(no subject)
i feel the need to scream but no voice will come out. im so depressed and alone. i know it was my choice to be this way and in time i wont let it bother me that im not going to bed with him, but it still hurts. it hurts that i get called all these horrible names and talked to in a bad way even still after 8 months of trying to make it up to him. im not regretting coming up here. im glad i did because if anything i gained experience and was able to grow on my own. i hate that i keep pushing him away and its actually working. i dont mean to, its just what im used to doing. i feel so cold and hollow and i can barely get out of bed. i put my faith into something and i always end up losing it. i think im destined to be alone because of me. i want to be happy and even when we were fighting i was still around him and it still made me happy. now theres nothing and it feels like the world is going to end. i hope we are both able to change and be truthful with each other. and i hope that i can not make decisions that will end up hurting things. i dont want to walk on eggshells anymore.