Coming Home

[tanky_tg]

Tank is finally back (and as Murdoc predicted, huge). She was driven home most of the way to Kong Studios by Booga. They stopped at a Denny's and then the mutated Roo was ordered home. Murdoc would take her the rest of the way and she wanted time alone with him

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[tanky_tg]

As Murdoc catches up, Tank turns around to let him have it. She is too slow to get away from him now- even if she has a car. But instead of righteous anger, Tank is crying. Some people are shocked that she's capable of this but she is. She cries during horrible dreams, if her friends are really hurt, once her arm was ripped off and she cried from pain. Now it seems to be all three at once.

"Yer doin' drugs again! Jus look at you! You look like shite!"
She holds her huge belly as tears run down her face. Tank looks behind Murdoc at the manager coming out to catch the jokers running out on their bill, yelling 'Hey!' as he walks toward them. Tank keeps yelling, wondering if Muds even heard the words 'your son'.

"You think I don't know what you look like on a fucking meth bender?? You think I don't know??! Why did you even come 'ere if you weren't gonna by the babies Daddy? I could 'ave stayed with Booga and my Gramps if you wanted to kill yerself!!"
She pushes him away from her as hard as she can- but the violence toward Murdoc and the fact she's deciding to leave him sends a shot of pain through her belly. The satanic powers inside her womb trying to keep her from leaving, just as the morning sickness threatened to keep her near Murdoc.

The manager stops yelling and comes forward to help her, despite the new information that the man with her is on drugs.

[murdoc_nicalls]

For once, when he's called on it, Muds actually feels ashamed of his drug use. Normally he makes no apologies for it. He quit for the band because it effected his work, but started again when there was less work to be done. He quit for Tank because it effected their relationship. But how the drugs effect him has never bothered him. Now, however, with his body running the chemicals so fast and the crash coming on quick and vicious every time, he's painfully aware of the damage he's doing... And that's why he's doing it.

"Look, I've got my bloody reasons, orright?! S'not as simple as all that!"
He's doing this so he can be there for her. Fuck. Why can't she just listen and see that? Between the chemicals in his system and the heat building inside of him and screaming blinding anger, it's hard to rationalize. He wants to just grab her and shake her until she sees he's right.
"I'm doin' whot I need to fer this t'work, Tank. If you can't fucking trust me..." He'll what? Leave? Every thought in his head falls apart when she's suddenly in pain. The woman he loves and his child (his son?) are hurt... Muds has never wished the drugs from his system this hard in all his life. He only even came close once, and then he had nearly killed a man by accident.

Murdoc shoves the manager away roughly, knocking him back with more strength than he'd intended. "Move, tosser!" He tosses a wad of bills at the man, hoping to cover the bill and keep him quiet. "Tanky? Love? I'm sorry. Please, lemme take you home." He puts his arms around her and tries not to shake as the crash starts to hit. He'd hoped he had longer.

[tanky_tg]

The thrown manager scoops up the bills, flashing Murdoc an angry look and a concerned one at the woman. He hangs around from a distance still watching to make sure this crazy person didn't hurt her. Waitress stand at the door, looking out. Hoping to see their boss punched in the face and taking advantage of the unscheduled break.

Murdoc's reason just sounds like the silly logic of an addict to her. Of course he thinks he needs it to get through the stress and worry of being a father. He's a junkie. And her trust that he's strong enough to get clean is fading. She lets Murdoc steer her toward the geep and help her inside, spying Cortez on a phone pool watching them. She glares at the bird, having wondered if every raven she's seen while at her Grandfathers was that horrid little creature. Tank has shot a lot of birds down recently for the crime of looking like him from a distance.

She sits in silence now, angry at him for making excuses and angry that she risked all this to come to him. Her hands lay on top of her swollen stomach as the baby kicks. He's curious as to what the yelling was about and that cramping he felt earlier.
Tank takes Murdoc's hand off the wheel and lays it there so he can feel it too. She'd been looking forward to him experiencing it for the first time. Although the joy is taken out of it now, maybe the baby can kick some sense into him.

[murdoc_nicalls]

Large, black birds have been a part of Murdoc's life since he was born. There's always been at least one present for every major memory he can think of. He's always thought of them as looking after him in a way. If he knew he was just being spied on by one in particular his whole life, he might be a little worried... but more pissed off.

In the geep, he turns the radio up to give him time to think. This isn't going at all well. He's upset her already, and he knows himself well enough to know he'll make it worse before it gets better. What the fuck made him think he could do this? He's not fit to be anyone's da. He can't even do a half decent job of it now and the kid isn't even born yet...

Then Tank has hold of his wrist and she's moving his hand onto her belly. Sweet hell, it's mazing how much bigger she's gotten. Her stomach is firm and warm and it's amazing to think that she's really serving as home to their child. When the baby kicks and he feels it Murdoc's eyes go wide. Another kick and he's left with a shocked sort of grin playing loosely at his lips. It's hard to keep any of his attention on the road.

"Fucking hell... Little blighter will be breaking other bastards' knee-caps before he's out of nappies!" He laughs and risks a sideways glance at Tank, who he knows is still furious with him. "You...you said 'son'. D'you know for sure?" Muds can't bring himself to move his hand away. He thought it would be gross, but it's just...amazing.

[tanky_tg]

Tank is still plenty mad. But it's too hard not to smile along with Murdoc and his goofy face. She knows he loves her and the baby and wants them. Usually she'd say that anything Muds wants he'd move Hell to get. But he keeps up with those drugs, and though she's a fan of a lot of them (not the kind Muds prefers) theres a difference between having fun and being on them to get through things.

"Yer son. I know for sure. I wos gonna keep it as a surprise and find out along with you but the doc let it slip on accident during one of tha sonograms."
She catches his eye, making sure he hears the next part.

"Ya can't be trusted alone with him if yer using. Ya can't be alone in the room with yer own child."
The baby kicks again as if adding an exclamation point as Tank turns back to the road. It's impossible to see any good reason he should be on smack when she's trying to keep him in the babies life. All his insistence that there's good reason is pitied. Poor old man and his habits.

[murdoc_nicalls]

He's going to have a son. Murdoc's going to be a father and he's going to have a son. It's strange that something he's lived in fear of since he was twelve can suddenly be the best news imaginable. It would be better if he didn't feel like shit. It would be better if Tank didn't look at him that way because of it.

The idea he can't be trusted not to be a danger to his own child makes Murdoc sick. That makes him like his father, and he never meant to be that.
"I can handle it! Besides..it's jus' for a while! It's jus' while I'm sortin' something out. Fuck, Tank, I've quit using before. I c'n do it again!" Though, he only did heroin for a short stint in his youth and he knows it hits you like a truck when you stop. That's what's kept him mostly clear of it ever since. At least, til now.

Speaking of that truck, Muds is starting to sweat. He's freezing, even more than the chill air whipping through the geep should account for, and cold sweat is beading over his body. Shit. The urge to be sick is getting strong, but he swallows it down.

[tanky_tg]

Tank doesn't notice the signs of withdraw in him. As soon as he starts insisting that it's temporary, she brushes his hand off her and folds her arms over her chest protectively. She turns away, staring out her own window as Murdoc starts to have chilled sweats.

She's imagining supervised visits. Murdoc coming to Australia and growling at her friends as they sit in to make sure he doesn't drop the child or take it with him while he scores. She wont live with him like this. And now she regrets coming back. What use is he to her like this?
"You do thot, Muds. Bein' high will fix whatever it is. An then in the three months you 'ave before the baby comes you can sober up. If you live through it. Will you be straight before he's born? An fer how long? Two weeks? A month if I'm lucky? How old will be boy be before you can be trusted to hold 'im on yer own?"

Tank is in a quiet rage. This is a bad sign. Because when she's really angry and not screaming- someone is fucked.
"Yer running out of time and we're movin on without you."

[murdoc_nicalls]

Time is running out. He knows it. Still, Murdoc can't think of himself as half the addict Tank sees him as, and so he's offended. He pushes away thoughts like 'how is he going to quit?' and that 'this isn't a solution, it's a bandaid on the problem'. He'll get past this. ... He has to.

"I...I don't think living through it's gonna be an issue, love. I'll figure it out... Maybe.." He's swallowing reflexively and has to grip the wheel white-knuckle tight to keep the geep straight on the road. "Maybe you c'n help me, eh?" Women love a project, right?
He doesn't last much longer before he has to pull the car onto he shoulder of the M1 and clamor out to crouch beside the car and empty his stomach. It's mostly dry heaves, since he hasn't really been eating.

[tanky_tg]

Oh right. Because she'll have all the time in the world, not being able to move too much without getting sick herself and these fucking cramps that shoot through her at odd moments. Nothing like keeping her man off the hard drugs and soothing his sickness to go along with a difficult pregnancy. She's about to fill him in on the reality but then the geep pulls over and Muds is out of his seat like it caught fire.

She slowly makes her way out on the drivers side so she doesn't have to worry about traffic and stands behind him. Kneeling down is just not going to happen. So she uses the car to lower herself to a sitting position and rubs his back as he dry heaves.
"Can I stop you from taken 'em? Whot can I do, Muds? You tell me. Cause if bein with me an yer baby doesn't help you quit I don know."

[murdoc_nicalls]

After a while, it feels like his stomach may turn inside out, but eventually Murdoc stops himself from being ill. This is terrible, yeah. It's killing him and it's keeping him from the woman he loves and their child. Problem is, he has some idea what he could lose if he really solved the problem.
It's cold as hell and winter is setting in, but for all his falling apart.. Muds hasn't coughed once. Whatever's in him makes him stronger...he doesn't want to be old and weak again.

Murdoc wipes his mouth and crouches there, looking Tank in the eyes.
"I fixed jus' before leaving t'come get you. Wan'ed t'seem t'gether fer it, y'know? That must of been...whot? Forty minutes ago? An hour? Now I'm balls deep in the brutal arse kicking of crashing out... Full on withdrawal." He shivers a little in his leather jacket and rubs at his arms. "By the time we get home? Maybe little after? I'll be clean as a bloody saint, darling."

He pulls himself up shakily and offers a hand to help her up from the ground.
"There's more t'this than you know. You help me find a better andwer too whot i'm treatin, and the drugs are good as in the bin." He's said far too much and his head starts to pound and burn. It's a fight to keep control, and one he's scared he's going to lose soon.

[tanky_tg]

Tank wonders why he'd admitting to taking a fix right before seeing her until he goes on. Now she's confused, scared, and disbelieving.
"Thots not possible."

She lets him have her hand because getting up by herself is not only hard but stupid looking as she feels like a beached whale. She stares at him, obviously he is going through withdrawal. And he wouldn't lie about how recent he's taken the drugs. Something is so wrong here and of course she wants more information.

"Whots doin this to you??" She grips his hand unwilling to let him go until she gets answers.

[murdoc_nicalls]

He turns to face her when that small hand closes on his and Murdoc's eyes plead with her to just let it go. He can't answer to this right now.

"I... I don' know. Somethin's...somethin's tryin' to..."
Muds' free hand goes to his head and he groans in pain. This isn't fair. There's just another couple of miles to Kong. You can see the bloody hill from here. "F..fuck..." Fighting this is worse than the withdrawal and it's a losing battle. When he lowers his hand again, his eyes seem more clear and the pain seems to have stopped.... all of it.
Murdoc's hand is very warm.

"Bloody awful headaches. Part of the sickness. Sorry, love."
He ushers her towards he car, smiling fondly (if a bit creepily) at her belly full with child.
"We should get off again before it rains."
Freezing rain. And the way clouds are now gathering, it might be soon.

[tanky_tg]

Tank watches him suffer as she frowns. There's no magic button to stop him from hurting. Or so she thought. Then he seems to find it himself.
She's put back in the car in a kind of confused daze. What the fuck just happened there?

As Murdoc drives, Tank just stares at him. It's like someone flipped a switch. And who is she to complain about it when it made him better? The rest of the way there she looks puzzled. Was that it? Are all the withdrawal symptoms gone just like that? Did he come across some kind of healing power? She remembers him on his birthday, coming in looking better then she'd ever seen him and then the sex that night, the act that brought the child in the first place. He never ran out of breath, he never stopped. It was as if she got a younger Muds.
It was too good to question but now every blessing is looked upon with a strange distrust. She feels bad for having to question the good along with the bad.

The rain starts like God dumping a bucket on them as soon as the gates to Kong open. Tank has never been so quiet.

[murdoc_nicalls]

Murdoc is remarkably silent for the rest of the trip as well. He seems to be fine now, as opposed to the torture he was suffering before. Forcing the reaction down and drowning out the drugs even faster is dangerous, but he was about to ruin everything. Measures had to be taken.

The rain is cold and soaks to the bone. If you watch closely, it raises light steam as it hits Murdoc's skin. He slips an arm around Tank's shoulders to keep her warm as they follow the drive around the strange, dark hill and into the Kong carpark.
Speaking is a risk. The adversary can fake being Muds, but even his pride isn't enough to be sure he can fool Tank Girl. She's too close to the bassist to be tricked easily.
The geep is parked and Murdoc climbs out.
"Need help, love? I could dig up a towel for you. Might have a clean one in the winne."

[tanky_tg]

Tank is watching the steam rise off Murdoc from the corner of her eye. The arm he puts around her is hot, and would be welcome if it wasn't so... weird. She's not afraid of him. But she is afraid for him. It's easier when it's the other way around. She can hit and tear flesh. But she's not sure what to do here.

"No. Mm fine." She mumbles, getting out of the geep herself. She plans to find Stu soon.

[murdoc_nicalls]

With the geep parked, Muds leads Tank to their room on the first floor of Kong. The place has been picked up a bit, but still remains a mess. Guns are left on the floor and leaning against the wall and dirty clothes have just been pushed into a pile. The bed has actually been made, though, and the purple silk sheets look clean.

Murdoc steps into the room's private toilet (marked with a men's room sign) and tosses Tank a towel as he dries himself off with another.

"Lemme know if I c'n get anything fer you or the baby. Provided it's not too much of a strain, I may even go fer it m'self."
Murdoc is deeply lazy. At least, the in the devil's opinion. It makes him a bit disgusting, but it's also part of what makes him so loyal and easily controlled.