countdown
There are approximately 63 days left before I turn the big three-O. Looking at my pace, I don't think I'll be able do anything of significance by the time I reach that day. I've given myself 10 years since I was 20 to find a "soulmate" of sorts, not that I really believe in the concept. But I'll play along romantic lines if it need be. So far, I haven't had the pleasure of having that elusive mate falling into my lap. If he's ever in my vicinity at any point in time during the last 10 years, I certainly didn't know of it. Who's the going to be culprit, or shall we say, victim of my emotional abuse? No one has stepped up to the plate yet. If they did, certainly they didn't last.
I want to be in love. But I haven't yet found a potential partner-in-life. And certainly, I don't want to be in love, just to change my mind again, you know pretty well, wishy-washy me. But I admit, the euphoria of just being in love is addictive. The old cliche of "being in love with love" surely applies to me. But I know it isn't fair to the person I'm loving. But I have to admit, if that was the case, then I'd pretty much be in love with everybody I met. Ooops, my bad. High tendency to do so, granted the right "type" passes me by. But with me, it's not about the right "type", as it is about the right "feel".
I'm not so sure I've had that "right feel" yet. If so, I certainly had countless doubts about it. I used to tell myself 20 years ago, that I'd never marry, never have kids, but beginning this year, the blasted clock kept urging me otherwise. So I have to make sure, that before I fully commit to anyone, that it's a "love forever." Highly improbable, unless you're a fortune teller, but at least, to find someone I can gamble my future with. I'm nearing 30, and I've given myself that deadline, figuring if I haven't yet met my future husband by then, I don't think I'll ever will, certainly not with me getting wrinkly, and sagging everyday.
For now though, I have to settle just gazing starry-eyed at reality tv wedding shows, hoping that one day, I'll make that trip down the aisle before I get too old to do so.
I want to be in love. But I haven't yet found a potential partner-in-life. And certainly, I don't want to be in love, just to change my mind again, you know pretty well, wishy-washy me. But I admit, the euphoria of just being in love is addictive. The old cliche of "being in love with love" surely applies to me. But I know it isn't fair to the person I'm loving. But I have to admit, if that was the case, then I'd pretty much be in love with everybody I met. Ooops, my bad. High tendency to do so, granted the right "type" passes me by. But with me, it's not about the right "type", as it is about the right "feel".
I'm not so sure I've had that "right feel" yet. If so, I certainly had countless doubts about it. I used to tell myself 20 years ago, that I'd never marry, never have kids, but beginning this year, the blasted clock kept urging me otherwise. So I have to make sure, that before I fully commit to anyone, that it's a "love forever." Highly improbable, unless you're a fortune teller, but at least, to find someone I can gamble my future with. I'm nearing 30, and I've given myself that deadline, figuring if I haven't yet met my future husband by then, I don't think I'll ever will, certainly not with me getting wrinkly, and sagging everyday.
For now though, I have to settle just gazing starry-eyed at reality tv wedding shows, hoping that one day, I'll make that trip down the aisle before I get too old to do so.