sayonara
It's been 10 days since my last entry, and 10 days since my first date with Chef-O. When the initial date is just to make up for the misunderstanding that was caused by a beehoola bumbaclot mass of mohair, certainly the next 3 dates weren't. In the span of short-of-two-weeks, I've been regailed 4 times by his presence. And the weird and funny thing is, that the more I see him, the more enamored I became of him. I've been sighing a week long and it's not funny. I have tried not to think about any romantic inclinations ever since 9 months ago, but this is not helping.
If he had let me pay for the first date, althought you might catch me balking inside, I would have thought it even ground. But no, he had to "ensure" that I see him for a second time so I would have a chance to make ammends properly. The problem is, that the more I get to see him, the more interested I am in getting to know about him. It's like looking at the Grand Canyon. It's not so grand when you see it on a postcard, but once you get close right to the edge, it will just take your breath away. And that is apparently what he is doing to me right now. And the little things that he doesn't know he does, those are the things that make my toes curl under my tight boots.
I was very calm and collected when I wasn't as interested in him in the beginning, but I am trying to control myself yesterday when he was sitting beside me, so I was careful not to enjoy the view so much before I start mauling him like a deranged mutt. And it's not good to give someone bruises before you even get to that point when some bruises are testament of something else.
I don't know if this going out with him thing is working though. I have been warned that Mexicans are Speedy Gonzales, but so far he hasn't even attempted to make the first move or even flirt with me. Which is a good thing I guess because my motto for the year is to take it slow. I've done enough gun-slinging during the summer of 2004, that winding down to a turtle pace would be a change of scenery. I'm thinking that the process is reversing, that the more I am interested in him, the less he is of me. Maybe it's all a misunderstanding from the beginning, that in fact, he wasn't hurt, because he wasn't interested, and it's only because of meddling people that I thought it was so. I just learned a few days ago that he hasn't even read anything about the incident until I apologized for it. Speaking of kicking one's self in the ass.
I think I am getting myself in trouble for going out with him, that when yesterday he made some comments about all girls being a liar and that he doesn't like cheats, and him telling the little girl in the room not to grow up like me, I just tried to laugh it off but feeling quite the opposite inside. I was just being modest, and speaking the truth when I said I'm not really into playing pool. Those were just lucky shots when I made 3 in a row. I chucked it up to the Hand of God and some invisible power certainly not mine. But I don't know whether he was joking or not, but it certainly pricked the sensitive me.
I thought for sure it's going to be the last day that I am seeing him, particularly when I was no fun, a party pooper at the curling club that we went to. I just had to show him how inept I am by being my klutzy self on the first try and banging my knee on the ice and falling on my face, almost creating a boob imprint on the ice. Then I benched myself after that, just relagated to watching him doing his thing - even though it's also his first time. I thought I better consume whatever I can of him since everytime we see each other might be our last. So I stared at his back - short of burning a hole right through his head, and pretend that I was not looking when he turned around. One time, he almost caught me offguard by scaring me while I staring off space and was daydreaming about him. *Sigh*
So I went home almost dejected until he called me an hour or so later just to say "Thank you" for the day. Like he does everytime. But this time he called because he thought he forgot to say it. Everytime, he says that, I thought it was just like saying "Goodbye" so I'm not holding my breath for the next "hang out". I am drilling it in my head that it's just a hanging out and not a date, because he almost said it when his relatives asked him how did his date went, and he said "what date?" So be it. It's just 2 of us hanging out, to see if we're good enough to be friends. If I programmed myself to think the same way, the less disappointed I will be if it didn't work out. I tell you, I am not very good with this thing called emotions. I am better off with COT's or FMF's. Go figure that one out.
Yesterday, I dreamt of him not ever kissing me during all our "outings" together, but he was certainly more chummy with the pretty Indian girl in the next room the first time he saw her, when I passed by and saw them together, and I just turned and walked away. And I know that all my dreams do come true, just not the ones I wanted to come true, just the ones that I don't.
If he had let me pay for the first date, althought you might catch me balking inside, I would have thought it even ground. But no, he had to "ensure" that I see him for a second time so I would have a chance to make ammends properly. The problem is, that the more I get to see him, the more interested I am in getting to know about him. It's like looking at the Grand Canyon. It's not so grand when you see it on a postcard, but once you get close right to the edge, it will just take your breath away. And that is apparently what he is doing to me right now. And the little things that he doesn't know he does, those are the things that make my toes curl under my tight boots.
I was very calm and collected when I wasn't as interested in him in the beginning, but I am trying to control myself yesterday when he was sitting beside me, so I was careful not to enjoy the view so much before I start mauling him like a deranged mutt. And it's not good to give someone bruises before you even get to that point when some bruises are testament of something else.
I don't know if this going out with him thing is working though. I have been warned that Mexicans are Speedy Gonzales, but so far he hasn't even attempted to make the first move or even flirt with me. Which is a good thing I guess because my motto for the year is to take it slow. I've done enough gun-slinging during the summer of 2004, that winding down to a turtle pace would be a change of scenery. I'm thinking that the process is reversing, that the more I am interested in him, the less he is of me. Maybe it's all a misunderstanding from the beginning, that in fact, he wasn't hurt, because he wasn't interested, and it's only because of meddling people that I thought it was so. I just learned a few days ago that he hasn't even read anything about the incident until I apologized for it. Speaking of kicking one's self in the ass.
I think I am getting myself in trouble for going out with him, that when yesterday he made some comments about all girls being a liar and that he doesn't like cheats, and him telling the little girl in the room not to grow up like me, I just tried to laugh it off but feeling quite the opposite inside. I was just being modest, and speaking the truth when I said I'm not really into playing pool. Those were just lucky shots when I made 3 in a row. I chucked it up to the Hand of God and some invisible power certainly not mine. But I don't know whether he was joking or not, but it certainly pricked the sensitive me.
I thought for sure it's going to be the last day that I am seeing him, particularly when I was no fun, a party pooper at the curling club that we went to. I just had to show him how inept I am by being my klutzy self on the first try and banging my knee on the ice and falling on my face, almost creating a boob imprint on the ice. Then I benched myself after that, just relagated to watching him doing his thing - even though it's also his first time. I thought I better consume whatever I can of him since everytime we see each other might be our last. So I stared at his back - short of burning a hole right through his head, and pretend that I was not looking when he turned around. One time, he almost caught me offguard by scaring me while I staring off space and was daydreaming about him. *Sigh*
So I went home almost dejected until he called me an hour or so later just to say "Thank you" for the day. Like he does everytime. But this time he called because he thought he forgot to say it. Everytime, he says that, I thought it was just like saying "Goodbye" so I'm not holding my breath for the next "hang out". I am drilling it in my head that it's just a hanging out and not a date, because he almost said it when his relatives asked him how did his date went, and he said "what date?" So be it. It's just 2 of us hanging out, to see if we're good enough to be friends. If I programmed myself to think the same way, the less disappointed I will be if it didn't work out. I tell you, I am not very good with this thing called emotions. I am better off with COT's or FMF's. Go figure that one out.
Yesterday, I dreamt of him not ever kissing me during all our "outings" together, but he was certainly more chummy with the pretty Indian girl in the next room the first time he saw her, when I passed by and saw them together, and I just turned and walked away. And I know that all my dreams do come true, just not the ones I wanted to come true, just the ones that I don't.