Tainted Purity - Chapter 8
Title: Tainted Purity
Author: Tankyasue
Warning: Shounen-ai. Lime in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Babylon, Clamp does.
Summary: Subaru discovers who Seishirou really is before the end of the bet.
Chapter 8 - Love is Cash
“Hokuto-chan!” Subaru cried out as he entered the room and embraced his sister. Seeing Hokuto
standing in front of him as alive as she’d been since he’d left that morning was immensely
reassuring, and yet it wasn’t enough. He needed to touch her, feel the warmth of her body, and
hear the sound of her voice just to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear.
Hokuto wrapped her arms loosely around his shoulders, but she wasn’t close enough. Subaru
tightened his hold on her in an attempt to get even closer, yet no matter how close she was to him
they would never be close enough.
“Hello Subaru. You’re back earlier than I expected,” Hokuto said in her usual, cheery tone. He
might have believed she was happy if her smile had reached her eyes.
Had she been worrying about him while he was gone?
Blushing, Subaru replied, “I-I might have done the job a little too quickly but… I just really
wanted to see you.”
“Hello Subaru-kun! I’m glad to see that you’re back!” a familiar voice called out gleefully from
the living room.
Subaru knew who had spoken even before the Sakurazukamori stepped into the kitchen with an
atavistic smile on his face. He instinctively let go of his sister and stepped in front of her.
Why had the Sakurazukamori been alone with Hokuto-chan?
“Seishirou-san! Erm… I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you were here…” Subaru blurted out as the
Sakurazukamori moved closer towards him. He’d barely even realized that he’d said anything
until the words were out of his mouth.
“I noticed,” the man whispered as he continued to approach him.
Subaru took a step back, but he might as well have remained where he was because he was
trapped in the man's arms only a moment later.
“Subaru-kun, didn’t you miss me while I was gone?” The Sakurazukamori asked, clinging onto
him tightly.
“O-Of course.”
“You remember your promise, don’t you?”
“Of course I do Seishirou-san,” he answered, immediately recalling the foolish promise that he’d
made with the man that morning. “I promised that I would spend some time with you after I got
back from Kyoto.”
“But isn’t it a little late for that?” Hokuto protested sternly.
The Sakurazukamori just ignored her. “How would you like to come to my apartment tonight,
Subaru-kun? I told you that my bed is very comfortable, didn’t I?”
Subaru's face turned bright scarlet when he realized what the Sakurazukamori might have been
implying, but his blush faded as quickly as it had appeared. The Sakurazukamori never meant
anything that he said to him. It was just another one of the man's perverted jokes. Even if they
were 'together' now, surely he wouldn't do that.
Besides, he needed to spend more time with the Sakurazukamori. Otherwise, he might get near
Hokuto again.
Reluctantly, Subaru nodded.
The murderer smiled at him warmly and pulled him outside. Subaru could hear his sister calling
after them, begging them to stop, but her voice sounded far away.
xxxx
Not long after they'd left Hokuto's apartment, the Sakurazukamori suddenly pressed his lips
against his own. Subaru froze predictably; he always did this whenever the man did this sort of
thing to him. Though Subaru mentally berated himself for his fear, a part of him knew that it was
justified this time. This kiss wasn't just the brief, almost tender brushing of the lips that the
Sakurazukamori normally gave him. It had been almost a minute, or at least he thought so, and
the man gave no indication of pulling away. In fact, it seemed like he was gradually pushing
himself even closer to him.
Subaru closed his eyes and tried to remember how he’d felt enclosed in Hokuto’s loving embrace
before, but her warmth and happiness had left him the moment that he’d heard the
Sakurazukamori’s voice. Though he desperately wanted to ‘see’ his sister’s smiling face again,
even if it was only within the darkness of his mind, he couldn’t because he knew that it was false.
His sister wasn’t happy. She’d been weeping on the kitchen floor since he’d left and it was his
fault. He could still hear her crying.
When he opened his eyes, he was reminded that he and the Sakurazukamori were still in the
parking lot just outside of the apartment building, close enough that Hokuto could have seen
them outside of the kitchen window if she only dared to look. For a moment, Subaru was
convinced that he could see his sister watching him, but when he blinked no one was there.
Subaru lowered his eyes, but he could still 'see' his sister's face watching him through the
window. Even when he felt the Sakurazukamori pull away from him at last, he couldn't bring
himself to look up again.
Distantly, Subaru thought that he heard a voice whisper his name in his ear, but before he could
reply, the Sakurazukamori began ravishing him again.
Had Hokuto really been there only moments ago, or had he only imagined it? What would she
think of him if she saw him like this? Even if he could tell her his reasons, she would never
forgive him for everything that he’d done.
Subaru wasn’t sure why he was doing any of this. Even if he allowed the Sakurazukamori to do
these things to him, he would never have any more importance than a glass cup in the man’s
heart, and the outcome of the bet would remain the same. Hokuto would die because he couldn’t
save her.
Subaru suddenly wanted to push the man away from him, even if his actions would cost him his
life. If it would put an end to the mendacity that had existed between them since their unfortunate
meeting at the station, he would gladly accept death with open arms.
However, Subaru couldn’t push the man away from him because he knew that if he were to die
Hokuto would become even more upset than she already was. The only thing that he could do
was stand still and allow the Sakurazukamori to have his way with him. He closed his eyes and
tried to pretend that the man wasn’t invading mouth or caressing his thigh, but these touches
caused an unnatural feeling to emerge within him. There was an uncharacteristic urgency about
the man’s actions. His touches moved progressively closer to violence, but never seemed to cross
the line far enough to cause him physical pain.
Why should the Sakurazukamori trouble himself to be gentle? Glass cups can’t feel pain,
Subaru thought, fighting back tears.
Even when he felt the Sakurazukamori’s hand move progressively higher up his thigh, he did
nothing to stop it. Subaru tried to swallow the whimper that escaped from his lips when the man
finally grasped him between his thighs. Only when he saw the Sakurazukamori smirking down at
him did he realize that he’d become hard.
“Never forget that you’re mine,” he whispered before kissing him gently on the lips. The
Sakurazukamori opened the door to the passenger side of the van abruptly and pushed him
inside.
xxxx
The Sakurazukamori pushed Subaru up against the wall just outside the door of his apartment,
and captured his lips once again. Subaru whimpered beneath the kiss, and closed his eyes tightly.
He wished that he could block out the aberrant sensation that was arising within him, but the
more that the Sakurazukamori touched him like this, the worse it became. A sardonic voice
whispered in the back of his mind:
“You’re in love with him… isn’t that right, Subaru-kun. You love it when he kisses you…
touches you… you want him to do it more.”
“That’s not true! I’m not in love with him!”
“Then why do you let him?”
“For Hokuto-chan… If I can teach the Sakurazukamori to care, Hokuto-chan will be saved, and
Seishirou-san will be happy.”
At the time, Subaru had thought that he’d meant what he’d said, but now that he could see how
his body was reacting to the Sakurazukamori’s touches he knew the truth. It was impossible to
win the bet, he had known that from the beginning, and yet he had tried anyway because he was a
pervert that enjoyed being touched in this sort of way. He never really cared about making
Hokuto happy or teaching the Sakurazukamori to love. That had only been a lie that he’d told
himself so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for being such a horrible person.
“You know, I never thought that you were capable of lying, my Subaru-kun. You always
seemed like the kind of person who would never lie, even if it meant saving his own life. But it
seems that I was mistaken. That was the second time that you’ve lied to me.”
He hadn’t been able to appreciate the humour in that statement when the Sakurazukamori had
said that to him on the day of his first kiss. Pure... innocent... unable to lie... unable to sin... that's
what everyone thought of him, but nothing was further from the truth.
Subaru was an expert at lying. He'd spent his entire life lying to himself; subconsciously hiding
ugly, obvious truths from his own fragile heart just because believing in pretty lies was so much
easier.
But, he couldn’t lie to himself anymore because he could see now that the city that he’d once
loved was really a horrible and ugly place, and the worst part of it was not the Sakurazukamori,
but himself.
“Subaru-kun…” the Sakurazukamori whispered directly in his ear. Subaru hadn’t even felt him
nibbling on it earlier. The man cupped his chin and gently raised his face to force him to look
directly into his eyes. “Subaru-kun, you’re crying…”
“I’m sorry…” Subaru muttered softly. It was a pointless automatic response. He wasn’t even sure
what he was apologizing for.
“Don’t apologize. It’s my fault for pushing you too far,” the Sakurazukamori answered gently.
“If it’s easier, we can just pretend that this never happened. I'll drive you home. I’m sure that
Hokuto-chan will be happy to see you again.”
'I'd like that,' Subaru thought to himself, smiling subconsciously. He could still remember how
happy and safe he'd felt within Hokuto's arms before the Sakurazukamori had arrived…
"Subaru-kun, are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you? If you’re afraid I’ll take you back to your beloved sister. I’m sure that she’s worried
about you anyway," the Sakurazukamori muttered, without meeting his gaze.
Subaru began to feel guilty when he noticed that Seishirou wasn’t looking at him anymore.
Maybe Seishirou didn’t want to be left alone, and the thought of him leaving upset him. Maybe
the reason why Seishirou had made the bet with him in the first place was because he was lonely.
"I-I want to stay here with you," Subaru said suddenly, without even realizing it. His face became
hot a moment later. "I-I mean-"
"Would you really like to remain here with me for the rest of the night, Subaru-kun? If you stay
here much longer, I won't be able to restrain myself."
Subaru remained silent for a long time. He knew exactly what Seishirou had meant, and it scared
him, but he didn’t want to leave him alone if it would make him feel sad.
Subaru looked down at the floor. "I-I’ll stay.”
Subaru didn’t see the Sakurazukamori smile down at him as he removed his glasses. “Well then,
you’d better not have any second thoughts,” he murmured, pressing himself against his leg,
“Because even if you beg, I won’t be able to stop myself.”
Without giving Subaru a moment to reconsider, the Sakurazukamori lifted him up into his arms.
It this wasn’t the first time that the man had carried him like this, but knowing that did nothing to
ease his discomfort. Along with the awkwardness of his present position there was a sense of
helplessness and vulnerability. Like this, he wouldn’t have been able to escape from the
Sakurazukamori even if he wanted to.
The darkness of the Sakurazukamori’s apartment only increased his susceptibility. It was
impossible for him to see anything, and yet the man ignored it as he continued to walk
confidently onward, only pausing to open the door. The door’s audible protest caused Subaru to
flinch slightly. There was something terrifying about the sound, but the man ignored it, as he
seemed to ignore the darkness around him.
The Sakurazukamori sighed almost too softly for him to hear before laying him down on his bed.
Subaru vaguely recalled being here with him before, but this time the Sakurazukamori hadn’t
brought him here to comfort him.
With a flick of a switch, the room was filled with a dim light that was even less comforting than
the darkness. Seeing the Sakurazukamori’s golden eyes upon him made him cringe. It was the
first time that he’d really looked at the man without his glasses.
“Subaru-kun,” he murmured in a voice void of the gentleness that he’d become accustomed to. “I
hope that you’re not having any second thoughts about this.”
Subaru froze but didn’t reply. He knew that the man wasn’t giving him another chance to get
away. He was threatening him. If he were to ask to leave now, the Sakurazukamori would surely
tear out his throat, and though this should be preferable to what the man had planned for him, he
couldn’t bring himself to ask for it.
“You don’t need to be afraid,” the man said cheerfully as he unbuttoned his shirt. “I promise that
I won’t hurt you. I’m always gentle with you, aren’t I?”
Subaru wondered how ‘gentle’ fit into what they were doing as he watched the man’s fingers
unfasten the last button with morbid fascination. Though a part of him was aware of what would
happen next, he couldn’t stop himself from shivering when the man removed his shirt in one
swift motion. He wanted to believe it was just the cool temperature of the room, but deep down
he knew better.
“You don’t agree with me, Subaru-kun? Have I ever hurt you before?”
“N-Not really, I guess…”
“Do you really love me? Do I mean more to you than anyone else?” the Sakurazukamori
murmured before grasping Subaru’s right hand firmly in his own. He lifted it towards his mouth
and kissed the gloved surface so softly that Subaru shouldn’t have been able to feel it at all, but it
created an odd sensation within his body. Something that was similar to pain, yet not entirely
unpleasant.
The Sakurazukamori let go of his hand abruptly. Subaru looked up at the man, expecting to see
his usual, empty expression, but instead he appeared lost and afraid. It made Subaru feel like
crying, but instead he just closed his eyes. He felt the man’s lips press against his own softly, and
Subaru couldn’t help but think that it felt nice.
Then the Sakurazukamori began to kiss him more deeply like he had before. Subaru panicked
and tried to pull away, but he was held firmly in place.
Was this what the Sakurazukamori wanted from him? Had this been what he’d intended to
happen when he’d made the bet with him seven years ago? Judging by the man’s actions it was
possible, but the thought made Subaru feel so horrible that he didn’t want to believe it.
Subaru whimpered when the Sakurazukamori finally pulled away from him.
“Subaru-kun, you’d better now be thinking of backing out of this,” the man whispered harshly.
Subaru didn’t reply.
The man ignored him and began to explore his body with his lips and fingers. Subaru closed his
eyes tightly. He tried to suppress the moans that threatened to escape from his throat, but the
Sakurazukamori only pushed him further and further until he couldn’t hold back anymore. It was
disgusting that a part of him actually enjoyed what the Sakurazukamori was doing to him.
Subaru shivered when he heard the sound of clothing hitting the floor. Only when he opened his
eyes did he realize that both he and the Sakurazukamori were completely naked.
“Subaru-kun… You don’t need to be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you,” the man whispered from
above.
Subaru stared up at the man, but said nothing. ‘I wish that you would hurt me,’ he thought
woefully. ‘This is supposed to be painful. It shouldn’t feel good.’
“Or maybe you think that I’m not good-looking enough for you. I guess I don’t have a very nice
body. I’ve been eating too many sweets, haven’t I?”
“N-No! I-I mean that isn’t true at all, you-you’re… not at all unattractive,” Subaru heard himself
say.
“Do you find me sexy, Subaru-kun?”
Subaru's face became extremely warm. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything.
Seishirou smiled down at him.
“Don’t worry. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Just relax and enjoy yourself, and
always remember that you’re mine.”
Subaru cringed when the man touched him between his thighs.
“You don’t need to be afraid, Subaru-kun. I won’t do anything that will hurt you.”
“B-But… Please-”
“Relax.”
Subaru face became progressively warmer as the man continued touching him in that place. He
didn’t like how his body was reacting to the man’s touches, or the sounds that were coming from
his throat.
Seishirou stopped touching him suddenly, and gave him a reassuring smile.
“Subaru-kun, what’s wrong?”
“I-I’m sorry…”
“You don’t need to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“But, I-”
“Stop feeling guilty about everything, and just enjoy this. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Subaru looked up at Seishirou. He was upset with himself for disappointing him. He wanted to
apologize to him for not being able to give him whatever it was that he wanted, but he couldn’t
have said anything even if he’d wanted to.
Seishirou stared at him for a long time; probably waiting for him to speak. Then he sighed and
began touching him in that place again.
Subaru closed his eyes tightly, and tried to ignore the sardonic voice in the back of his mind that
needlessly reminded him that what he was doing was wrong. He barely noticed how his body
arched into Seishirou’s touch, or the strange pressure that was rapidly building up inside of him.
He couldn’t convince himself that the sensation wasn’t enjoyable, or that he was doing this for
anyone else this time. He had come here of his own free will, knowing what would happen
because he’d wanted this.
Subaru knew that no good would ever come from this. He was only causing himself and the
people around him to suffer so he could enjoy a single night with a man who could never love
him. He knew that he would have to die for this, and Hokuto would suffer because of his death,
but she would survive because she was stronger than him.
Author: Tankyasue
Warning: Shounen-ai. Lime in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Babylon, Clamp does.
Summary: Subaru discovers who Seishirou really is before the end of the bet.
Chapter 8 - Love is Cash
“Hokuto-chan!” Subaru cried out as he entered the room and embraced his sister. Seeing Hokuto
standing in front of him as alive as she’d been since he’d left that morning was immensely
reassuring, and yet it wasn’t enough. He needed to touch her, feel the warmth of her body, and
hear the sound of her voice just to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear.
Hokuto wrapped her arms loosely around his shoulders, but she wasn’t close enough. Subaru
tightened his hold on her in an attempt to get even closer, yet no matter how close she was to him
they would never be close enough.
“Hello Subaru. You’re back earlier than I expected,” Hokuto said in her usual, cheery tone. He
might have believed she was happy if her smile had reached her eyes.
Had she been worrying about him while he was gone?
Blushing, Subaru replied, “I-I might have done the job a little too quickly but… I just really
wanted to see you.”
“Hello Subaru-kun! I’m glad to see that you’re back!” a familiar voice called out gleefully from
the living room.
Subaru knew who had spoken even before the Sakurazukamori stepped into the kitchen with an
atavistic smile on his face. He instinctively let go of his sister and stepped in front of her.
Why had the Sakurazukamori been alone with Hokuto-chan?
“Seishirou-san! Erm… I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you were here…” Subaru blurted out as the
Sakurazukamori moved closer towards him. He’d barely even realized that he’d said anything
until the words were out of his mouth.
“I noticed,” the man whispered as he continued to approach him.
Subaru took a step back, but he might as well have remained where he was because he was
trapped in the man's arms only a moment later.
“Subaru-kun, didn’t you miss me while I was gone?” The Sakurazukamori asked, clinging onto
him tightly.
“O-Of course.”
“You remember your promise, don’t you?”
“Of course I do Seishirou-san,” he answered, immediately recalling the foolish promise that he’d
made with the man that morning. “I promised that I would spend some time with you after I got
back from Kyoto.”
“But isn’t it a little late for that?” Hokuto protested sternly.
The Sakurazukamori just ignored her. “How would you like to come to my apartment tonight,
Subaru-kun? I told you that my bed is very comfortable, didn’t I?”
Subaru's face turned bright scarlet when he realized what the Sakurazukamori might have been
implying, but his blush faded as quickly as it had appeared. The Sakurazukamori never meant
anything that he said to him. It was just another one of the man's perverted jokes. Even if they
were 'together' now, surely he wouldn't do that.
Besides, he needed to spend more time with the Sakurazukamori. Otherwise, he might get near
Hokuto again.
Reluctantly, Subaru nodded.
The murderer smiled at him warmly and pulled him outside. Subaru could hear his sister calling
after them, begging them to stop, but her voice sounded far away.
xxxx
Not long after they'd left Hokuto's apartment, the Sakurazukamori suddenly pressed his lips
against his own. Subaru froze predictably; he always did this whenever the man did this sort of
thing to him. Though Subaru mentally berated himself for his fear, a part of him knew that it was
justified this time. This kiss wasn't just the brief, almost tender brushing of the lips that the
Sakurazukamori normally gave him. It had been almost a minute, or at least he thought so, and
the man gave no indication of pulling away. In fact, it seemed like he was gradually pushing
himself even closer to him.
Subaru closed his eyes and tried to remember how he’d felt enclosed in Hokuto’s loving embrace
before, but her warmth and happiness had left him the moment that he’d heard the
Sakurazukamori’s voice. Though he desperately wanted to ‘see’ his sister’s smiling face again,
even if it was only within the darkness of his mind, he couldn’t because he knew that it was false.
His sister wasn’t happy. She’d been weeping on the kitchen floor since he’d left and it was his
fault. He could still hear her crying.
When he opened his eyes, he was reminded that he and the Sakurazukamori were still in the
parking lot just outside of the apartment building, close enough that Hokuto could have seen
them outside of the kitchen window if she only dared to look. For a moment, Subaru was
convinced that he could see his sister watching him, but when he blinked no one was there.
Subaru lowered his eyes, but he could still 'see' his sister's face watching him through the
window. Even when he felt the Sakurazukamori pull away from him at last, he couldn't bring
himself to look up again.
Distantly, Subaru thought that he heard a voice whisper his name in his ear, but before he could
reply, the Sakurazukamori began ravishing him again.
Had Hokuto really been there only moments ago, or had he only imagined it? What would she
think of him if she saw him like this? Even if he could tell her his reasons, she would never
forgive him for everything that he’d done.
Subaru wasn’t sure why he was doing any of this. Even if he allowed the Sakurazukamori to do
these things to him, he would never have any more importance than a glass cup in the man’s
heart, and the outcome of the bet would remain the same. Hokuto would die because he couldn’t
save her.
Subaru suddenly wanted to push the man away from him, even if his actions would cost him his
life. If it would put an end to the mendacity that had existed between them since their unfortunate
meeting at the station, he would gladly accept death with open arms.
However, Subaru couldn’t push the man away from him because he knew that if he were to die
Hokuto would become even more upset than she already was. The only thing that he could do
was stand still and allow the Sakurazukamori to have his way with him. He closed his eyes and
tried to pretend that the man wasn’t invading mouth or caressing his thigh, but these touches
caused an unnatural feeling to emerge within him. There was an uncharacteristic urgency about
the man’s actions. His touches moved progressively closer to violence, but never seemed to cross
the line far enough to cause him physical pain.
Why should the Sakurazukamori trouble himself to be gentle? Glass cups can’t feel pain,
Subaru thought, fighting back tears.
Even when he felt the Sakurazukamori’s hand move progressively higher up his thigh, he did
nothing to stop it. Subaru tried to swallow the whimper that escaped from his lips when the man
finally grasped him between his thighs. Only when he saw the Sakurazukamori smirking down at
him did he realize that he’d become hard.
“Never forget that you’re mine,” he whispered before kissing him gently on the lips. The
Sakurazukamori opened the door to the passenger side of the van abruptly and pushed him
inside.
xxxx
The Sakurazukamori pushed Subaru up against the wall just outside the door of his apartment,
and captured his lips once again. Subaru whimpered beneath the kiss, and closed his eyes tightly.
He wished that he could block out the aberrant sensation that was arising within him, but the
more that the Sakurazukamori touched him like this, the worse it became. A sardonic voice
whispered in the back of his mind:
“You’re in love with him… isn’t that right, Subaru-kun. You love it when he kisses you…
touches you… you want him to do it more.”
“That’s not true! I’m not in love with him!”
“Then why do you let him?”
“For Hokuto-chan… If I can teach the Sakurazukamori to care, Hokuto-chan will be saved, and
Seishirou-san will be happy.”
At the time, Subaru had thought that he’d meant what he’d said, but now that he could see how
his body was reacting to the Sakurazukamori’s touches he knew the truth. It was impossible to
win the bet, he had known that from the beginning, and yet he had tried anyway because he was a
pervert that enjoyed being touched in this sort of way. He never really cared about making
Hokuto happy or teaching the Sakurazukamori to love. That had only been a lie that he’d told
himself so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for being such a horrible person.
“You know, I never thought that you were capable of lying, my Subaru-kun. You always
seemed like the kind of person who would never lie, even if it meant saving his own life. But it
seems that I was mistaken. That was the second time that you’ve lied to me.”
He hadn’t been able to appreciate the humour in that statement when the Sakurazukamori had
said that to him on the day of his first kiss. Pure... innocent... unable to lie... unable to sin... that's
what everyone thought of him, but nothing was further from the truth.
Subaru was an expert at lying. He'd spent his entire life lying to himself; subconsciously hiding
ugly, obvious truths from his own fragile heart just because believing in pretty lies was so much
easier.
But, he couldn’t lie to himself anymore because he could see now that the city that he’d once
loved was really a horrible and ugly place, and the worst part of it was not the Sakurazukamori,
but himself.
“Subaru-kun…” the Sakurazukamori whispered directly in his ear. Subaru hadn’t even felt him
nibbling on it earlier. The man cupped his chin and gently raised his face to force him to look
directly into his eyes. “Subaru-kun, you’re crying…”
“I’m sorry…” Subaru muttered softly. It was a pointless automatic response. He wasn’t even sure
what he was apologizing for.
“Don’t apologize. It’s my fault for pushing you too far,” the Sakurazukamori answered gently.
“If it’s easier, we can just pretend that this never happened. I'll drive you home. I’m sure that
Hokuto-chan will be happy to see you again.”
'I'd like that,' Subaru thought to himself, smiling subconsciously. He could still remember how
happy and safe he'd felt within Hokuto's arms before the Sakurazukamori had arrived…
"Subaru-kun, are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you? If you’re afraid I’ll take you back to your beloved sister. I’m sure that she’s worried
about you anyway," the Sakurazukamori muttered, without meeting his gaze.
Subaru began to feel guilty when he noticed that Seishirou wasn’t looking at him anymore.
Maybe Seishirou didn’t want to be left alone, and the thought of him leaving upset him. Maybe
the reason why Seishirou had made the bet with him in the first place was because he was lonely.
"I-I want to stay here with you," Subaru said suddenly, without even realizing it. His face became
hot a moment later. "I-I mean-"
"Would you really like to remain here with me for the rest of the night, Subaru-kun? If you stay
here much longer, I won't be able to restrain myself."
Subaru remained silent for a long time. He knew exactly what Seishirou had meant, and it scared
him, but he didn’t want to leave him alone if it would make him feel sad.
Subaru looked down at the floor. "I-I’ll stay.”
Subaru didn’t see the Sakurazukamori smile down at him as he removed his glasses. “Well then,
you’d better not have any second thoughts,” he murmured, pressing himself against his leg,
“Because even if you beg, I won’t be able to stop myself.”
Without giving Subaru a moment to reconsider, the Sakurazukamori lifted him up into his arms.
It this wasn’t the first time that the man had carried him like this, but knowing that did nothing to
ease his discomfort. Along with the awkwardness of his present position there was a sense of
helplessness and vulnerability. Like this, he wouldn’t have been able to escape from the
Sakurazukamori even if he wanted to.
The darkness of the Sakurazukamori’s apartment only increased his susceptibility. It was
impossible for him to see anything, and yet the man ignored it as he continued to walk
confidently onward, only pausing to open the door. The door’s audible protest caused Subaru to
flinch slightly. There was something terrifying about the sound, but the man ignored it, as he
seemed to ignore the darkness around him.
The Sakurazukamori sighed almost too softly for him to hear before laying him down on his bed.
Subaru vaguely recalled being here with him before, but this time the Sakurazukamori hadn’t
brought him here to comfort him.
With a flick of a switch, the room was filled with a dim light that was even less comforting than
the darkness. Seeing the Sakurazukamori’s golden eyes upon him made him cringe. It was the
first time that he’d really looked at the man without his glasses.
“Subaru-kun,” he murmured in a voice void of the gentleness that he’d become accustomed to. “I
hope that you’re not having any second thoughts about this.”
Subaru froze but didn’t reply. He knew that the man wasn’t giving him another chance to get
away. He was threatening him. If he were to ask to leave now, the Sakurazukamori would surely
tear out his throat, and though this should be preferable to what the man had planned for him, he
couldn’t bring himself to ask for it.
“You don’t need to be afraid,” the man said cheerfully as he unbuttoned his shirt. “I promise that
I won’t hurt you. I’m always gentle with you, aren’t I?”
Subaru wondered how ‘gentle’ fit into what they were doing as he watched the man’s fingers
unfasten the last button with morbid fascination. Though a part of him was aware of what would
happen next, he couldn’t stop himself from shivering when the man removed his shirt in one
swift motion. He wanted to believe it was just the cool temperature of the room, but deep down
he knew better.
“You don’t agree with me, Subaru-kun? Have I ever hurt you before?”
“N-Not really, I guess…”
“Do you really love me? Do I mean more to you than anyone else?” the Sakurazukamori
murmured before grasping Subaru’s right hand firmly in his own. He lifted it towards his mouth
and kissed the gloved surface so softly that Subaru shouldn’t have been able to feel it at all, but it
created an odd sensation within his body. Something that was similar to pain, yet not entirely
unpleasant.
The Sakurazukamori let go of his hand abruptly. Subaru looked up at the man, expecting to see
his usual, empty expression, but instead he appeared lost and afraid. It made Subaru feel like
crying, but instead he just closed his eyes. He felt the man’s lips press against his own softly, and
Subaru couldn’t help but think that it felt nice.
Then the Sakurazukamori began to kiss him more deeply like he had before. Subaru panicked
and tried to pull away, but he was held firmly in place.
Was this what the Sakurazukamori wanted from him? Had this been what he’d intended to
happen when he’d made the bet with him seven years ago? Judging by the man’s actions it was
possible, but the thought made Subaru feel so horrible that he didn’t want to believe it.
Subaru whimpered when the Sakurazukamori finally pulled away from him.
“Subaru-kun, you’d better now be thinking of backing out of this,” the man whispered harshly.
Subaru didn’t reply.
The man ignored him and began to explore his body with his lips and fingers. Subaru closed his
eyes tightly. He tried to suppress the moans that threatened to escape from his throat, but the
Sakurazukamori only pushed him further and further until he couldn’t hold back anymore. It was
disgusting that a part of him actually enjoyed what the Sakurazukamori was doing to him.
Subaru shivered when he heard the sound of clothing hitting the floor. Only when he opened his
eyes did he realize that both he and the Sakurazukamori were completely naked.
“Subaru-kun… You don’t need to be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you,” the man whispered from
above.
Subaru stared up at the man, but said nothing. ‘I wish that you would hurt me,’ he thought
woefully. ‘This is supposed to be painful. It shouldn’t feel good.’
“Or maybe you think that I’m not good-looking enough for you. I guess I don’t have a very nice
body. I’ve been eating too many sweets, haven’t I?”
“N-No! I-I mean that isn’t true at all, you-you’re… not at all unattractive,” Subaru heard himself
say.
“Do you find me sexy, Subaru-kun?”
Subaru's face became extremely warm. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything.
Seishirou smiled down at him.
“Don’t worry. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Just relax and enjoy yourself, and
always remember that you’re mine.”
Subaru cringed when the man touched him between his thighs.
“You don’t need to be afraid, Subaru-kun. I won’t do anything that will hurt you.”
“B-But… Please-”
“Relax.”
Subaru face became progressively warmer as the man continued touching him in that place. He
didn’t like how his body was reacting to the man’s touches, or the sounds that were coming from
his throat.
Seishirou stopped touching him suddenly, and gave him a reassuring smile.
“Subaru-kun, what’s wrong?”
“I-I’m sorry…”
“You don’t need to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“But, I-”
“Stop feeling guilty about everything, and just enjoy this. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Subaru looked up at Seishirou. He was upset with himself for disappointing him. He wanted to
apologize to him for not being able to give him whatever it was that he wanted, but he couldn’t
have said anything even if he’d wanted to.
Seishirou stared at him for a long time; probably waiting for him to speak. Then he sighed and
began touching him in that place again.
Subaru closed his eyes tightly, and tried to ignore the sardonic voice in the back of his mind that
needlessly reminded him that what he was doing was wrong. He barely noticed how his body
arched into Seishirou’s touch, or the strange pressure that was rapidly building up inside of him.
He couldn’t convince himself that the sensation wasn’t enjoyable, or that he was doing this for
anyone else this time. He had come here of his own free will, knowing what would happen
because he’d wanted this.
Subaru knew that no good would ever come from this. He was only causing himself and the
people around him to suffer so he could enjoy a single night with a man who could never love
him. He knew that he would have to die for this, and Hokuto would suffer because of his death,
but she would survive because she was stronger than him.