(no subject)
Last night I went over to Michael’s house after my bowling league. I helped him with his costume. He’s going to be a Greek God. The stuff he got will look good once it is all put together. He thinks that he’ll look like a dork, but I don’t think he will. I personally think he’ll look cute in it, but then again that’s just my opinion. I brought over my magic cards since he’s been itching to play me at it and he beat me badly all 4 games that we played. I was getting frustrated because I use to be so good at it, but I couldn’t do anything. My land just wasn’t coming out for me. In between the two though, he ended up asking me a couple questions. He asked me what it was I was looking for and what it was I was looking for from him. So I had to be very honest and I told him that at first I wasn’t really looking for much of anything because I had been so disillusioned, though deep down inside I knew it was a relationship that I wanted. He asked how serious and I told him I wanted a serious one, which is the truth. I was beginning to worry and I mentioned that and he told me the only reason why he asked is that he was scared, scared of being hurt and that he didn’t know how he’d be able to handle getting hurt again. I know exactly how he feels because that’s how I was for a long time. Afterwards, we just kissed and cuddled and went to bed, since he wanted me to spend the night. I woke up at 5:30, since he set his alarm for that time to wake me up and I left so he could go back to bed.
There was something else that he mentioned that also got me, I guess you can say, a little uncomfortable. He told me that his friend Johnny, who is an older guy, was coming from New York for a conference and wanted to see him. I had no problems with that at all. Michael told me, also, that he was going to try and see if Johnny wanted to go somewhere for dinner so this way I can have the opportunity to meet him. He then told me that Saturday night, he might be spending the night at Johnny’s hotel room. Once he said that, that’s when I began feeling uncomfortable. He then began explaining how he knew Johnny. That he met him through Bridgette and Sheena because they met him at a club and how he brought Johnny around looking at property when he was thinking about moving up here. I believe he was telling me all that to make me feel more comfortable about the situation, since I’m sure I was showing some uneasiness towards it. Though I do trust him, the idea of him spending the whole night at Johnny’s hotel room does make me feel uncomfortable. I know it shouldn’t but it just does. Just like Michael feeling uncomfortable about me talking to a lot of people online. It shouldn’t but it just does. I know that I should talk to him about it instead of holding it inside like I normally do, but I’m scared to bring it up. I don’t want to ruin anything, though I know that if I don’t say anything before next Saturday that it will end up doing some damage since I’ll be upset and he’ll eventually figure it out. I shouldn’t even say upset, because I’m not. Nervous is more like it. Like him, I’ve been hurt a lot and have some trust issues. The only way that I’ll get over this hurdle is by being honest with him and telling him how I feel. If he likes me as much as he says he does, then he’ll be willing to listen and not get upset with me for feeling that way. I didn’t get upset at him for saying it made him feel uncomfortable knowing that I talk to a lot of people. So why should this make him angry right? We’ll see tonight when I actually bring it up to him and go from there. He said that he wants me to be honest with everything that I’m feeling. So I guess this will be the start and hopefully I’ll be able to continue to be honest with him about my feelings, instead of hiding them like I normally do.
There was something else that he mentioned that also got me, I guess you can say, a little uncomfortable. He told me that his friend Johnny, who is an older guy, was coming from New York for a conference and wanted to see him. I had no problems with that at all. Michael told me, also, that he was going to try and see if Johnny wanted to go somewhere for dinner so this way I can have the opportunity to meet him. He then told me that Saturday night, he might be spending the night at Johnny’s hotel room. Once he said that, that’s when I began feeling uncomfortable. He then began explaining how he knew Johnny. That he met him through Bridgette and Sheena because they met him at a club and how he brought Johnny around looking at property when he was thinking about moving up here. I believe he was telling me all that to make me feel more comfortable about the situation, since I’m sure I was showing some uneasiness towards it. Though I do trust him, the idea of him spending the whole night at Johnny’s hotel room does make me feel uncomfortable. I know it shouldn’t but it just does. Just like Michael feeling uncomfortable about me talking to a lot of people online. It shouldn’t but it just does. I know that I should talk to him about it instead of holding it inside like I normally do, but I’m scared to bring it up. I don’t want to ruin anything, though I know that if I don’t say anything before next Saturday that it will end up doing some damage since I’ll be upset and he’ll eventually figure it out. I shouldn’t even say upset, because I’m not. Nervous is more like it. Like him, I’ve been hurt a lot and have some trust issues. The only way that I’ll get over this hurdle is by being honest with him and telling him how I feel. If he likes me as much as he says he does, then he’ll be willing to listen and not get upset with me for feeling that way. I didn’t get upset at him for saying it made him feel uncomfortable knowing that I talk to a lot of people. So why should this make him angry right? We’ll see tonight when I actually bring it up to him and go from there. He said that he wants me to be honest with everything that I’m feeling. So I guess this will be the start and hopefully I’ll be able to continue to be honest with him about my feelings, instead of hiding them like I normally do.