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Disappointed with your engagement?
Just been reading the 'how did you get engaged' thread.
Is there anyone who feels their proposal wasn't as big a 'moment' as it should be?
Partly from nerves, my fella kinda of blurted out his proposal in the midst of conversation. It was actually a few minutes before I realised I was being proposed to.
Don't get me wrong. We've been happily married several months now but sometimes I wonder is the big romantic proposal somthing in a girl's day dreams rather than the reality.
Two friends of mine got proposed to in a similar way and both made their fellas do it again 'properly'. At the time I thought they were being silly but I kinda get it now.
I think we all want a great story...a romantic gesture..
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I don't think it really matters about how he does it (or even if you do it!).
In a previous life, I got engaged to a guy in the typical romantic setting, in Mont St. Michel at the very top of the island, all romantic and stuff, trouble was, we were arguing like lunatics all that day, and I ended the whole thing soon after.
this time round, as you might have seen from the thread on how did you get engaged, my dh tricked me into going into the bathroom of all places, which was lit with candles and had flowers all over the place and petals floating in the bath, and he dropped to one knee and proposed there and then! So not quite as typically romantic a setting as the previous fiasco with that ex, but far more meaningful, and far more exciting as I knew he was the one for me!
I think the stereotypical movie type engagement is not what matters, it's what comes after that does!
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Hi Deb. As I said before, I think re-enactment is silly and meaningless. I meant that I simply understand wanting something a bit more special....special meaning thoughtful and well timed and not expensive, fireworks display outlandish sort of stuff. You're right it is in the past and I feel ridiculous that it still bothers me a little.
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Jamjar I was the exact same as you - he was so nervous he blurted it out - we had booked into Citywest for a wedding reception and I was oohing and aahing at the room and the xmas decorations and how nice the bed was and generally babbling before I realised he was on one knee - total shock but not the big romantic moment I had dreamt of - didn't matter though - the fact that he was so nervous made it special and I would never get him to do it again.
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I feel like I missed out on the whole big romantic proposal too. My h2b is not romantic at all. We had decided together to get engaged and went out and got the ring together. I made him go down on one knee at home but it did feel like a big let down and I would have loved the big romantic surprise proposal. Anyway its done now so no point dwelling on the past.
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I knew about my engagement, where, when, was with him to pick out the ring, was with him when he picked it up from jewellers, everything. I always dreamed of a big surprise proposal, but then again, I always wanted to pick out my own ring.
Don't get me wrong, it was as romantic as it could be considering it was pouring rain, I wouldnt get out of the car and we were in a hurry to meet friends for dinner. But, I do feel I missed out a little on the big surprise.
There is just no pleasing me
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It wasn't a surprise for me either, as I can read my man like an open book, &, as he had been "testing" me on various occasions throughout the previous 4 years, to make sure he wouldn't be rejected when he finally asked (!), I'd already felt engaged! I think when people talk about the romance of a proposal, they are usually talking about the surprise of it, but now that couples are typically together longer before they get engaged, & have bought a house, etc, the engagement itself is often a given..!
Still, while the proposal itself wasn't a surprise, it was still momentous, & being engaged is definitely a romantic stage to be in - I plan to enjoy every minute of it.
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I had a big let down too.
I was Spending Christmas with his family and away from mine, I woke up Christmas morning feeling sick and very sorry for myself I was missing my family like mad. I managed to get up and dressed but was starting to feel very ill. I went down stairs and tried to have a bite to eat he then got me by the hand and took me upstairs to his old bedroom. I sat on the bed and all I wanted to do is have a good old cry. He then pulled out a ring!! Total surprise and to be honest not a good one. I couldn't tell my mum or any of my friends I had never been so lonely in my life. That day we set a date for four years down the line and I just felt like the whole thing was a farce. I ended up telling him how I felt and we fought and fought over it for months, it almost cost us our relationship. I ended up giving back the ring as it had started to symbolize a really bad and horrible time. Four years later we went shopping for another ring and planed our wedding. I am now very happily married but will always feel like I missed out on what I feel should be a special moment
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JamJar reading the proposal posts - I think most people probably had similar proposals to your one - maybe even not that romantic. Your proposal sounds cute and it sounds like you had no idea he was going to ask you. I think it depends on your definition of engagement, I got engaged on holidays - when my guy asked me to marry him, we didn't get the ring for about 2 months - but I told everyone I was engaged as soon as he asked me. I don't understand the logic of choosing a ring and then waiting to be asked, or going away to 'get engaged' - once you've decided to get married you're engaged, if you choose a ring together he's hardly going to give it to someone else...
Sorry for the rant - it's my pet peev, loads of my friends have told me they had a really romantic proposal in some romantic destination like Venice, then when I ask if he chose the ring I'm told that they chose it before their holiday but they didn't know when he would ask them??? I have to bite my tongue not to scream that they were already engaged before their romantic trip.
Maybe it's just me but I reckon romance is spontaneous acts and gestures. My guy would only get down on one knee once similarily in the middle of a jokey conversation - I didn't believe he was asking me because we were both giddy and laughing at something else, there was no flowers, champagne or marching bands but it was the most romantic gesture and I wouldn't have changed anything about it, I'll treasure the moment forever. When he finally got the ring he just handed me the box - or rather I grabbed it -no romance, just greed!
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Girls, I think that you should stop and think and appreciate what you have! You're girls that have a loving fiancees who love you enough to want to spend the rest of their lives lives with you. Does it really matter that you didnt get the 'big proposal'??? There are so many a**holes and gobsh*tes out there if you're single that I think you guys are being really petty about this and should be happy that you are with the good ones! Men aren't always as romantic as women but at least they proposed in any shape or form.
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Well of course it's petty!!! Totally agree.
But that doesn't make it less real. As well as feeling a bit disappointed you feel like a bloody psycho for feeling that way in the context of finding someone in this world who loves you so much that he wants to be with you for the rest of his life.
Of course it has nothing to do with the reality of life and relationships, of course it's irrational...but so are most feelings.
This is not something I dwell on or even think about....I was just curious after reading all the stories online if the 'proposal' was the same for everyone.
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Girls, it has been so good to read this thread. I always felt disappointed about my proposal (or lack thereof). This thread has helped put it in perspective for me. We decided we would get engaged last year sometime. H2B saved up for the ring and when we both had a Saturday off together we went and bought it and told everyone. The night before we were going shopping for it we were in bed and he cuddled up to me and then asked me to marry him (I was upset he didn't even get down on one knee!)
I know now that is doesn't really matter and as someone else said the romantic part is actually being engaged. It's a wonderful state to be in and I have loved every day of it.
I've just remembered though that when we were going out about a year ( we're together over 7 yrs now) he actually got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. We were in his back garden and he was wearing some old rugby shorts. I said I would but just not yet and 6 years later we got engaged. That moment was more romantic as it was out of the blue and my stomach actually flipped cos I felt the same as him. Ok sorry, enough rambling (I'm just taking a trip down memory lane here!).
I feel all loved up now!
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Jamjar
I know where you are coming from. Everyone loves to have the big story to tell, the Eiffel Tower, Rome, the helicopter flying over the field of grass which he had earlier cut to say will you marry me. (heard that one recently). I think your proposal was lovely.His proposal came from the heart at that moment in time, the poor lad was probably sweating it and that time felt right for him. And when you said yes i bet it was a happy time for him. It was so spontaneous, no inkling of it coming, a real surprise.
We didn't have that, going out 10 years, childhood sweathearts so theres no surprises left. Were doing the whole romantic trip thing but Mr O'Leary put a halt to our gallop by cancelling the plane so instead of having croissants in paris I got a petit filous and a little croissant in a rather dubious spar outside Shannon.
Instead got engaged in a restaurant on a blustery, rainy night by the sea. We couldn't find the door to the restaurant, so i was beginning to think someone is trying to tell us something. No one knew in the restaurant we got engaged as he is so not showy and doesn't like attention, but you just have to look at celebs. you can imagine how much song and dance and show went into Nick and Jessicas engagement and wedding and look at what a farce that was.
I really like your proposal because of what it was, from his heart, somewhere he felt comfortable.
(first post as an auld married woman - love saying that to my older friends, drives them mad. )
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I felt really bad that i ruined our engagement but after reading the posts i feel better now..
My poor h2b brought me to Paris as a surprise and i honestly didnt have a clue he was going to propose cos we had just moved into our house and i didn't think we would be gettting married for a few years. So every now and again i'd say "do you have anything to ask??" and "are you going to propose?" and then on the last night he replied "Yes" i was absolutely shocked and i guess thinking back now i did have the butterflies. He didnt actually propose and we went for a stroll along the champs elyse (sp). On the way back to the hotel he stopped on one of the bridges and proposed but i knew what was coming and i said no (i'm not a nice person ) i said yes then though..
Since then i have felt really bad that i ruined the proposal but i think from now on i will consider that we were engaged once he said yes.. and just forget the part where i was horrible...
We got the ring when we got home and then went to supermacs for our tea and he gave it to me!!!
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I think all girls dream of a magical proposal and everyone elses stories seem better. My fella was so nervous he just blurted it out (in a horse and carriage in central park ) - after 7 yrs i couldnt believe he was so nervous - especially when he knew id day yes!!
By the way it was pouring rain and freezing - but it was great to see the relief on his face as i thought he was acting a bit weird prior to it........
Its a hard thing for a guy to do - so any effort no matter how small is romantic in its own way.
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I took the bull by the horns and proposed to my H2B, we laugh about it now. Went to Clare for a romantic weekend away. I had known for a long time that he was the one and he had said the same to me.His only problem was the cost of the ring he had said if he could afford a ring he would marry you tommorrow (figured he would have to spend at least €2000). Anyway on this weekend I decided I was going to ask him so we booked a lovely Italian restaurant and I kept getting up and going outside for a ciggy as I was S**ing myself. He kept saying are you ok your very jumpy, so eventually I said could I ask him something and he was messing and said ask anything as long as ye don't ask me to marry you still laughing I just froze and them he was like oh f*** that was the question? so of course i squrmed in my seat. He took a big gulp out of his drink and said he was never so shcoked and then he went into a trnace for a couple of minutes I was practically packing my bags in my mind and suddenly he just smiled and said yes. Once he got over the shock he ran around telling everyone even the taxi driver and then went we went back to the hotel he ordered Champagne and told everyone in the hotel. It turned out to be a brillient night and we phoned everyone and told them, later on in the room. He got down on one knee and asked me back. I did feel a little bothered later on that I would never be asked, he said he was going to ask me at Christmas anyway so that made me feel better. Anyway its one to tell the grandkids!! We did get the ring but it was no where near €2000 and I wouldn't change it for the world. Its the man I am marrying not the ring.
Just been reading the 'how did you get engaged' thread.
Is there anyone who feels their proposal wasn't as big a 'moment' as it should be?
Partly from nerves, my fella kinda of blurted out his proposal in the midst of conversation. It was actually a few minutes before I realised I was being proposed to.
Don't get me wrong. We've been happily married several months now but sometimes I wonder is the big romantic proposal somthing in a girl's day dreams rather than the reality.
Two friends of mine got proposed to in a similar way and both made their fellas do it again 'properly'. At the time I thought they were being silly but I kinda get it now.
I think we all want a great story...a romantic gesture..
________________________________________________
I don't think it really matters about how he does it (or even if you do it!).
In a previous life, I got engaged to a guy in the typical romantic setting, in Mont St. Michel at the very top of the island, all romantic and stuff, trouble was, we were arguing like lunatics all that day, and I ended the whole thing soon after.
this time round, as you might have seen from the thread on how did you get engaged, my dh tricked me into going into the bathroom of all places, which was lit with candles and had flowers all over the place and petals floating in the bath, and he dropped to one knee and proposed there and then! So not quite as typically romantic a setting as the previous fiasco with that ex, but far more meaningful, and far more exciting as I knew he was the one for me!
I think the stereotypical movie type engagement is not what matters, it's what comes after that does!
_________________
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Hi Deb. As I said before, I think re-enactment is silly and meaningless. I meant that I simply understand wanting something a bit more special....special meaning thoughtful and well timed and not expensive, fireworks display outlandish sort of stuff. You're right it is in the past and I feel ridiculous that it still bothers me a little.
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Jamjar I was the exact same as you - he was so nervous he blurted it out - we had booked into Citywest for a wedding reception and I was oohing and aahing at the room and the xmas decorations and how nice the bed was and generally babbling before I realised he was on one knee - total shock but not the big romantic moment I had dreamt of - didn't matter though - the fact that he was so nervous made it special and I would never get him to do it again.
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I feel like I missed out on the whole big romantic proposal too. My h2b is not romantic at all. We had decided together to get engaged and went out and got the ring together. I made him go down on one knee at home but it did feel like a big let down and I would have loved the big romantic surprise proposal. Anyway its done now so no point dwelling on the past.
_________________
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I knew about my engagement, where, when, was with him to pick out the ring, was with him when he picked it up from jewellers, everything. I always dreamed of a big surprise proposal, but then again, I always wanted to pick out my own ring.
Don't get me wrong, it was as romantic as it could be considering it was pouring rain, I wouldnt get out of the car and we were in a hurry to meet friends for dinner. But, I do feel I missed out a little on the big surprise.
There is just no pleasing me
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It wasn't a surprise for me either, as I can read my man like an open book, &, as he had been "testing" me on various occasions throughout the previous 4 years, to make sure he wouldn't be rejected when he finally asked (!), I'd already felt engaged! I think when people talk about the romance of a proposal, they are usually talking about the surprise of it, but now that couples are typically together longer before they get engaged, & have bought a house, etc, the engagement itself is often a given..!
Still, while the proposal itself wasn't a surprise, it was still momentous, & being engaged is definitely a romantic stage to be in - I plan to enjoy every minute of it.
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I had a big let down too.
I was Spending Christmas with his family and away from mine, I woke up Christmas morning feeling sick and very sorry for myself I was missing my family like mad. I managed to get up and dressed but was starting to feel very ill. I went down stairs and tried to have a bite to eat he then got me by the hand and took me upstairs to his old bedroom. I sat on the bed and all I wanted to do is have a good old cry. He then pulled out a ring!! Total surprise and to be honest not a good one. I couldn't tell my mum or any of my friends I had never been so lonely in my life. That day we set a date for four years down the line and I just felt like the whole thing was a farce. I ended up telling him how I felt and we fought and fought over it for months, it almost cost us our relationship. I ended up giving back the ring as it had started to symbolize a really bad and horrible time. Four years later we went shopping for another ring and planed our wedding. I am now very happily married but will always feel like I missed out on what I feel should be a special moment
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JamJar reading the proposal posts - I think most people probably had similar proposals to your one - maybe even not that romantic. Your proposal sounds cute and it sounds like you had no idea he was going to ask you. I think it depends on your definition of engagement, I got engaged on holidays - when my guy asked me to marry him, we didn't get the ring for about 2 months - but I told everyone I was engaged as soon as he asked me. I don't understand the logic of choosing a ring and then waiting to be asked, or going away to 'get engaged' - once you've decided to get married you're engaged, if you choose a ring together he's hardly going to give it to someone else...
Sorry for the rant - it's my pet peev, loads of my friends have told me they had a really romantic proposal in some romantic destination like Venice, then when I ask if he chose the ring I'm told that they chose it before their holiday but they didn't know when he would ask them??? I have to bite my tongue not to scream that they were already engaged before their romantic trip.
Maybe it's just me but I reckon romance is spontaneous acts and gestures. My guy would only get down on one knee once similarily in the middle of a jokey conversation - I didn't believe he was asking me because we were both giddy and laughing at something else, there was no flowers, champagne or marching bands but it was the most romantic gesture and I wouldn't have changed anything about it, I'll treasure the moment forever. When he finally got the ring he just handed me the box - or rather I grabbed it -no romance, just greed!
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Girls, I think that you should stop and think and appreciate what you have! You're girls that have a loving fiancees who love you enough to want to spend the rest of their lives lives with you. Does it really matter that you didnt get the 'big proposal'??? There are so many a**holes and gobsh*tes out there if you're single that I think you guys are being really petty about this and should be happy that you are with the good ones! Men aren't always as romantic as women but at least they proposed in any shape or form.
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Well of course it's petty!!! Totally agree.
But that doesn't make it less real. As well as feeling a bit disappointed you feel like a bloody psycho for feeling that way in the context of finding someone in this world who loves you so much that he wants to be with you for the rest of his life.
Of course it has nothing to do with the reality of life and relationships, of course it's irrational...but so are most feelings.
This is not something I dwell on or even think about....I was just curious after reading all the stories online if the 'proposal' was the same for everyone.
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Girls, it has been so good to read this thread. I always felt disappointed about my proposal (or lack thereof). This thread has helped put it in perspective for me. We decided we would get engaged last year sometime. H2B saved up for the ring and when we both had a Saturday off together we went and bought it and told everyone. The night before we were going shopping for it we were in bed and he cuddled up to me and then asked me to marry him (I was upset he didn't even get down on one knee!)
I know now that is doesn't really matter and as someone else said the romantic part is actually being engaged. It's a wonderful state to be in and I have loved every day of it.
I've just remembered though that when we were going out about a year ( we're together over 7 yrs now) he actually got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. We were in his back garden and he was wearing some old rugby shorts. I said I would but just not yet and 6 years later we got engaged. That moment was more romantic as it was out of the blue and my stomach actually flipped cos I felt the same as him. Ok sorry, enough rambling (I'm just taking a trip down memory lane here!).
I feel all loved up now!
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Jamjar
I know where you are coming from. Everyone loves to have the big story to tell, the Eiffel Tower, Rome, the helicopter flying over the field of grass which he had earlier cut to say will you marry me. (heard that one recently). I think your proposal was lovely.His proposal came from the heart at that moment in time, the poor lad was probably sweating it and that time felt right for him. And when you said yes i bet it was a happy time for him. It was so spontaneous, no inkling of it coming, a real surprise.
We didn't have that, going out 10 years, childhood sweathearts so theres no surprises left. Were doing the whole romantic trip thing but Mr O'Leary put a halt to our gallop by cancelling the plane so instead of having croissants in paris I got a petit filous and a little croissant in a rather dubious spar outside Shannon.
Instead got engaged in a restaurant on a blustery, rainy night by the sea. We couldn't find the door to the restaurant, so i was beginning to think someone is trying to tell us something. No one knew in the restaurant we got engaged as he is so not showy and doesn't like attention, but you just have to look at celebs. you can imagine how much song and dance and show went into Nick and Jessicas engagement and wedding and look at what a farce that was.
I really like your proposal because of what it was, from his heart, somewhere he felt comfortable.
(first post as an auld married woman - love saying that to my older friends, drives them mad. )
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I felt really bad that i ruined our engagement but after reading the posts i feel better now..
My poor h2b brought me to Paris as a surprise and i honestly didnt have a clue he was going to propose cos we had just moved into our house and i didn't think we would be gettting married for a few years. So every now and again i'd say "do you have anything to ask??" and "are you going to propose?" and then on the last night he replied "Yes" i was absolutely shocked and i guess thinking back now i did have the butterflies. He didnt actually propose and we went for a stroll along the champs elyse (sp). On the way back to the hotel he stopped on one of the bridges and proposed but i knew what was coming and i said no (i'm not a nice person ) i said yes then though..
Since then i have felt really bad that i ruined the proposal but i think from now on i will consider that we were engaged once he said yes.. and just forget the part where i was horrible...
We got the ring when we got home and then went to supermacs for our tea and he gave it to me!!!
_________________
I think all girls dream of a magical proposal and everyone elses stories seem better. My fella was so nervous he just blurted it out (in a horse and carriage in central park ) - after 7 yrs i couldnt believe he was so nervous - especially when he knew id day yes!!
By the way it was pouring rain and freezing - but it was great to see the relief on his face as i thought he was acting a bit weird prior to it........
Its a hard thing for a guy to do - so any effort no matter how small is romantic in its own way.
_________________
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I took the bull by the horns and proposed to my H2B, we laugh about it now. Went to Clare for a romantic weekend away. I had known for a long time that he was the one and he had said the same to me.His only problem was the cost of the ring he had said if he could afford a ring he would marry you tommorrow (figured he would have to spend at least €2000). Anyway on this weekend I decided I was going to ask him so we booked a lovely Italian restaurant and I kept getting up and going outside for a ciggy as I was S**ing myself. He kept saying are you ok your very jumpy, so eventually I said could I ask him something and he was messing and said ask anything as long as ye don't ask me to marry you still laughing I just froze and them he was like oh f*** that was the question? so of course i squrmed in my seat. He took a big gulp out of his drink and said he was never so shcoked and then he went into a trnace for a couple of minutes I was practically packing my bags in my mind and suddenly he just smiled and said yes. Once he got over the shock he ran around telling everyone even the taxi driver and then went we went back to the hotel he ordered Champagne and told everyone in the hotel. It turned out to be a brillient night and we phoned everyone and told them, later on in the room. He got down on one knee and asked me back. I did feel a little bothered later on that I would never be asked, he said he was going to ask me at Christmas anyway so that made me feel better. Anyway its one to tell the grandkids!! We did get the ring but it was no where near €2000 and I wouldn't change it for the world. Its the man I am marrying not the ring.