Et Tu, B-Movies?
So, Kristen and Ryan basically force me to borrow Ryan's copy of Hammer Film's Horror of Dracula, as they claim it is an honest-to-God good movie. (And let's face it -- as the owner of such highbrow fare as Jesse James Meets Frankenstein, it's not like I can unhypocritically refuse.) And on the cover, next to a very poor likeness of Dracula as portrayed in the film, appears the print: "Christopher Lee's fang-tastic, first-ever performance as the Lord of the Undead."
Holy. Fucking. Crap.
Fang-tastic.
Who gets paid to write this shit? How much does your mind have to be a "fucked apart dead thing"* for you to think that sentence is even a trace witty? Every time I read it over, a part of my brain dies a little, I swear. I hope whoever wrote that kills themself.
But sadly, this is not even remotely a rare occurrence. Almost all DVD (or books, or video games, or whatever) have this same drivel adorning their cases. Which raises an even more disturbing question: who the hell is enticed by this shit? After all, the purpose of these covers is to sell their contents. Someone, somewhere, obviously believes this condescending bullshit works.
Do people really get convinced to purchase trinkets on the basis of patronizing scribbles on the box? I hope not. I, for one, am a tad tired of it. Do I really need to be mocked for my movie choices by some braindead hack who writes fucking DVD cover copy? Yes, I like Gamera and I am going to purchase this movie starring him. No, your oh-so-clever turtle-related pun in the blurb is not even close to being funny.
You would think our faceless corporate overlords would have the decency to at least attempt to hid their contempt from us. Fucking Christ, at least Nike has the audacity to promise you a transcendent religious experience if you buy their overpriced, made-with-the-tears-of-children shoes.
* taken from this work of genius.
Holy. Fucking. Crap.
Fang-tastic.
Who gets paid to write this shit? How much does your mind have to be a "fucked apart dead thing"* for you to think that sentence is even a trace witty? Every time I read it over, a part of my brain dies a little, I swear. I hope whoever wrote that kills themself.
But sadly, this is not even remotely a rare occurrence. Almost all DVD (or books, or video games, or whatever) have this same drivel adorning their cases. Which raises an even more disturbing question: who the hell is enticed by this shit? After all, the purpose of these covers is to sell their contents. Someone, somewhere, obviously believes this condescending bullshit works.
Do people really get convinced to purchase trinkets on the basis of patronizing scribbles on the box? I hope not. I, for one, am a tad tired of it. Do I really need to be mocked for my movie choices by some braindead hack who writes fucking DVD cover copy? Yes, I like Gamera and I am going to purchase this movie starring him. No, your oh-so-clever turtle-related pun in the blurb is not even close to being funny.
You would think our faceless corporate overlords would have the decency to at least attempt to hid their contempt from us. Fucking Christ, at least Nike has the audacity to promise you a transcendent religious experience if you buy their overpriced, made-with-the-tears-of-children shoes.
* taken from this work of genius.