When crazy strikes...
When I am depressed I have to brutalize my body so that I can stop brutalizing my mind. The negative way to do this is to curl up on the couch with a pint of B&Js, but I have worked so hard to get where I am I am going to try to avoid that terrible backslide. I wanted to try to go to Pilates class in the morning but there was drama with the small person and with the housemates car blocking mine.
So Saturday evening, after Van's father picked him up and the walls started to push down on my soul, I decided that I would go for a walk in the canyon until it got dark and then walk home through the city. I synced my ipod with the new alt tango I have been downloading ever since Wednesday happened, took my phone and went. I didn't even take any money.
I walked through the canyon as promised, then up to balboa park and as I walked through all the happy people holding hands and talking and just not being alone I realized I wasn't ready to go home and ping about the house all by myself. So I turned to downtown and just started to walk. It was dark by now, but I know the streets where I feel safe to walk, where there are more people holding hands and going to restaurants. I walked to the waterfront, and then turned and walked along the boardwalk (yep, even more people holding hands, and cinderella carriages, sigh).
After about 2 hours of walking I finally realized that I would have to turn towards home or I was going to have to call someone and get them to pick me up. I hit some more deserted streets after I left the gaslamp, but I couldn't think of a good way to get from the restaurant district to the reasonably safe family area where I live. I had one nerve wracking moment when someone pulled a car up next to me as I walked by the deserted end of Balboa Park (where I suspect drug deals happen) but I just kept moving and nothing happened.
I got back to the house 3 hours after I had left and charted out my route G maps Pedometer (great toy that). I was actually expecting it to be more than that (I cannot believe that I didn't go farther than that - I might have missed a loop in downtown) I usually walk closer to 4 mph (6-7 kph) WITH my stroller and I kept moving most of the time so I wouldn't be a target.
I thought that my feet would hurt when I got up since I had on my canyon shoes (my retired running shoes) but I didn't. Since I still didn't feel as much physical pain as my psychic pain (and my four year old wasn't back) I decided to go jogging in the canyon. ipod, better shoes and no phone and I was ready to try jogging again after a 7 year break. I work out a lot, but I have tried to keep to the low impact stuff since I have been SO heavy. But now that I've lost a lot of weight, and have probably the best balanced muscle development I have ever had, I decided to risk it.
Jogging felt pretty good. I was surprised. But I am excellent cardio shape and my quads and calves are really strong from a combination of dancing, elliptical trainers, and step gauntlet machines. In fact it felt too good... Taking it easy has never been my strong suit. I ended up going about 3.3 miles of canyon up and downs. And I could feel the weakness already in my quads...
G maps Jog
So the rest of the day I took pretty easy. I invited my housemate to join me in entertaining our puppies at the beach and I used her to help deal with the psychic pain. (her quote "You can tell him he's an idiot...") And after a couple of hours at the beach, I didn't feel too guilty when my puppy demanded a shake and my housemate determined that we needed to go to In-n-Out. The puppy and I split a burger and fries (and he takes a MUCH bigger share than he used to) but I decided that I deserved my own shake...
Then I got the unexpected bonus of getting to go to the Alternative milonga. My legs were a little weak, but the pain hadn't set in yet so I danced pretty well. Actually I felt great and was dancing awesomely for the first half of the night. It was alternative and I was wearing pants so I could be really silly and things were really working in a creative and musical way. I had a lot of fun. And good cake...
So today the pain set in. My ankles and quads are the worst. I did my pilates class and I could do most of it but man oh man I am achy. I have tango practice tonight and THEN I am going out to annoy my nemisis and dance with my ex (and other people). I wouldn't go at all, but I have to make sure that some DJ is there because I didn't get a confirmation. I am hoping that, like other nights, the tango muscle memory is good enough to overcome the pain of my punishment. The tango muscles are the most used ones in my body right now, so they do a pretty good job of taking over when everything else hurts like hell. I know I can do close embrace, but I want to do some flash open embrace to annoy my nemesis. We'll see how the quads hold up...
I think I will probably skip tomorrow night and work on my solo practice instead. I need to work up my class format for "Tang-ilates" which I think I want to start next week before the milonga. I have to stop thinking about what might have been and get back to the goal oriented state I was in a couple of months ago. I am awesome and I can do this if I just stop second guessing myself...
On a lighter note my "Half a Six pack" went up to "Two Thirds of a Six Pack". I can now see 4 of my abs (and some rocking obliques - thank you ochos). They are kind of funny abs, they are a little crooked and uneven (thats what stretching them to accomodate a 10 pound baby will do), but I am happy to have whatever I can get because I NEVER thought I would see my abs again.
So Saturday evening, after Van's father picked him up and the walls started to push down on my soul, I decided that I would go for a walk in the canyon until it got dark and then walk home through the city. I synced my ipod with the new alt tango I have been downloading ever since Wednesday happened, took my phone and went. I didn't even take any money.
I walked through the canyon as promised, then up to balboa park and as I walked through all the happy people holding hands and talking and just not being alone I realized I wasn't ready to go home and ping about the house all by myself. So I turned to downtown and just started to walk. It was dark by now, but I know the streets where I feel safe to walk, where there are more people holding hands and going to restaurants. I walked to the waterfront, and then turned and walked along the boardwalk (yep, even more people holding hands, and cinderella carriages, sigh).
After about 2 hours of walking I finally realized that I would have to turn towards home or I was going to have to call someone and get them to pick me up. I hit some more deserted streets after I left the gaslamp, but I couldn't think of a good way to get from the restaurant district to the reasonably safe family area where I live. I had one nerve wracking moment when someone pulled a car up next to me as I walked by the deserted end of Balboa Park (where I suspect drug deals happen) but I just kept moving and nothing happened.
I got back to the house 3 hours after I had left and charted out my route G maps Pedometer (great toy that). I was actually expecting it to be more than that (I cannot believe that I didn't go farther than that - I might have missed a loop in downtown) I usually walk closer to 4 mph (6-7 kph) WITH my stroller and I kept moving most of the time so I wouldn't be a target.
I thought that my feet would hurt when I got up since I had on my canyon shoes (my retired running shoes) but I didn't. Since I still didn't feel as much physical pain as my psychic pain (and my four year old wasn't back) I decided to go jogging in the canyon. ipod, better shoes and no phone and I was ready to try jogging again after a 7 year break. I work out a lot, but I have tried to keep to the low impact stuff since I have been SO heavy. But now that I've lost a lot of weight, and have probably the best balanced muscle development I have ever had, I decided to risk it.
Jogging felt pretty good. I was surprised. But I am excellent cardio shape and my quads and calves are really strong from a combination of dancing, elliptical trainers, and step gauntlet machines. In fact it felt too good... Taking it easy has never been my strong suit. I ended up going about 3.3 miles of canyon up and downs. And I could feel the weakness already in my quads...
G maps Jog
So the rest of the day I took pretty easy. I invited my housemate to join me in entertaining our puppies at the beach and I used her to help deal with the psychic pain. (her quote "You can tell him he's an idiot...") And after a couple of hours at the beach, I didn't feel too guilty when my puppy demanded a shake and my housemate determined that we needed to go to In-n-Out. The puppy and I split a burger and fries (and he takes a MUCH bigger share than he used to) but I decided that I deserved my own shake...
Then I got the unexpected bonus of getting to go to the Alternative milonga. My legs were a little weak, but the pain hadn't set in yet so I danced pretty well. Actually I felt great and was dancing awesomely for the first half of the night. It was alternative and I was wearing pants so I could be really silly and things were really working in a creative and musical way. I had a lot of fun. And good cake...
So today the pain set in. My ankles and quads are the worst. I did my pilates class and I could do most of it but man oh man I am achy. I have tango practice tonight and THEN I am going out to annoy my nemisis and dance with my ex (and other people). I wouldn't go at all, but I have to make sure that some DJ is there because I didn't get a confirmation. I am hoping that, like other nights, the tango muscle memory is good enough to overcome the pain of my punishment. The tango muscles are the most used ones in my body right now, so they do a pretty good job of taking over when everything else hurts like hell. I know I can do close embrace, but I want to do some flash open embrace to annoy my nemesis. We'll see how the quads hold up...
I think I will probably skip tomorrow night and work on my solo practice instead. I need to work up my class format for "Tang-ilates" which I think I want to start next week before the milonga. I have to stop thinking about what might have been and get back to the goal oriented state I was in a couple of months ago. I am awesome and I can do this if I just stop second guessing myself...
On a lighter note my "Half a Six pack" went up to "Two Thirds of a Six Pack". I can now see 4 of my abs (and some rocking obliques - thank you ochos). They are kind of funny abs, they are a little crooked and uneven (thats what stretching them to accomodate a 10 pound baby will do), but I am happy to have whatever I can get because I NEVER thought I would see my abs again.