Siblings
I was reading my friend Andrew's blog after not checking in on it for awhile (blogspot, peh), and one of his blogs really hit home for me. It's a blog about his sister. Whenever friends write or talk about their siblings, I always become very still and present inside, because I have no siblings.
Yesterday, 2 different people talked with me about their sister and how much distance and noncommunication there is between them. It bruised my heart. In my mind, siblings more than parents should be close, because siblings are more related to each other than they are to those who created them and share a common bond through time.
I grit my teeth to think that I could have had a sister if my Mom hadn't miscarried. She miscarried due to stress. Stress of my father's constant yelling at her, beating her (yes, even while pregnant), and treating her like a neglected piece of property. I was about 1 and a half years old when she miscarried Larissa Star Skonberg, 5 and a half months along in her pregnancy.
She miscarried several times after Larissa, the final straw being back in 1995 when she miscarried twin boys that she was pregnant with from her current husband. They would be 13 now if they had survived. Larissa would have been about 26.
Even though it will never, ever happen in this lifetime, I still crave a sibling so much. I used to have a fantasy that my Mom and Dad had a child that they couldn't keep either with each other or with one of their future spouses, and this sibling was out there in the world, feeling like he or she was missing something in life, just like me. I have so much envy for those who have one or more siblings, because being an only child really gets lonely. I've been told that I have several sibling traces around my aura, because all six of them are always with me, but it's not the same as having them here in the flesh, you know?
If you have a brother or sister, please, count yourself lucky. I know that we don't all get along with our family for various reasons, and siblings can be fucking assholes to each other. But if you're on decent/great terms with your brother or sister, feel grateful. There are those out there who would give almost anything to have what you have.
Yesterday, 2 different people talked with me about their sister and how much distance and noncommunication there is between them. It bruised my heart. In my mind, siblings more than parents should be close, because siblings are more related to each other than they are to those who created them and share a common bond through time.
I grit my teeth to think that I could have had a sister if my Mom hadn't miscarried. She miscarried due to stress. Stress of my father's constant yelling at her, beating her (yes, even while pregnant), and treating her like a neglected piece of property. I was about 1 and a half years old when she miscarried Larissa Star Skonberg, 5 and a half months along in her pregnancy.
She miscarried several times after Larissa, the final straw being back in 1995 when she miscarried twin boys that she was pregnant with from her current husband. They would be 13 now if they had survived. Larissa would have been about 26.
Even though it will never, ever happen in this lifetime, I still crave a sibling so much. I used to have a fantasy that my Mom and Dad had a child that they couldn't keep either with each other or with one of their future spouses, and this sibling was out there in the world, feeling like he or she was missing something in life, just like me. I have so much envy for those who have one or more siblings, because being an only child really gets lonely. I've been told that I have several sibling traces around my aura, because all six of them are always with me, but it's not the same as having them here in the flesh, you know?
If you have a brother or sister, please, count yourself lucky. I know that we don't all get along with our family for various reasons, and siblings can be fucking assholes to each other. But if you're on decent/great terms with your brother or sister, feel grateful. There are those out there who would give almost anything to have what you have.