(no subject)
so its been a while since ive been on this.
But its not like i expect anything...
In short, i am wishing that i didnt have a past that came back to haunt me all the time. When i do something stupid, no one ever lets it go, and it gives them a reason to be an ass to me or to completely ignore me or shove me aside. I wish i could change my name and appearance without anyone knowing, then i could start over. but thats too expensive and too much of a hassle. i just want to find somebody who can forgive me idiocies, like Sanjay ( yes you are an awesome friend ). I dont think there exists in this world, a girl that can do that. i thought i had found one, but i was proven wrong and my heart is thoroughly broken, and i never thought i could feel a pain worse than what i went through with Clair. It seems like the older you get, the worse stuff is going to hurt. I am somewhat scared to get into a relationship now, or even to pursue anyone. i dont have any interests, and that the reason why. i am too scared to let myself become interested. i have just started seeing our counselor here at school, just to have a different person to talk to, no serious issues though. and i find it so ironic that i am seeing him on my 21st birthday. i wish i didnt think about everything so much, and that i didnt have the world's worst timing in life, but its my weakness and its something that seems like its going to haunt me forever.
i just want somebody here to talk, and maybe the nameless digital realm will assist in that.
But its not like i expect anything...
In short, i am wishing that i didnt have a past that came back to haunt me all the time. When i do something stupid, no one ever lets it go, and it gives them a reason to be an ass to me or to completely ignore me or shove me aside. I wish i could change my name and appearance without anyone knowing, then i could start over. but thats too expensive and too much of a hassle. i just want to find somebody who can forgive me idiocies, like Sanjay ( yes you are an awesome friend ). I dont think there exists in this world, a girl that can do that. i thought i had found one, but i was proven wrong and my heart is thoroughly broken, and i never thought i could feel a pain worse than what i went through with Clair. It seems like the older you get, the worse stuff is going to hurt. I am somewhat scared to get into a relationship now, or even to pursue anyone. i dont have any interests, and that the reason why. i am too scared to let myself become interested. i have just started seeing our counselor here at school, just to have a different person to talk to, no serious issues though. and i find it so ironic that i am seeing him on my 21st birthday. i wish i didnt think about everything so much, and that i didnt have the world's worst timing in life, but its my weakness and its something that seems like its going to haunt me forever.
i just want somebody here to talk, and maybe the nameless digital realm will assist in that.