(no subject)
I'm strong.
Heading on my own a year and a half ago, I thought I was on the right track. I thought I was going to a place where I would live comfortably for a long time in an area of friendly faces and I'd be on my way up in the world. It was looking like that for a while, until my own faults brought me down. I was making a great deal of money for someone my age, but I overstrained myself for too long and my ankle went to hell. That story's already been told though, so moving on...
My ankle going bad was only the start. I ended up leaving the job I was at and was unemployed for a month. Thanks to the great generosity of my roommate, I was able to take my time to find a job...and even finding a simple job was hard to accomplish. It's all been a blur. Working day in, day out, week after week, its hard to soak in anything. I can't get comfortable, I haven't known peace of mind for quite a while...I don't know how to take control.
I'm weak.
This way of life, hoping that something grand comes passing my way, is not a way to live. I've lived that fantasy for too long and I need to change. My body is another story, a story of putting things off and not taking care of it. Its hard to convince myself to get in better shape, as there is no immidiate reason for me to. I know, 'you'll feel a lot better if you start taking care of yourself'. Its easy to say that when you know how to. All that I know about it is that I need to work and sweat it off somehow, but I don't know a damn thing about nutrition. I guess those are only excuses. I'm weak.
I want to be in better shape. I want to be able to bust my ass and not be worn out after a half an hour. I want to be able to clamp down and not yeild to the urges I get. I want to learn more about taking care of my body. I'm sick and tired of being the way I am. I want to be someone people can rely on. There's a lot out there for me to do, but I need to find the motivation to get me on the right track. I'm just afraid I might not be able to find it.
I'm going to be strong. Damnit I'm going to be.
Heading on my own a year and a half ago, I thought I was on the right track. I thought I was going to a place where I would live comfortably for a long time in an area of friendly faces and I'd be on my way up in the world. It was looking like that for a while, until my own faults brought me down. I was making a great deal of money for someone my age, but I overstrained myself for too long and my ankle went to hell. That story's already been told though, so moving on...
My ankle going bad was only the start. I ended up leaving the job I was at and was unemployed for a month. Thanks to the great generosity of my roommate, I was able to take my time to find a job...and even finding a simple job was hard to accomplish. It's all been a blur. Working day in, day out, week after week, its hard to soak in anything. I can't get comfortable, I haven't known peace of mind for quite a while...I don't know how to take control.
I'm weak.
This way of life, hoping that something grand comes passing my way, is not a way to live. I've lived that fantasy for too long and I need to change. My body is another story, a story of putting things off and not taking care of it. Its hard to convince myself to get in better shape, as there is no immidiate reason for me to. I know, 'you'll feel a lot better if you start taking care of yourself'. Its easy to say that when you know how to. All that I know about it is that I need to work and sweat it off somehow, but I don't know a damn thing about nutrition. I guess those are only excuses. I'm weak.
I want to be in better shape. I want to be able to bust my ass and not be worn out after a half an hour. I want to be able to clamp down and not yeild to the urges I get. I want to learn more about taking care of my body. I'm sick and tired of being the way I am. I want to be someone people can rely on. There's a lot out there for me to do, but I need to find the motivation to get me on the right track. I'm just afraid I might not be able to find it.
I'm going to be strong. Damnit I'm going to be.