The Feline Brigade
Title: The Feline Brigade
Warnings: None
Summary: One-shot featuring the familiar furry faces of an alternate Enterprise - may be followed up with more.
Author's notes: Written to a (not at all kinky) prompt on the kink meme, and loosely similar to my piece "Of Cats and Doctors." I could find no equivalent of "cat" in the Vulcan dictionary, and so cobbled together pi'kei'i, meaning "little claw," which seems to fit.
He didn't understand that Jim was a danger - that was his downfall, just like everyone else that would try to harm the Enterprise. It would never have occurred to Zhalet that the golden shorthair currently rubbing his legs and purring up a veritable storm had any ulterior motive. There was plenty of time, and even saboteurs can spare a few seconds to pet such a beautiful creature; he really did have a weakness for cute animals, after all. The moment he bent over to stroke the insistent cat (who had progressed to standing with his front feet on Zhalet's knee and purring even louder), he was assailed by... something from above. There was just time to yell, to register that it was another cat, scrambling for purchase on his shoulders, and to wonder what the hell was going on before something knocked him out.
Jim, who had sprung out of the way of the flailing saboteur, ambled over and received a distinctly unhappy series of vocalizations from the gray tabby that had taken out Zhalet (which just may have translated as "Why do I always get the hard work, while you just have to stand there looking pretty?") Nonetheless, Len rubbed foreheads with the other before they departed the control room and moving on to the next target.
Shortly after them, a lean black creature, not entirely a cat in the Terran sense, trotted in, daintily avoiding the sprawled intruder on the floor, and jumped smoothly to the console where Zhalet had been working. The readjusting of environment settings does not require any complicated manipulation of controls, and posed no challenge to Spock's nimble paws.
From: Capt. Pike
To: XO Sulu
Request explanation of section four of most recent status report. Namely, "Three of the five intruders were found unconscious, accompanied by emptied hyposprays." Not stated which crewmember(s) were responsible, or their manner of obtaining Sickbay supplies.
From: XO Sulu
To: Capt. Pike
CMO M'Benga reported "Six miniaturized hyposprays, equipped with cylinders of a knockout drug, have been removed from a cabinet in Sickbay. Three are almost certainly those found near the saboteurs, but the location of the other three and the circumstances of their removal remains unknown." Also reported that he had analyzed the DNA on the recovered hypos, and found it to most closely match that of Len, the sickbay cat.
From: Capt. Pike
To: XO Sulu
The CAT? The guy isn't serious, is he? Next thing Uhura'll be reporting that hybrid pi'kei'i of hers was hacking the computers.
From: XO Sulu
To: Capt. Pike
Uh, sir. Read section 8.3 of my status report, please.
*long gap*
From: Capt. Pike
To: XO Sulu
"Several consoles had been tampered with by intruders, and were found already repaired when Maintenance arrived. Security logs from the consoles were reviewed, and show Lieutenant Uhura's authorization codes being entered while the lieutenant was undeniably on the bridge. The patterns of keystrokes do not match those of a human, supporting Uhura's conjecture that Spock, her cat, is responsible." It is my firm belief that everyone on this ship is insane. But if our cats are saving the ship, who am I to stop them?
I suppose I should keep an eye on Jim. No telling what he's been up to.