fall break

[tanquat]

i will admit. this is probably the best time i have ever had at home since ive left. i mean i didnt even inform anybody that i was coming home, and i mean i felt loved. so many people were excited to see me and stuff. nothing has gone wrong at all. me and sanjay have hung out alot and i mean, it was like old times. i went to the school and everyone except one person was excited to see me. when i came home though, i probably did the one thing that i probably shouldve done long ago. a simple phone call to express my feelings, to express how i was being affected, and to say what i wanted to say. i honestly dont think she listened, though in my mind i say she did. if a person cant get over a simple grudge, then taht person cannot be a friend. if a person cant get over or forget about it, then taht person cannot be a friend. and finally, if a person just cannot admit that there might be some possiblility that they could be wrong to some degree, then taht person cannot be a friend. i friend i want, yes. but a friend she wants, it doesnt seem so. its teh only problem i have when i when i come home. most of yall will probably hear how much of a "jerk" i was "bitching" to her on the phone. well i will say this. making an assumption based on one story or one prejudice is a horrible idea, but also take this into consideration, who is the one actually hurting? who is the one who decideds to defend oneself and take a stand? who is the one taht was willing to forgive and did, and is just waiting for the other to do the same? this has been great, i will admit. nothing has gone wrong and i wish i could stay more. i wish i was in badn again to march, i miss marching. i wish i could be with you people more often because i miss you guys, even the ones who have hurt me sometime in the past i miss you. things are changing, im getting older, a portion of my life is gone and everything i do is ultimate and cant be undone. everything i do matters. whether or not i eat tomorrow is up to me. whether or not i go anywhere is up to me. whether or not i decide to come back home, is up to me. it was up to me to come home, and i did, and i dont regret any of it. there are things i wish would happen, but wishing isnt what a college student needs to be doing. a college student needs to be making that wishing in action and try hard to make taht wish come true. its hard for some of you to fatho, because you arent in college yet. but i will say that college is the most freedom i have had, the most stress i ahve ever had, the most responsibility i have ever had, and the most fun i have ever had. and when i say college, i dont mean the university and its accessories, i mean the college life and the college years. when im home and not at the university, im in college, when im hanging out with high school friends im in college. its so much that it almost hurts. i realize how many jerks and how bad of a jerk people can be. homewood is nothing compared to teh world and its drama and evils. girls, if a guy tells u he loves you, tell him not to ever say that again to you and dont fall for those superficial words unless he can prove he really means it and having sex is not it. if he keeps telling you he loves you to get you back, then he doesnt even care for you. there are exceptions to this because its life, but exceptions come far and few between. guys, stick up for what you believe, life is tough. if cant get through something call a friend, comradery is teh best thing ever. no im not talking bros before hos, im talking about brotherhood and fellowship. it will take a real friend to help you through problems, even if it does hurt. sorry the whole shpeel about life, but its needed and its true. dont hang on too much to high school problems, it will just affect you in college and is nearly impossible to forget. i realize how much i couldve done in high school now that im gone, but none it will ever happen. i am just going to have to make my college years the best years of my life.

"dude you want to hear bass? put in this indian CD"
"i want to do something i havent done in a long time, it starts with a s and ends with a t. its two words-shit? o. forget i typed that. - no i already did that earlier."
"dang, she looks good in that skirt"
"i dont believe you, let me listen. dude you are!"
"dude stop the car! we have a signal!-download it now!!!!"