Rainy Days
Another day at the Writing Center. I stayed up late last night and then felt ridiculously tired this morning; since I was able to sleep in I am blaming the medicine for making me feel so groggy. It's frustrating because I always wanted to be a "morning" person, but lately it seems like I just keep staying up late. Tonight I am determined to go to bed at a decent hour...
Thrilling, right? I'm surprised people said they were reading my posts. Flattering, really, but I don't think I have anything particularly interesting to say. And let's face it, most of my posts are fairly angsty. "poor me! I'm angry/tired/sad/blah blah!" That's because that's always been my motivation for writing in the first place -to have an outlet for negative emotions. It doesn't always help though. In fact, right now I'm just at a point where I'm sick of having the same feelings over and over again.
Today's most annoying emotion? JEALOUSY. I take one look at Him and Her together and I am filled with a sense of my own inferiority. She, the one he chose, is tall, slim, blonde, clear-skinned and downright pretty. She is foreign, with a charming accent, and full of confidence. I am short, gaining weight (DAMN medication!), splotchy with acne, and generally "plain" would be the best way I could describe myself.
DON'T say anything Katy my love :P I know you're sick to death of hearing me whine about my looks but I can't help it. I'll never actually consider myself good-looking, and even though I love and trust my friends, having other people tell me I'm beautiful will never be enough to convince my eyes that what they see in the mirror is attractive. Maybe I'm just not my own type...
But seriously, why do some people seem to get everything we want? The theory of karma seems to serve as some justification, but it offers little comfort for the here and now. Obviously just because she has everything I've ever wanted in life, that doesn't mean she is automatically happy or without troubles of her own...but again, that's not making me feel better. How to get rid of these awful, repetitive emotions? I feel like I've tried everything, but they're as stubborn as acne: some things seem to help, but they never are fully eradicated.
My theory right now is I'll feel better only when I've managed to distract myself with never-ending pleasant amusements. Just gotta finish those two other research papers first...
Oh, and I wonder what's going on in the rest of the world. You know, with the life-changing revolutions and all. Someday I'll learn to be less self-absorbed and focus on the important things in life. Sadly, today is not that day. Today I'm just living moment-to-moment, with my Life Blinders on so all I think about is what I'm going to eat for dinner, and where I want to do my homework.
Thrilling, I know. :)
Thrilling, right? I'm surprised people said they were reading my posts. Flattering, really, but I don't think I have anything particularly interesting to say. And let's face it, most of my posts are fairly angsty. "poor me! I'm angry/tired/sad/blah blah!" That's because that's always been my motivation for writing in the first place -to have an outlet for negative emotions. It doesn't always help though. In fact, right now I'm just at a point where I'm sick of having the same feelings over and over again.
Today's most annoying emotion? JEALOUSY. I take one look at Him and Her together and I am filled with a sense of my own inferiority. She, the one he chose, is tall, slim, blonde, clear-skinned and downright pretty. She is foreign, with a charming accent, and full of confidence. I am short, gaining weight (DAMN medication!), splotchy with acne, and generally "plain" would be the best way I could describe myself.
DON'T say anything Katy my love :P I know you're sick to death of hearing me whine about my looks but I can't help it. I'll never actually consider myself good-looking, and even though I love and trust my friends, having other people tell me I'm beautiful will never be enough to convince my eyes that what they see in the mirror is attractive. Maybe I'm just not my own type...
But seriously, why do some people seem to get everything we want? The theory of karma seems to serve as some justification, but it offers little comfort for the here and now. Obviously just because she has everything I've ever wanted in life, that doesn't mean she is automatically happy or without troubles of her own...but again, that's not making me feel better. How to get rid of these awful, repetitive emotions? I feel like I've tried everything, but they're as stubborn as acne: some things seem to help, but they never are fully eradicated.
My theory right now is I'll feel better only when I've managed to distract myself with never-ending pleasant amusements. Just gotta finish those two other research papers first...
Oh, and I wonder what's going on in the rest of the world. You know, with the life-changing revolutions and all. Someday I'll learn to be less self-absorbed and focus on the important things in life. Sadly, today is not that day. Today I'm just living moment-to-moment, with my Life Blinders on so all I think about is what I'm going to eat for dinner, and where I want to do my homework.
Thrilling, I know. :)