Fake TV: Trials and Tribulations
Another TV show that I have done make up. This cast list is courtesy the lovely hiddencait who has been more than patient, since I took absolute ages to get around to it (P.S. If you like FakeTV btw, check out every single thing she's done, it's all genius). Hope you like this bb
WARNING: If you have a problem with terrible no-good mangling of biblical concepts, leave now. No really, run away, it is the worst kind of revisionism.
TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS
Pestilence, War, Famine and Death… The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the harbingers of the last divine judgment, bringing Doom and Tribulation in their wake. Everyone knows the legend! Or do they?
The Four designated Riders (HorseMEN? Be more gender stereotypical Biblical scholars) don’t want to bring forth Doomsday. They’ve been on Earth waiting for the final bell to ring, and they’ve gotten rather used to it. They find the cosmic quarrel between God and Satan rather egocentric, to be quite honest, and they really don’t like the idea of spreading death and destruction on a whole race, because of some wanton whim of an all powerful being.
So they’ve dedicated their lives, in every age to ensuring, as far as possible, that the apocalypse can be averted. This time round, things might get a little slippery. The Anti-Christ has been born, and is becoming increasingly powerful. The forces of Heaven and Hell are keeping a damned close eye on events. And it’s up to the Four to use whatever powers they’ve accumulated to keep the situation under control.
Pestilence: Simon Dawson (played by Eric Close)
Pestilence likes the form and life zhe has picked this time around. Male, early 40’s, damn good looking if you like the type and the head of the Texas Medical Institute, doing ground breaking research into stem cell therapy. Where better to be when you are trying to fight the very force you’re going to become? Simon Dawson graduated summa cum laude pre-med from Southwestern, got his medical degree from Harvard and did his doctoral research at Johns Hopkins, or that’s what his paperwork says. Now he is caught between his responsibility and desire to improve medical health, and his primeval instinct to bring forth the apocalypse. Damn it!
War: Genevieve Collier (played by Gina Torres)
Fomenting tensions is easy, stopping it is hard! Nobody knows this better than UN Security Council member, Genevieve Collier, formerly known as War! Genevieve has all the qualifications for the job. She has a doctorate from the LSE on International Relations (which she actually worked for, ok Simon), she’s worked in Palestine and Ethiopia against Human Rights violation as a part of Amnesty, she’s served as a defense advisor to numerous world leaders, she’s fucking awesome at her job. But convincing a bunch of pigheaded United Nations ambassadors that sending troops to places is not a smart decision, well that takes more superpowers than even she can summon. Not to mention stopping that pesky Anti-Christ kid.
Famine: Benita Romero (played by Michelle Rodriguez)
If you don’t wise up, you’ll starve to death! This is not rocket science, just ask Benita Romero, who’s spent this lifetime working for research organizations trying to build up sustainable infrastructures for self-dependent food production. Now the president of Fair Trade, Benita’s work might not be as glamorous as Simon’s or Genevieve’s, but it’s just as bloody important, maybe even more so. Identifying areas that need improved infrastructure and giving them the tools to grow, manufacture and market healthy food makes Benita happy. What doesn’t make Benita happy? Fast food chains, microwaveable meals, stubborn governments and of course the cosmic war of impending Doom that’s hanging over all their heads.
Death: Alexander Valentine (played by Aaron Eckhart)
People are going to die, whether Alexander ponces around on a Pale Horse or not. There’s really nothing that he can do about it, despite all the preaching from Simon and Benita. What kind of job is Alexander going to do to prevent death? Cryogenics? Eugenics? Unofficial Zombie Master? So if Alexander can’t stop death, he’s going to make life as entertaining as he can! Alexander owns the Thanatos Group, a conglomorate company which owns a Movie Studio, a Record Company, a Publishing House and a bunch of TV stations. Admittedly he makes a lot of money, but he also provides high quality entertainment for whoever wants it. And how can he be more dedicated to life than that! And the apocalypse would put a dampener on his plans. Can you really stop Firefly after just one season?
God: Amanda Tapping
When the Anti-Christ opens the seals, the Horsemen have to get on their horses and they have to lead the way to Judgment Day. Those are the rules and God didn’t make them. Well maybe she did, but they were a part of the deal that she struck with Lucifer, and you can’t just go throwing cosmic rules away with the bath water. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the Horsemen seem to be bent on doing. Now she and Lucifer have to join forces once again, as reluctant allies, to ensure that the Anti-Christ does what he’s been put on Earth to do, and they aren’t allowed any direct intervention against the Horsemen. It’s a tough job and God Knows the Anti-Christ isn’t making it any easier on them
Lucifer: Jeremy Irons
This is it! This is the big chance! This is when a millennia old revolution finally bears fruit. Lucifer’s been counting on the Judgment day since… well… since Eternity. And now the forces that have been put on Earth to implement it, are bollocksing it all up. This, see this right here, was the loophole he didn’t anticipate with Free Will, and it seems that the Horsemen seem to have internalized the whole dialectic all too well. Okay then, Lucifer isn’t afraid to play the Game. He knows that Free Will has its flipside and unlike God, he isn’t afraid of a little direct tampering to get things going. Persuading politicians for example, or a little bankruptcy here and there. Someone has to balance the battle.
The Anti-Christ: John Dawes (played by Ben Barnes)
John doesn’t know he’s the Anti-Christ, the one who has to break the Seals, the one who has to summon the Horsemen, the one who has to orchestrate the whole fricking Apocalypse. All John knows is that he really really didn’t like authority very much. That’s why he dropped out of college and opened his own little website, that was really just meant for him and his friends to meet up on and chat about politics, human rights, music, movies and sometimes RPG’s. He didn’t anticipate the website going viral and becoming the go-to social network forum that facilitated key revolutions around the world. One Time Magazine cover, several TV interviews and five spin-off regional websites later, John feels rather proud of what he’s done. He just isn’t sure why Fair Trade, the UN and a whole slew of movies seem to have it in for him. Well, he’s just about to find out!
Quotes:
Simon: Are you sure he's the One?
Genevieve: Three revolutions and he isn't even trying. What do you need? Frogs, Locusts, dead First Borns?
Alexander: We are going to make a film about the revolution in Dhariva. It's going to be very heartwarming. Bob Geldof will be helping us with the promotion
Benita: Are you sure Bob Geldof isn't the One?
God: Does non-intereference mean nothing to you?
Lucifer: You say interference, I say encouragement! Potato, Potahto
John: You're the Four Horsemen of the Frigging Apocalypse?
Alexander: We prefer Four Gender Neutral Riders actually. Simon here was a girl for four lifetimes.
John: And that makes me.....?
Benita: A pain in our collective asses!
WARNING: If you have a problem with terrible no-good mangling of biblical concepts, leave now. No really, run away, it is the worst kind of revisionism.
TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS
Pestilence, War, Famine and Death… The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the harbingers of the last divine judgment, bringing Doom and Tribulation in their wake. Everyone knows the legend! Or do they?
The Four designated Riders (HorseMEN? Be more gender stereotypical Biblical scholars) don’t want to bring forth Doomsday. They’ve been on Earth waiting for the final bell to ring, and they’ve gotten rather used to it. They find the cosmic quarrel between God and Satan rather egocentric, to be quite honest, and they really don’t like the idea of spreading death and destruction on a whole race, because of some wanton whim of an all powerful being.
So they’ve dedicated their lives, in every age to ensuring, as far as possible, that the apocalypse can be averted. This time round, things might get a little slippery. The Anti-Christ has been born, and is becoming increasingly powerful. The forces of Heaven and Hell are keeping a damned close eye on events. And it’s up to the Four to use whatever powers they’ve accumulated to keep the situation under control.
Pestilence: Simon Dawson (played by Eric Close)
Pestilence likes the form and life zhe has picked this time around. Male, early 40’s, damn good looking if you like the type and the head of the Texas Medical Institute, doing ground breaking research into stem cell therapy. Where better to be when you are trying to fight the very force you’re going to become? Simon Dawson graduated summa cum laude pre-med from Southwestern, got his medical degree from Harvard and did his doctoral research at Johns Hopkins, or that’s what his paperwork says. Now he is caught between his responsibility and desire to improve medical health, and his primeval instinct to bring forth the apocalypse. Damn it!
War: Genevieve Collier (played by Gina Torres)
Fomenting tensions is easy, stopping it is hard! Nobody knows this better than UN Security Council member, Genevieve Collier, formerly known as War! Genevieve has all the qualifications for the job. She has a doctorate from the LSE on International Relations (which she actually worked for, ok Simon), she’s worked in Palestine and Ethiopia against Human Rights violation as a part of Amnesty, she’s served as a defense advisor to numerous world leaders, she’s fucking awesome at her job. But convincing a bunch of pigheaded United Nations ambassadors that sending troops to places is not a smart decision, well that takes more superpowers than even she can summon. Not to mention stopping that pesky Anti-Christ kid.
Famine: Benita Romero (played by Michelle Rodriguez)
If you don’t wise up, you’ll starve to death! This is not rocket science, just ask Benita Romero, who’s spent this lifetime working for research organizations trying to build up sustainable infrastructures for self-dependent food production. Now the president of Fair Trade, Benita’s work might not be as glamorous as Simon’s or Genevieve’s, but it’s just as bloody important, maybe even more so. Identifying areas that need improved infrastructure and giving them the tools to grow, manufacture and market healthy food makes Benita happy. What doesn’t make Benita happy? Fast food chains, microwaveable meals, stubborn governments and of course the cosmic war of impending Doom that’s hanging over all their heads.
Death: Alexander Valentine (played by Aaron Eckhart)
People are going to die, whether Alexander ponces around on a Pale Horse or not. There’s really nothing that he can do about it, despite all the preaching from Simon and Benita. What kind of job is Alexander going to do to prevent death? Cryogenics? Eugenics? Unofficial Zombie Master? So if Alexander can’t stop death, he’s going to make life as entertaining as he can! Alexander owns the Thanatos Group, a conglomorate company which owns a Movie Studio, a Record Company, a Publishing House and a bunch of TV stations. Admittedly he makes a lot of money, but he also provides high quality entertainment for whoever wants it. And how can he be more dedicated to life than that! And the apocalypse would put a dampener on his plans. Can you really stop Firefly after just one season?
God: Amanda Tapping
When the Anti-Christ opens the seals, the Horsemen have to get on their horses and they have to lead the way to Judgment Day. Those are the rules and God didn’t make them. Well maybe she did, but they were a part of the deal that she struck with Lucifer, and you can’t just go throwing cosmic rules away with the bath water. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the Horsemen seem to be bent on doing. Now she and Lucifer have to join forces once again, as reluctant allies, to ensure that the Anti-Christ does what he’s been put on Earth to do, and they aren’t allowed any direct intervention against the Horsemen. It’s a tough job and God Knows the Anti-Christ isn’t making it any easier on them
Lucifer: Jeremy Irons
This is it! This is the big chance! This is when a millennia old revolution finally bears fruit. Lucifer’s been counting on the Judgment day since… well… since Eternity. And now the forces that have been put on Earth to implement it, are bollocksing it all up. This, see this right here, was the loophole he didn’t anticipate with Free Will, and it seems that the Horsemen seem to have internalized the whole dialectic all too well. Okay then, Lucifer isn’t afraid to play the Game. He knows that Free Will has its flipside and unlike God, he isn’t afraid of a little direct tampering to get things going. Persuading politicians for example, or a little bankruptcy here and there. Someone has to balance the battle.
The Anti-Christ: John Dawes (played by Ben Barnes)
John doesn’t know he’s the Anti-Christ, the one who has to break the Seals, the one who has to summon the Horsemen, the one who has to orchestrate the whole fricking Apocalypse. All John knows is that he really really didn’t like authority very much. That’s why he dropped out of college and opened his own little website, that was really just meant for him and his friends to meet up on and chat about politics, human rights, music, movies and sometimes RPG’s. He didn’t anticipate the website going viral and becoming the go-to social network forum that facilitated key revolutions around the world. One Time Magazine cover, several TV interviews and five spin-off regional websites later, John feels rather proud of what he’s done. He just isn’t sure why Fair Trade, the UN and a whole slew of movies seem to have it in for him. Well, he’s just about to find out!
Quotes:
Simon: Are you sure he's the One?
Genevieve: Three revolutions and he isn't even trying. What do you need? Frogs, Locusts, dead First Borns?
Alexander: We are going to make a film about the revolution in Dhariva. It's going to be very heartwarming. Bob Geldof will be helping us with the promotion
Benita: Are you sure Bob Geldof isn't the One?
God: Does non-intereference mean nothing to you?
Lucifer: You say interference, I say encouragement! Potato, Potahto
John: You're the Four Horsemen of the Frigging Apocalypse?
Alexander: We prefer Four Gender Neutral Riders actually. Simon here was a girl for four lifetimes.
John: And that makes me.....?
Benita: A pain in our collective asses!