the best
77 weeks since i last posted. wow.
there are some things in life that feel so unfinished, and when i see this thing i can't help but think of people. haha, just one, actually.
yeah, steph. i still think of you every now and then and i still feel like shit letting our friendship drift apart. i remember you telling me that you didn't make friends online because you'd know that they'd gradually just drift. i remember saying some crap like i wouldn't let that happen, but of course i'm full of shit and i've let communication fade before. i'm currently doing this with other friends, family...
BUT remembering you i feel an extra sting in the pit of my stomach. somehow you haven't left my mind, and maybe it's because i've felt that we never had any kind of goodbye. being myself, afraid of sad endings and permanence, i just shrank into a corner and kept quiet until you stopped acknowledging me. i don't know why i wanted things to end, maybe i felt like i didn't need more friends or an online friendship couldn't work or some bullshit like that.
i'm very much the same as you remember me and very different. i still have all of the stuff you sent me a long time ago, the mixtapes and pins... i still have some saved IM convos and i remember that brief time we talked on the phone. i'm sorry for fading away and all that. i feel fucking stupid writing this right now but it's been inside me for a while.
wow. do you think of me anymore or am i just a fucking loser? i hope you see this, i just want you to see this and understand that i haven't forgotten you. i just hope you haven't forgotten me and that you remember the transient fun times we had. funny because i've never seen you in person, doing things, living, but my memories are of you and not a screen, and i feel like in some weird way we shared experiences in spirit. how does that happen? now i have no idea where you're at, what you're doing, if you met some cute dude who isn't a prick...stuff happened to me in the meantime and i wish i could tell you.
i realize i'm being ridiculously sappy, nostalgic, and sentimental but this is as close an approximation of how i feel as i can find. i don't expect us to become friends again but i just wanted this out in some form that you could see. maybe you'll refuse to read it but i hope you do and it makes you happy in some way. you were an awesome friend, steph.
if you want to, it's 617-785-5143 and we can talk again.
i know that this LJ entry can't express exactly what i feel (when could it ever) but know that i really haven't forgotten you. god, i'm dumb, sorry. this is getting long but fuck, i miss you, dude.
there are some things in life that feel so unfinished, and when i see this thing i can't help but think of people. haha, just one, actually.
yeah, steph. i still think of you every now and then and i still feel like shit letting our friendship drift apart. i remember you telling me that you didn't make friends online because you'd know that they'd gradually just drift. i remember saying some crap like i wouldn't let that happen, but of course i'm full of shit and i've let communication fade before. i'm currently doing this with other friends, family...
BUT remembering you i feel an extra sting in the pit of my stomach. somehow you haven't left my mind, and maybe it's because i've felt that we never had any kind of goodbye. being myself, afraid of sad endings and permanence, i just shrank into a corner and kept quiet until you stopped acknowledging me. i don't know why i wanted things to end, maybe i felt like i didn't need more friends or an online friendship couldn't work or some bullshit like that.
i'm very much the same as you remember me and very different. i still have all of the stuff you sent me a long time ago, the mixtapes and pins... i still have some saved IM convos and i remember that brief time we talked on the phone. i'm sorry for fading away and all that. i feel fucking stupid writing this right now but it's been inside me for a while.
wow. do you think of me anymore or am i just a fucking loser? i hope you see this, i just want you to see this and understand that i haven't forgotten you. i just hope you haven't forgotten me and that you remember the transient fun times we had. funny because i've never seen you in person, doing things, living, but my memories are of you and not a screen, and i feel like in some weird way we shared experiences in spirit. how does that happen? now i have no idea where you're at, what you're doing, if you met some cute dude who isn't a prick...stuff happened to me in the meantime and i wish i could tell you.
i realize i'm being ridiculously sappy, nostalgic, and sentimental but this is as close an approximation of how i feel as i can find. i don't expect us to become friends again but i just wanted this out in some form that you could see. maybe you'll refuse to read it but i hope you do and it makes you happy in some way. you were an awesome friend, steph.
if you want to, it's 617-785-5143 and we can talk again.
i know that this LJ entry can't express exactly what i feel (when could it ever) but know that i really haven't forgotten you. god, i'm dumb, sorry. this is getting long but fuck, i miss you, dude.