his ass cheeks, coaxing him to move in low murmur.

"Fine," Sehun says, voice hoarse, and then he's pushing in. Everything is still for a moment before Sehun pulls out and thrust in, sharp and hard. Tao hiccups, and his knees slide wider. "Fuck," Sehun swears behind him, and the next time he presses in, Tao tries to meet him. It's a quick rhythm from the start, both of them too wound up to make it last. Tao's moaning loud now, despite the efforts to muffle it, the pleasure coiling in the pit of his stomach, and Sehun feels good, so good, the slick slide of his cock, the almost constant pressure against Tao's prostrate, the hard line of Sehun's hips against his ass.

"Hun," he whispers, knowing he can't hold himself up anymore, and Sehun presses against the small of his back, pushes him flat against the floor, Tao's thighs squeezed tight together by Sehun's own. It's frantic now, no pace and all Sehun, Tao's cock dragging against the scratchy blanket as his ass jiggles with Sehun's thrusts.

"Going to--" Sehun whispers, his forehead pressed against Tao's back now, "so good, I--"

"Come, Sehunnie," Tao manages to say, arching a little.

"You too," Sehun mutters, his next thrust pushing them both up the mattress. Sehun bites down onto Tao's back, hard, and Tao comes, muscles tensing. Sehun's breath hitches, and he comes too with his next press into Tao, just like that, his cock pulsing as he rides it out, small jerks of his hips and mewls pressed into Tao's skin.

They don't get up. Tao's too boneless to move, his emotions going haywire, and his heart not wanting to calm down. Sehun doesn't pull out, just moves so he's covering Tao's back with his chest, kissing his shoulder blade, hand massaging Tao's scalp until Tao turns a little and Sehun can kiss up until he reaches the corner of his mouth. The kiss is sloppy, and Sehun's heavy and sticky against Tao's back, but at least this way, Tao knows he's here, with him, in him, around him. When Sehun moves a little and pulls Tao so that this time, it's Tao in Sehun's arms, Tao lets himself fall asleep, too exhausted in every sense of the word.

14. go stargazing III

The journey to Seoul is short and quiet. Sehun plays his favorite songs from his summer play list, skipping between them, and Tao keeps his eyes on the road, one track mind so he doesn't drive them off the road.

When the moment comes, the awaited drop of the bucket of things unsaid, cold as ice on the back of Tao's neck, it's not really dramatic. It's Sehun unplugging his iPod from Tao's radio and opening the door on the passenger side of the car. It's Tao helping him with the duffel bag and the few souvenirs he's bought for the family and shutting the trunk when all his things are out of it.

Sehun smiles. Tao's knees are weak. "Thanks for taking me along, again," Sehun says.

"No problem," Tao answers, throat dry. "Say hello to your mom for me."

"Do you want to come in? She'd love to see you."

Tao shakes his head. "I've hogged you long enough. I don't want to intrude."

Sehun rolls his eyes. "You never do. Call me, okay?"

Tao nods. "Sehun," he starts, but then only gives him a quick hug. "You'll be awesome on Monday."

Sehun nods, smile growing a tiny bit wider, and walks to the door of his house. He pulls out his keys, and when he disappears inside, wanting to surprise everyone, Tao drives away while he still can. He doesn't turn on his camera at all, this time.

Sehun calls on Monday, in the evening, and Tao doesn't pick up. He's going through all his footage, has been doing so ever since he's got home, only stopping to do his laundry. It's a mess. He's wanted to cut it into a short movie about road tripping around South Korea, but Sehun's everywhere, the main hero that Tao never really meant to cast.

Tao wishes for many things as he cuts and edits and forgets all about looking for a new job. Most of all, he wishes his summer list has never existed.

Two weeks later, Tao still hasn't replied any of Sehun's missed calls. They stopped coming after day ten. Tao misses Sehun's constant presence in his life, his touch and his scent and his taste, his warmth and laughter and energy that is contagious. He misses the way he's felt like nothing could go wrong when he was with Sehun. He dusts off his YouTube account and posts the video that he's cut―trying all the things he wasn't allowed to do at his job and spending hours and hours on music and the perfect sequence of the scenes. All the while, he wonders if Sehun's doing well. He must be busy now, new colleagues and old friends, and all the changes that come with working full time. Tao opens the job listings and ponders why he's never asked Sehun if he meant all the kisses.

Chanyeol calls the next day, and he sounds a little upset.

"I'm glad you live," he says. "We thought you dropped off the planet Earth."

"I've been ... busy," Tao say.

"Doing what? I hear you quit your job."

"Sorting things out," Tao says, and it's true, in a way.

"Ah," Chanyeol sounds like a cat that got the cream. "Now, I'm glad to hear that. Maybe you can sort that thing where your phone doesn't let Sehun's phone calls through too, then."

Tao bites his lip and stays silent.

"Look. I don't know what's wrong. I guess I could understand if you had a bit of a cabin fever after six weeks―"

"That's not it at all," Tao protests, jumping in.

"Then what is it?" Chanyeol sounds impatient. "I mean Joonmyun-hyung called Jongin who called me. He says that Sehun's a bit of a zombie and you two are not talking."

"I ... I'm ..."

"You're being uncharacteristically inconsiderate towards your best friend. To put it nicely," Chanyeol says. "Jongin isn't such a diplomat, so he says you're being an ass."

"I'm in love with him, but I think we've just had a summer fling, and those are not supposed to last. I don't want to drag him down into my problems now that the summer's over," Tao blurts out.

Chanyeol is silent for a moment then clears his throat. "Of course you're in love with him. I mean, you've been dating since his year one in college," he says.

"We haven't," Tao rolls his eyes a little. "We've been over this a million times, we haven't met until your math class, and we only made out back then because we wanted you to notice us. I don't know what we were thinking, but ..."

"I know this. I still insist on what I just said," Chanyeol interrupts. "I have to go. Call me later if you need me to explain in detail."

Tao's video gets over twenty thousand views in the first two days. It's a little overwhelming, and Tao's not sure how it went viral like that, so he watches it again. And again. And again.

His phone rings that evening, and when he sees the name on display, he picks up this time.

"Can we meet?" he asks instead of greeting before Sehun can get a word in.

"Where?" Sehun asks, quietly.

"The Bugak Skyway overlook. Whenever you're free."

"Tomorrow at ten at night," Sehun suggests.

"Yeah, that's fine," Tao says, thinking of how that gives him time to clean up and make sure this time he asks all the right questions.

"Okay, okay," Sehun says, sounding a bit relieved.

"Talk to you then," Tao says. Sehun hums and hangs up.

Sehun looks good. He must have a had a long day at work though because he's still in fitting slacks and a dress shirt, shiny new shoes and hair styled up, looking the part of young auditor in the biggest audit firm on South Korean market. Tao thinks how hugging him now would wrinkle his shirt beyond repair.

"I'm glad you're okay," Sehun says instead of greeting, eyes roaming over Tao as if checking for damage.

"I am, I just ... I'm sorry," he mutters. The guilt washes over him because of course Sehun was worried about him. "I just didn't know what to do for a bit there."

"I told you I'd help," Sehun insists, looking hurt now.

"No. I mean yes. But that's not it."

"Then what is it?" Sehun asks, scooting closer. He doesn't hesitate to lean against the hood of Tao's car, and it feels starkly familiar. They've spend plenty of times like this at rest stops and overlooks with a great view, just like this one.

"Why did you kiss me?" Tao asks, slowly.

"Why did you never kiss me first?" Sehun retorts. "I mean all these people on YouTube say you love me, but how would I know?" Sehun's rubbing at his neck nervously, licking his lip, and Tao is still processing Sehun's words.

"You've found my video?" he asks, stepping forward and into Sehun's space. Sehun's legs automatically fall apart, and Tao's drawn closer, watching Sehun's face carefully.

"Of course I did. I was worried sick about you not picking up your phone, not calling me or messaging me, or anyone else. I went through all your social media every day for a sign of movement, and I was thinking of going to your place after work the day it got posted."

Tao's hands slide to rest on Sehun's hips.

"I do love you," he says. He's realized just how much in the past few days. While he watched the final product of his own editing again and again, it has felt like an out of body experience. He feels stupid for pulling away when he should have been making Sehun fall head over heels for him too, so they can have their 'cute young love' that everyone's so excited about after watching his video.

"I really do," he whispers, and kisses Sehun. Because Sehun's looking at him with shining eyes, still the same Sehun that Tao's spent so much time with, just two of them for days and never getting enough of him. It's his Sehun, even under all these fancy clothes, and he feels soft and perfect, and in Tao's reach, indulging Tao's need to touch just like he always has.

It's Sehun who turns the kiss from soft to rough and dizzying, biting at Tao's bottom lip and pulling at his hair until they're both breathless.

"Which time?" he asks against Tao's mouth, and Tao doesn't catch on. "Which kiss do you want to know about?" Sehun asks again.

"There were different reasons?" Tao blurts out.

The corner of Sehun's mouth twitches a little. "Well obviously. Sometimes, I kissed you because you looked hot. Sometimes I kissed you because you looked cute. Sometimes I just kissed you because it sounded like a good idea or because you looked like you wanted to kiss me, or I wanted to shut you up. There's probably more, so you should be more specific."

"What about the ones that you checked off my summer list?" Sehun's mouth falls open a little, and he hits Tao's shoulder.

"Are you dumb? Are you implying I did all that just because it was on some list?"

Yes, it sounds dumb, but Tao's been so swept up and so unable to read Sehun on this, even if he's gotten good at recognizing almost all of his moods and tells over the years, and then he's been so wrapped up in his worries, unable to look at the two of them the way his camera recorded their story in between the lines.

"Yes, I probably am. Tell me anyway."

Sehun grabs him by his cheeks and kisses him instead. "The list is gone," he says, when he pulls away, holding onto Tao so they're looking into each other's eyes. "And I'm still kissing you. I've spent the last two years missing you, thinking about how much I love you, so don't you dare think I didn't want to kiss you. I did all of that for me, and the list was just a selfish excuse. It was easier when I had leverage. Especially when you were trying to be dumbly valiant and left me be the one that always had to ask first. Do you understand?"

Tao nods, leaning in to kiss the corner of Sehun's lip. It's silly how much he understands the insecurities of not knowing where one stands, what place one has in someone's heart. Sehun's a little mad with him right now, but Tao can probably fix that. He rubs their noses together. "I love you," he says again.

"You better, I mean we've been dating all summer, and I'm irresistible," Sehun mumbles.

Tao laughs. "Next time you need to tell me."

"What next time? You better not break up with me, Huang Zitao. Ever."

Tao can't stop smiling. He presses closer to Sehun, leaning on him heavily because he's still trembling, and it's not safe to just stand on his own two feet. Holding a pouting, grumbling Sehun who is in love with him and wants all the touches Tao's offering is a new kind of rush and emotions, one Tao's thrumming with a bit too much. So he kisses Sehun again to cover it up.

"By the way," Sehun says, later, when Tao's jaw throbs in dull pain from too much kissing. "I got you a job offer. One of our clients needs to shoot a spot about their charity programs, and they're looking for someone who does things with feelings. I obviously couldn't give them your portfolio, so I linked them your summer video yesterday, and they want your number."

"You did what?" Tao chokes out.

"Whatever, that video is like a hot trend among all out interns. I already have to live with it. My face is like the new definition of everyone's summer pipe dreams." Sehun frowns, and Tao is probably smiling too cockily now, but he can't help it. He's too happy to keep it in.

"A job offer?" he muses.

"Clearly, loving me has many benefits," Sehun says, nodding smugly. Tao leans across the gear shift and kisses the look off his face.

"I'm not sure about that. You should come out with me tomorrow and try to give me a list of them for me to evaluate."

Sehun snorts. "No worries. We'll go through it, point by point."