i know this is long, im sorry, but its prolly the most important thing that has ever happened to me!

[tansimc]

omg, i havent written in this for a long time, (dang i say that like evry time i write in this) but its true. well in my last entry i said how i was going back to tucson to visit and alot of shit has happened since then. first me and my mom have been at eachothors throats for a while now and the shit just hit the fan during this trip here. we were fighting all the time, and she was punishing me for proveing her wong, and it was just horrible. so one night she went out with my uncle and they were drinking and all that stuff. normally, that isnt a big deal but usually i think she feels that she will be like lighter on me (punishment wise) if i do somthing wrong while shees drunk, so she will just pull something out of her ass and start yelling at me about it. so needless to say, this is what she was doing this perticular night when she came home with my uncle. she was telling me that my pierceings were gauged too big and that she wanted me to take them out right then and put standard 14 gauge rings back in, but i can kinda see why she brought up this subject because i had just gauged my ears to an 8 like 2 days b4 so when she noticed she wanted me to take em out, and i said no, because its not like 8 are really huge, so she got all pissed and asked me what my tongue was gauged too, even tho she already knew because i had it like this for like a month and i told her, but cince she was drunk it was all of a sudden a big deal, so she just asked me what they were so that she could act like it was the first time she heard it(to make a bigger deal out of it) so i told her that my tongue was a 6 and she was all, "i never agreed to let you do that to yourself" and i just stared at her. then in an effort to make me mad she started saying somthing about me acting like my sister. i knew this was not true, so i just stared at her some more. then she went on to say somthing about how i would have freaked out if my sister was doing that,(gaugeing her ears) and i still said nothing. but it wouldnt bothor me at all because when she was in like 7th grade or something her ears were 8's. so my mom, getting irritated that i was not responding to her pathetic attempts to piss me off, said something to me about me giving her a "high five". i diddnt understand what she was talking about at all. and she started saying somthing about me acting like my sister so i should give her a high five. then shes all "you cant can you?" i was totally confused because in her drunkend state of trying to burn me by saying i was like my sister, she was not makeing ne sense. so i told her "you are so drunk you arnt makeing sense!" and she always freaks out whenever i hint to how much shees been drinking. then she took a couple swings at me and i grabbed her hands. then she was struggling to get away she kicked me a couple times and i let her go and she started hitting me again so i grabbed her hands again and she jerked her hand away and grabbed my hair. i couldnt get her off of me but i still had her othor hand so i twisted it and made her bend to the side and i put her head under my arm and i fell backwards pinning her head and her right arm to the ground. she was screaming and shit but i wasnt gunna let her go. i wasnt hurting her but she REALLY diddnt like the fact that her son was overpowering her. she has real power and control issues and she has always been able to rely on the fact that me and my sister would cater to her evry whim. and now that i acctually had the chance to show her that she cant give me shit anymore, and that i will do whatever the fuck i want, i wasnt gunna let her win. and my uncle was there thru the whole thing and he was just speechless. hee diddnt even say ne thing until i had her there for a while and she was pulling my hair and my earrings. he told me to let her up so i let her go and i was still on my back and she was screaming at me about how i was an "ungrateful little shit" and i started screaming back at her and she tryed to jump on me again but i put my foot up and stopped her and threw her back to my uncle. then i got up, my ears were bleeding and she was telling me "you think its gunna be so much better at Karmens(my aunt), you dont think shees not gunna care if you have huge holes in your ears? i cant fucking believe you, you are so ungrateful, why dont you just go live with her!" and i was amazed that she said that because that is hardly a punishment, because i always tell her how my aunt treats me like a normal person and not some retarded drone that need his hand to be held through my whole life! she always tells me that i never do ne thing and that shee needs to force me to do my homework and evrything, but in all acctuallity she is doing it to me, i am her first kid and she doesnt want me to grow up, she wants me to stay her little baby that needs her all the time. so when she told me this i decided to leave.i went outside and i talked to my uncle till the sun came up. he talked me into not running away. but that diddnt help me later on. a few days after that my mom went out drinking again. and my stepdad was away in phoenix on buisness. so when she got home evrything was fine and then all of a sudden she started acting really wierd. like she called my stepdads hotel and told the front desk to bring him a new fone because he broke his. so i was kinda listening for a while and then she hung up on him. so i went in there and asked her what was going on, and she said that it was none of my buisness. and i was confused because normally she is all quick to tell me what an asshole my stepdad is. so i was like "huh?" and she was all "i dont like when you tell evrybody MY buisness" and i diddnt say ne thing but i knew what shwe was talking about because i had told my aunt and my uncle about the fights my mom and my stepdad get in in mexico. so i was like whatever and i diddnt act mad at all and she said "i cant believe you would betray me like that" and i just kinda said nothing and wlked into the livingroom of the hotel where i was sleeping on the couch bed and i just laid in bed and watched tv. then when i was sure she was asleep i packed my backpack with some cloths my tooth burush and all that kinda shit, wrote her a note telling her that i cnat stand to be around her ne more and that i was gunna live with a friend and that shee would never find me and that i wanted her to go back to mexico and leave me here. but really, what i said in the note was part of it, but i mainly wanted to show my mom the power i had, i had already shown her that i wasnt gunna deal with her crap, i was gunna do what i wanted to do weathor or not i had her permission, and that i could kick her ass if i wanted. not that i would ever do that, but i highly doubt that she will ever hit me again and shees never brought my ears up after that, and now i was gunna show her that if se says the wrong thing to me, that she will regret it. so at 4 i left the hotel and started walking to the mall where i could use a payfone to call a dude to come pick me up. so i got ahold of the guy, i went to his house and i stayed there all day. then i stayed there that night and i was planning on staying there for about a week and then i was gunna call my othor friends and my aunt to tell them that i was alive. i did not tell my usual friends that i was leaving because i diddnt want them to have to lie when my mom or the cops went there to look for me. so i stayed at the dudes house for one night and my best friend called me on his cell fone from boston. and she told me that my mom was gunna let me stay here and live with my aunt if i came home. so i called her. she told me that she was gunna leave the choice up to me. so of course i decided to stay here. she started telling me that she wont be able to live without me and that evrything she has ever done has been for me, (even tho moveing to mexico was prolly the worst thing that has ever happened to me,) but i wanted to stay ne way so i told her i was staying. she was all crying and evrything but whatever. i told her that if she wanted me to live with her again that she needs to move back here and she said that she cant do that because my stepdad cant move here. so im happy because im still in tucson, and my mom went back to mexico with my stepdad and my sister.
wooh! that was long, but ne ways, and now im here and my best friend is still in boston and i miss her alot but i have good news for her, if you are reading this kristen, im prolly gunna go to Saguaro!!! yayayayay! and since i wasted a year in mexico, im gunna be in the same grade as you! woo hoo! its gunna be so cool! and then hopefully we can get steve to go there too! but i have bad news too, im not allowed to hang out at jakies house ne more. thats the only thing my aunt told me that i couldnt do, so im pretty bummed about that. they gave me this big lecture about drugs and all that shit but ittl be ok. well figure it out. and ive already been here with my aunt for like a week and i havent hung out with ne body at all. it suks. well thats all for now i suppose. until my next update, whitch will prolly be in like anothor month,lol, later