Panic Attack
Yesterday was one big panic attack for me. I didn’t really realize I was having one until around 6pm when I was on the phone with a friend of mine and he said I sounded “scattered” and was wondering if I was high or something. I don’t get stoned, but I remember the feeling (pure Hell), and that started to freak me out and make me realize that something was wrong.
The first time I had a panic attack I was 12, and it was the night my Gramma Evelyn passed away. That’s totally how I felt all evening, and knowing that a dear friend of mine is in the hospital with a bad MRSA infection of the lungs, I was worried that something was going on with him. A phone call cleared up that notion, so I was stuck with just feeling crazy.
Then I thought, “What if this is schizophrenia? Or like MPD? What if I have a latent mental condition that is just now manifesting itself within me?” This thought set me off, of course. Eventually, I talked myself into walking to the store, swallowing my intense paranoia and convincing myself that nothing will happen and I’ll be fine, and getting some Tylenol PM to help me sleep, which I did. And I’m feeling quite a bit better today, though I’m still feeling off.
So what happened? I think a really busy weekend, combined with getting about a half hour sleep Sunday night, combined with some mild financial stress, combined with life stress, combined with the precursor of a cold all came to a head and slammed into my psyche. It really freaked me out. My roommate was feeling almost the exact same way, and we’re super connected, so he thinks that there’s something in the air or something going on (or about to happen) that we might not be privy to. I sincerely hope it’s nothing more than fatigue and life.
The first time I had a panic attack I was 12, and it was the night my Gramma Evelyn passed away. That’s totally how I felt all evening, and knowing that a dear friend of mine is in the hospital with a bad MRSA infection of the lungs, I was worried that something was going on with him. A phone call cleared up that notion, so I was stuck with just feeling crazy.
Then I thought, “What if this is schizophrenia? Or like MPD? What if I have a latent mental condition that is just now manifesting itself within me?” This thought set me off, of course. Eventually, I talked myself into walking to the store, swallowing my intense paranoia and convincing myself that nothing will happen and I’ll be fine, and getting some Tylenol PM to help me sleep, which I did. And I’m feeling quite a bit better today, though I’m still feeling off.
So what happened? I think a really busy weekend, combined with getting about a half hour sleep Sunday night, combined with some mild financial stress, combined with life stress, combined with the precursor of a cold all came to a head and slammed into my psyche. It really freaked me out. My roommate was feeling almost the exact same way, and we’re super connected, so he thinks that there’s something in the air or something going on (or about to happen) that we might not be privy to. I sincerely hope it’s nothing more than fatigue and life.