Developing conversations
Title: Developing Conversations
Author: xoxo_nat_xx
Pairing: Haehyuk
Ratings: PG-13
Warnings: Dub-con
Summary: Anything can happen during college, and two minds belonging to two entirely different people starts to twine around each other, forming a completion at the end.
( College starts off pretty well )
Author: xoxo_nat_xx
Pairing: Haehyuk
Ratings: PG-13
Warnings: Dub-con
Summary: Anything can happen during college, and two minds belonging to two entirely different people starts to twine around each other, forming a completion at the end.
( College starts off pretty well )
(He doesn’t think he’s jealous. Not in the least. Not a bit. Nope.)
His conscious remarks smugly to him, hey do you remember, he dumped you because you weren’t all that caring as he thought you were in the first place, and Donghae thinks his heart got stung by the statement. There is this bitter laugh that goes on in the background, but Donghae pushes it aside, because he is trying to forget, and damn it his mind isn’t helping.
So he tries to rebuild his life without getting affected by his past, and he thinks he can start by treating his own very dorm mate a little nicer, so that perhaps it will help relieve him of his past.
Like the time Eunhyuk wakes up to find breakfast on his desk, the scrambled eggs still slightly smoking, and the pancakes coated in strawberry syrup, and Eunhyuk isn’t sure if it’s a coincidence that his favourite brand of strawberry milk was situated right next to it. Or the time when the course Eunhyuk is taking has a sudden examination round the corner, and Eunhyuk finds the pot of coffee always freshly brewed, and Donghae pops his head more frequently into the room just to ask if there’s anything he needs. (And Donghae abstains from bringing anyone back to his room for that whole week.)
Or the time when Eunhyuk isn’t expecting anyone to remember his birthday, because he never told anyone the exact date before. But miraculously, he wakes up one day to find Donghae swirling around in his chair, holding up a mug decorated with monkeys clutching mikes and he’s positively sure Donghae thinks that the monkeys are rapping or something. He finds a birthday card tucked under his pillow when he goes to sleep that day, after a wild celebration Donghae has brought him on (or tame, according to Donghae’s standards), and it makes him feel a little happier, although he isn’t sure why.
Eunhyuk is often caught off-guard as to how he will be treated by Donghae in the next minute, cold and professional, then warmth and joy and the close proximity makes Eunhyuk wonders if Donghae really exists.
Eunhyuk is really touched one day when Donghae skips his weekly trip to the nightclub just to accompany him during work. He had mentioned earlier on that work was getting a little boring, and there was no one to talk to, but he certainly wasn’t expecting Donghae to surprise him with such a meeting, and bringing two bottles of milkshakes, and they chat about everything under the sky. It doesn’t end when Eunhyuk’s shift finishes, it continues back in their dorm, and Eunhyuk thinks Donghae has probably done the sweetest thing he has ever experienced.
Not that the other really knows.
Eunhyuk continuously tells the other not to be that nice, but his words seem to fall on deaf ears, and Eunhyuk doesn’t really mind, until one day he thinks he can’t really look Donghae straight in the eyes anymore.
(Donghae secretly believes that Eunhyuk will be able to get a few girls himself if he tries. If he just tries.)
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The night is over in a blur, Donghae isn’t sure what exactly happened, but he finds himself in bed with another girl again. Not like it’s anything different from the usual, but some subconscious part of his mind reminds him that there’s Eunhyuk in this situation, and Donghae jerks out of bed upright, wondering where he left his dorm mate at. He checks his cell phone, and he realizes that the guy from the room next door (Sungmin is his name, Donghae thinks) messaged him to tell him that Eunhyuk is bunking in with him. And he doesn’t forget to leave out how pissed Eunhyuk looked when he threw his headphones onto the ground and stormed into his room way past midnight.
It doesn’t help that Eunhyuk enters their dorm right when the girl is about to leave. It’s awkward and all, and Donghae only gets a slam in response when he manages an uncomfortable smile at his dorm mate.
Okay, so maybe he really fails at making friends. Best friends especially. He crosses out the subtle tactics; perhaps he should tell Eunhyuk that he really wants to be friends. And he falters slightly as he remembers how he used to be, just friends, too, with the other guy from his past.
Eunhyuk wants to say that he is sorry; he wants to apologise, but he doesn’t know how to do this without revealing his infatuation on the other guy, and he’s pretty sure it will pass, like all crushes do.
Eunhyuk knows Donghae is watching, and he cancels the word ‘Best’, leaving it as just ‘Friends’. He pretends not to see Donghae bewildered and slightly taken aback, because he doesn’t want Donghae to question, and he doesn’t want to explain.
It feels better to fall in love with a friend, instead of your very best friend, because the risks taken are lower, and Eunhyuk is willing to risk a friendship for a relationship, but he isn’t sure if it comes to something like best friends.
Sorry, Donghae thinks dryly, as the girl starts to tear up and points dramatically to the two of them, and Donghae just smiles. Didn’t you know that I’m already in a relationship with this guy here?, Donghae smirks, and he walks away from this whole scene, pulling the other guy with him into the elevator to their rooms.
Donghae pushes the button to their floor, and he heaves a sigh of relief right at the door. He admits he feels Eunhyuk staring right at his back, but he pretends he doesn’t. Eunhyuk will not mind this much, some subconscious part of his brain informs him, and Donghae relaxes, turning around to greet the other cheerfully and all when the elevator doors open at their level.
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He hates how Donghae uses him to ‘break up’ with those girls; he abhors it, but he never found the way to express his hatred and disappointment to the other. He wonders why he is being so weak, only to realize that this is fuelling his fantasies on even more, because in his world Donghae is his, and they are just this couple who are in love. That’s all, simple and sweet.
He shoves the pizza in Donghae’s hands away, and the both of them look at the slice of pizza falling to the ground with a soft thud. For once, the anger dominates in Eunhyuk, because no one has really kissed him like that, used him like that until he feels like he’s no longer in control; he’s a pawn on Donghae’s chessboard and he hates it so much he feels like breaking his own heart instead.
Eunhyuk doesn’t really know what he is doing, but he picks up the whole pizza box with half of it still intact inside, and he slams it so hard against the wall opposite, and both of them watches as the pizza slides downwards, making a sick squelching sound as it proceeds to the bottom. Eunhyuk takes it all in, the stains on the walls, the way down, and he’s staring so hard there are tears in his eyes, but he doesn’t want to rub them off in front of this guy here, so he walks to his room and slams the door hard.
Yeah fuck, that’s right, Eunhyuk thinks. Lucky to be in love with his best friend is the best thing that has ever happened to his life, his thoughts dripping with sarcasm, and he pulls his pillow over his head to block out the spinning lights in his eyes.
He doesn’t know what that kiss represents, because he just did it without further thinking. He needs to just rub that stain away; that’s all, but something compelled him to go further.
He ends up at a bar, drinking, but there’s something different; his past doesn’t take centre stage for once, his present does. He tries to push his thoughts away, and he finds himself mixing up the past and the present. He’s craving, he’s craving for a certain person’s touch, his words, the way he breathes quietly when it’s only the two of them, and now the way he smiles that gummy smile whenever Donghae does something sweet, the way his dorm mate takes care of him whenever he needs it and it’s so overpowering that Donghae can’t erase them with just dancing and grooving up close with some random girl.
He doesn’t really know he made it back home, but he does remember he’s knocking hard on his door, waiting, perhaps with a little bit of wishing, that Eunhyuk will come open the door for him, because he’s so frustrated that the guy in his past left him just like that, but now he’s craving for another guy’s touch.
He wonders if he has been missing out on something; he wonders if he is lacking some observation skills.
He wonders what is happening to him, because the past is slowly letting him go, and he doesn’t know to go forward, because he’s afraid.
Damn it, he’s angry. But he’s too confused to be angry.
Damn it Donghae, damn you, Eunhyuk thinks, who gave you the permission to come into my life and mess up my perfect life just like that? The sobs start escaping, and Eunhyuk finds a bench on the side of the road to stop, to pant, and to curl up and tuck his face into his knees so he can hide from this screwed up world and the person named Lee Donghae.
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Sungmin makes his way uncomfortably to the couch, placing the cup on the table as he mumbles a little incoherently that Eunhyuk is used to sleeping at his room that he has brought certain personal belongings over, and Sungmin thinks that perhaps it is time to stop all this. He glances at Donghae, but Donghae is expressionless, and an inexplicable surge of anger rises in Sungmin. He raises his fist to strike Donghae, but the way Donghae just looks at him deadpan makes him want to comfort the guy, and he thinks, what a screwed life both Donghae and Eunhyuk are leading.
Sungmin’s breathe hitches as he listens to what Donghae has done last night. He listens until he feels like a piece of his heart is breaking off, but he continues to listen, until Donghae runs out of steam and looks at him desperately for advice.
There’s a silence that hangs in the room, and Eunhyuk thinks that it is possible that he has stopped breathing for a while. He waits, and Donghae turns this slightly that now the latter is facing him, and Eunhyuk doesn’t really know if he should walk to his room, or stay rooted to the ground there.
Wrong, Donghae thinks, and he stares into those eyes in front of him, and it makes him ache that he made someone like Eunhyuk undergo something like this.
No wonder Eunhyuk bought headphones to block out the noises, not that he couldn’t stand the noise, but he couldn’t stand how his heart was breaking when Donghae is doing some girl outside his room. No wonder Eunhyuk tells him not to be so nice, because he’s just leading the other on, and he doesn’t realize this until, and only until he starts feeling something else other than friendship for the guy in his arms. No wonder Eunhyuk got so angry when he’s being used, because Donghae thinks he is such a fool, and no wonder Eunhyuk didn’t resist last night, because Eunhyuk knows what Donghae needs.
“I don’t know when it started, but it did, and I want someone like you.” Donghae states, and his breath rushes by the side of Eunhyuk’s face. He leans forward to press another kiss to Eunhyuk’s quivering lips, and he closes his eyes, sighing as Eunhyuk raises his hands to settle them on his cheeks.
This should have come way earlier before last night, Donghae thinks, and he holds the man in front of him a little tighter.
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We can try this, Donghae says quietly, and Eunhyuk shakes his head.
I want this, he states, and Donghae looks down at him, and both of them break into small smiles.
It isn’t exactly the perfect college life Eunhyuk wanted to lead.
He’s staring up at the ceiling and thinking about his thesis for his final year graduation exams. It has been rocky, and it feels like something is missing from the thesis, but he doesn’t really know what it is.
There’s a small knock on his door, and Eunhyuk lifts his head hesitantly, to spot Donghae smiling widely from the door. He waves the latter in, and Donghae crawls in right beside him, lifting the blanket lightly to lay it properly over the both of them. They end up staring at each other instead, and Eunhyuk marvels at how Donghae has changed over the span of three years, and the fact that they are still together, for some reason.
He smiles as Donghae lifts a palm to caress his cheeks, and he leans into the touch, closing his eyes. There’s some shuffling, and Eunhyuk smiles when Donghae presses a light kiss onto his nose, and he likes the way how Donghae rearranges himself until both of them are tangled, and he is unable to wake up and walk off properly without waking the other too. He never told Donghae about this, but something tells him that Donghae knows how he is feeling, which results in Donghae sneaking into his room every now and then.
It isn’t the perfect college life Donghae wanted, as well, Eunhyuk knows, but as he opens his eyes to stare right into the other’s, feeling the smooth rhythm of Donghae’s heartbeat under his hand, he thinks perhaps it has worked out somehow, that two imperfect lives come together to form a perfect completion.
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OMG. I SO SO LOVE THIS. If this is fail, what do you call writer!hyuk? i'mlosinghopeonthatone I'm memming. ^^ ♥
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Thank you omg, thank you so much! I love how you quote. At first I thought you quoted the whole thing, then I burst out laughing during my teaching in the tuition centre halfway, and my students thought I went crazy lol.
Write that writer!hyuk :D
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YES. I'm making your drama the sequel. 8DDDDDDDDDDDDD
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LOL. I would have quoted it all, lol. BUT LJ WONT LET ME. DX
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BUT IT IS PRETTY. I think I memmed it. ♥
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