(no subject)
This past week was very busy and I ended up collapsing into a giant ball of stress at the end of it. My interview on Monday went really well. I also ended up getting an interview on Tuesday, so I took a personal day from work to do that. I did not get that job, as she was looking to make a decision last week, but that's OK. The job sounded good, but it would have meant a cut in pay, which isn't great. I also had a meeting with a recruiter scheduled for that day, but it got canceled because the position she was looking at me for got filled. My friend that was here on Monday decided to stay until Tuesday, since I was taking the personal day. She tagged along to the one interview and waited in the car. There was a pretty big time gap between that and the meeting with the recruiter, so we went and got ramen for lunch, which was fun. We also stopped at a Walmart for some random stuff. It was a Walmart with two stories, which was pretty weird. I've never seen one like that before. Then we navigated all the way to the recruiter's office before I checked my phone and realized that my second meeting had been cancelled.
On the bright side, I got a second interview with the place that I interviewed at on Monday. I did that Wednesday after work. I think that also went well. He said that I would hear something either by the end of this week, or sometime the week after next. I guess the guy that's making the decision is on vacation this coming week. I didn't hear anything else this week, so I'm just waiting on that. I'd like the job, to be honest, but I'm not sure if it's actually because of the work or because I want the experience in the healthcare accounting.
Then on Thursday I heard from another recruiter, and set up an interview for Friday after work. It was with a company that sells malpractice insurance. The caveat was that it would be a temp-to-hire position, and that's not really something I want, but the recruiter made it sound very risk-free and talked me into it. The lady that I interviewed with, however, was very honest that she wouldn't say it was risk-free at all. She also wanted me to start immediately upon giving two weeks, which would be terrible timing for me. It would have me leaving at the beginning of the month when the billing really needs to be done. The billing is the one thing that no one knows how to do other than me. So yeah. I tried to tell the recruiter that it wasn't going to work out because of those reasons, and she suggested that she try to negotiate it around to being a direct hire with a start date of May 9th. The idea of making demands like that, especially considering that I knew going in that about the temp-to-hire thing, makes me extremely anxious, but it's the only way I could take the job. So. That'll be a thing on Monday.
I was so stressed out by all of this that I just shut down on Friday, and my mood was not great yesterday. J was also sick. He saw employee health Friday and they told him not to come into work on Saturday. So, he was home yesterday. Normally that would be great, but I was kind of looking for a quiet weekend of lazing around, plus random assorted tasks when I got around to them. Instead, I woke up at 6:30, couldn't get back to sleep. And when J got up at 8, he immediately wanted to clean the entire apartment. Which. Always makes me grumpy. I guess I feel like it's criticism, to be honest. I put forth an honest effort during the week to try and keep some things clean, and I don't do a great job, but at least I try. J very rarely cleans anything during the week, even on his days off. So I get really frustrated by him wanting to clean everything, since I know he's not even going to try to keep it clean. (Scrubbing the stove, for example, when I know he's not going to wipe up anything he spills on it, really gets me going.) I think I just need to resign myself to the idea that I'm going to have to do a cleaning sweep either before I go to bed or right when I get up in the morning, to try and keep things tidier.
We also had a talk about my stress levels, which are very high. I felt pretty calm for most of the week, but then I freaked out Friday, which is frustrating. J said that I need to either start looking for a therapist and consider medication or counseling, or really work hard on finding coping methods. I know that exercise is a really good one, but it's hard for me to maintain. I was really exhausted all last week and I just couldn't bring myself to exercise, especially when three of the four interviews were after work, meaning I didn't get home until late. I'm going to try and do better this week. I really want to try to remember to bring my sneakers to work so that I can go on a walk during lunch. I think that would be a helpful. I also just can't let myself watch TV incessantly. I think I'd like to make a list of things to do, since I'm having trouble finding anything I want to do. Then I can just whip out my list when I'm feeling bereft.
I feel like seeing a counselor would be good for me, but also a big added stressor. I don't like talking about my feelings or my anxiety. I have only tried one medication before, but I didn't care for that either. And how does one even find a therapist? Setting up appointments and just trying things out seems to be the thing, and that's really hard for me. I think I'd rather put forth one more concentrated effort on figuring things out myself before I go that path. Especially if I'm switching jobs and not knowing if there will be a gap in insurance or anything like that.
On the bright side, I've done some fannish things this week. I finished up the Fruits Basket anime. I really wish that they had done the entire thing because now I really want to go and read the entire manga, which is a pretty big project. I did really enjoy the anime, and I'm glad that I finished it was able to take it off my mental list.
I'm a bit more than halfway through my Malazan book! I'm going to try and make a bit more progress today, maybe to 60%? It's going a lot better than the previous book. Lots more action and less sitting around and philosophizing about the hopelessness of things. Less rape too, which is very much appreciated. I'm excited to finish the series soon and be able to focus on other things.
I started reading the Planetes omnibus that J bought at the convention, and it's pretty awesome. The first chapter felt slow, but I got sucked in on the second chapter and ended up reading more than half of the entire thing. I'm hoping to finish it today if I can. The story is really fun, and I like the crazy antics that the characters get up to. Also, even though it's a bit older, I like the science in it. It feels pretty authentic. I think that the next volume of the omnibus comes out near J's birthday, so that's a definite gift for him.
On the bright side, I got a second interview with the place that I interviewed at on Monday. I did that Wednesday after work. I think that also went well. He said that I would hear something either by the end of this week, or sometime the week after next. I guess the guy that's making the decision is on vacation this coming week. I didn't hear anything else this week, so I'm just waiting on that. I'd like the job, to be honest, but I'm not sure if it's actually because of the work or because I want the experience in the healthcare accounting.
Then on Thursday I heard from another recruiter, and set up an interview for Friday after work. It was with a company that sells malpractice insurance. The caveat was that it would be a temp-to-hire position, and that's not really something I want, but the recruiter made it sound very risk-free and talked me into it. The lady that I interviewed with, however, was very honest that she wouldn't say it was risk-free at all. She also wanted me to start immediately upon giving two weeks, which would be terrible timing for me. It would have me leaving at the beginning of the month when the billing really needs to be done. The billing is the one thing that no one knows how to do other than me. So yeah. I tried to tell the recruiter that it wasn't going to work out because of those reasons, and she suggested that she try to negotiate it around to being a direct hire with a start date of May 9th. The idea of making demands like that, especially considering that I knew going in that about the temp-to-hire thing, makes me extremely anxious, but it's the only way I could take the job. So. That'll be a thing on Monday.
I was so stressed out by all of this that I just shut down on Friday, and my mood was not great yesterday. J was also sick. He saw employee health Friday and they told him not to come into work on Saturday. So, he was home yesterday. Normally that would be great, but I was kind of looking for a quiet weekend of lazing around, plus random assorted tasks when I got around to them. Instead, I woke up at 6:30, couldn't get back to sleep. And when J got up at 8, he immediately wanted to clean the entire apartment. Which. Always makes me grumpy. I guess I feel like it's criticism, to be honest. I put forth an honest effort during the week to try and keep some things clean, and I don't do a great job, but at least I try. J very rarely cleans anything during the week, even on his days off. So I get really frustrated by him wanting to clean everything, since I know he's not even going to try to keep it clean. (Scrubbing the stove, for example, when I know he's not going to wipe up anything he spills on it, really gets me going.) I think I just need to resign myself to the idea that I'm going to have to do a cleaning sweep either before I go to bed or right when I get up in the morning, to try and keep things tidier.
We also had a talk about my stress levels, which are very high. I felt pretty calm for most of the week, but then I freaked out Friday, which is frustrating. J said that I need to either start looking for a therapist and consider medication or counseling, or really work hard on finding coping methods. I know that exercise is a really good one, but it's hard for me to maintain. I was really exhausted all last week and I just couldn't bring myself to exercise, especially when three of the four interviews were after work, meaning I didn't get home until late. I'm going to try and do better this week. I really want to try to remember to bring my sneakers to work so that I can go on a walk during lunch. I think that would be a helpful. I also just can't let myself watch TV incessantly. I think I'd like to make a list of things to do, since I'm having trouble finding anything I want to do. Then I can just whip out my list when I'm feeling bereft.
I feel like seeing a counselor would be good for me, but also a big added stressor. I don't like talking about my feelings or my anxiety. I have only tried one medication before, but I didn't care for that either. And how does one even find a therapist? Setting up appointments and just trying things out seems to be the thing, and that's really hard for me. I think I'd rather put forth one more concentrated effort on figuring things out myself before I go that path. Especially if I'm switching jobs and not knowing if there will be a gap in insurance or anything like that.
On the bright side, I've done some fannish things this week. I finished up the Fruits Basket anime. I really wish that they had done the entire thing because now I really want to go and read the entire manga, which is a pretty big project. I did really enjoy the anime, and I'm glad that I finished it was able to take it off my mental list.
I'm a bit more than halfway through my Malazan book! I'm going to try and make a bit more progress today, maybe to 60%? It's going a lot better than the previous book. Lots more action and less sitting around and philosophizing about the hopelessness of things. Less rape too, which is very much appreciated. I'm excited to finish the series soon and be able to focus on other things.
I started reading the Planetes omnibus that J bought at the convention, and it's pretty awesome. The first chapter felt slow, but I got sucked in on the second chapter and ended up reading more than half of the entire thing. I'm hoping to finish it today if I can. The story is really fun, and I like the crazy antics that the characters get up to. Also, even though it's a bit older, I like the science in it. It feels pretty authentic. I think that the next volume of the omnibus comes out near J's birthday, so that's a definite gift for him.