You're always capable of everything.
There is no such thing as permanence; the only constant is change. Sustained joy is actually robotic contentment, which is synonymous to apathy and indifference. I seek the entire range/spectrum of human emotion; it is the culmination of knowledge and enlightenment. I don't expect you to understand or condone my decisions. I choose the path of experience and transcendental self-destruction, avoiding dormancy, the norm, and tunnel vision. To understand anything, one must experience everything, recognition on all sides, both yin and yang, etc. There is no box to think in or outside of, only infinate possibilities in this fluctuating life.