how did it end up like this? it was only a kiss.
so here i am, about hop into bed, but i have some exciting news! i am now the proud owner of 2002 honda civic LX. go me. its all mine. my mom co-signed on my loan, and now its mine. yessahh!!!! al l ihave to do now i get a full time job for the summer to keep up with my payments. how sweet is that? i drove it around for most of the evening just thinking and stuff. i really love it. its a fun car.
so idk about the whole sean thing ( i bet some of you are smiling while you read this. if its you, fuck off.). its getting so hard, especially with me leaving in august. idk whats going to happen. i read this in ashley's profile today and it made me think of sean and i A LOT. its so fitting.
if you don't know, honey why'd you just say so?
'cuz i need this now more than i ever did
if you don't know honey, then you don't
i left you waiting
at the least could we be friends?
should have never started
ain't that the way it always ends?
on my life i'll try today
there's so much i've felt i should say but
even if your heart would listen i doubt i could explain.
so fitting, and so true. ugh. idk. i dont even wanna think about that right now.
time for bed.
P.S. this is for YOU and YOU. If you don't like what I write in my journal, don't read it. its my journal and i'll write what i please and about whomever i choose. if this bothers you, feel free to omit this site from your web-browsing. if it makes you jealous or angry or upset, here's a clue, don't read it. instead of taking it and misconstruing what i say, just dont read it at all, since you are only using it to feed your lies and your drama.
alycia, heather, colette, sarah, rachel, kayla: i love you guys more than anything and more than i take time to show. thank you for being true friends and for always having my back when i need it. thank you for catching me every time i fall and being there for every laugh, every sob, every happiness and every sadness. my love for you is neverending and i'll forever hold our friendships in my heart. you are my better halves and i couldn't be me without you. you make me who i am and complete me better than anyone else. you are the song in my heart and the light in my life. i want you all to know that i will always be here for you, and my loyalty will never fade. friends like you are once in a lifetime and i'm so glad i have had you guys by my side since day one (or since we were four;)). always know that even when i leave, i will always find a way to get to you when you need me and be there when i need to be. nothing have ever mattered more to me than you guys. tears fill my eyes as i write this and the bittersweet day in august seems to come all too soon. i love you guys. for now, forever and for always, with my whole heart, my whole soul, and everything that is good inside of me. thank you, for everything.
sean: no matter what i tell you or how i try to show it, it never seems to be enough. i feel like you will never believe me and that my feelings for you will never seem real to you, even though you know they are. i could never find the words to explain the depth of feelings for you. the depth of my loyalty to you is immeasureable. my respect for you is unconditional and neverending. thank you for being the smile on my face in the morning and the dream that gets me through the night. your laughter brightens my day and your smile warms my heart. to see your face light up the way it does when you laugh or smile or when i tickle you when you tell me not to, lets me know that this is all worth it. sometimes it doesnt seem fair, then i look at our pictures, or hear your sweet voice and everything is perfect again. i want you to know that no matter what, i will always be here for you. and always know that i would find a way to get to where you are. there's no place that far. you will always be one of the joys in my life. i hope that never changes. every night when i thank God for all my blessings, i remember to thank him the most for you.
so idk about the whole sean thing ( i bet some of you are smiling while you read this. if its you, fuck off.). its getting so hard, especially with me leaving in august. idk whats going to happen. i read this in ashley's profile today and it made me think of sean and i A LOT. its so fitting.
if you don't know, honey why'd you just say so?
'cuz i need this now more than i ever did
if you don't know honey, then you don't
i left you waiting
at the least could we be friends?
should have never started
ain't that the way it always ends?
on my life i'll try today
there's so much i've felt i should say but
even if your heart would listen i doubt i could explain.
so fitting, and so true. ugh. idk. i dont even wanna think about that right now.
time for bed.
P.S. this is for YOU and YOU. If you don't like what I write in my journal, don't read it. its my journal and i'll write what i please and about whomever i choose. if this bothers you, feel free to omit this site from your web-browsing. if it makes you jealous or angry or upset, here's a clue, don't read it. instead of taking it and misconstruing what i say, just dont read it at all, since you are only using it to feed your lies and your drama.
alycia, heather, colette, sarah, rachel, kayla: i love you guys more than anything and more than i take time to show. thank you for being true friends and for always having my back when i need it. thank you for catching me every time i fall and being there for every laugh, every sob, every happiness and every sadness. my love for you is neverending and i'll forever hold our friendships in my heart. you are my better halves and i couldn't be me without you. you make me who i am and complete me better than anyone else. you are the song in my heart and the light in my life. i want you all to know that i will always be here for you, and my loyalty will never fade. friends like you are once in a lifetime and i'm so glad i have had you guys by my side since day one (or since we were four;)). always know that even when i leave, i will always find a way to get to you when you need me and be there when i need to be. nothing have ever mattered more to me than you guys. tears fill my eyes as i write this and the bittersweet day in august seems to come all too soon. i love you guys. for now, forever and for always, with my whole heart, my whole soul, and everything that is good inside of me. thank you, for everything.
sean: no matter what i tell you or how i try to show it, it never seems to be enough. i feel like you will never believe me and that my feelings for you will never seem real to you, even though you know they are. i could never find the words to explain the depth of feelings for you. the depth of my loyalty to you is immeasureable. my respect for you is unconditional and neverending. thank you for being the smile on my face in the morning and the dream that gets me through the night. your laughter brightens my day and your smile warms my heart. to see your face light up the way it does when you laugh or smile or when i tickle you when you tell me not to, lets me know that this is all worth it. sometimes it doesnt seem fair, then i look at our pictures, or hear your sweet voice and everything is perfect again. i want you to know that no matter what, i will always be here for you. and always know that i would find a way to get to where you are. there's no place that far. you will always be one of the joys in my life. i hope that never changes. every night when i thank God for all my blessings, i remember to thank him the most for you.