(no subject)
November 18 2004
Michelle C. in art today was all I heard something about you...
I'm like..hrm..from who?!
She's all..well I don't know exactly
I'm like..what do you mean!? lol
She's all..well Lim told me..but I dunno who told him
and I was like..yeah..prolly Mike and them..
And shes all..yeah. but what he told me just makes me sad..makes me wanna give you a hug
and like she was suppose to tell me what she heard..at the soccer game..but..yeah. I think it's about my SI. I can't think of anything else that would make someone want to hug me...?
I dunno.
Whatever.
November 8 2004
Hrmmm..What else..hm de do
Josh like HATES me now. He basically called me a Cold hearted lesbian bitch that is full of bullshit. Woot! Go me..SCORE! haha. Sorry I'm not good enough anymore for you either!
::sigh::
November 7 2004
Josh kept calling me "friend" all day..lol. He still has hope though (obviously) cause before he left with brandon to skate the spots, he was all..so like..that friend things..is that forever? or can we ever become more..and I just shrugged and he goes.."its chilly out here isn't it?"
November 5 2004
I hate this feeling. This feeling of neutrality. I don't feel anything..but numbness. I don't feel sad or happy or anger or pain. I'm just here. And this "feeling" is the worst. Things are getting so messed up for me..and it's not even funny. People don't see it. But it's there. I hate it. I want it to stop..but it won't.
::sigh::
Living takes too much energy..I wish I could just give up. Take the easy way out. End this life now.
November 3 2004
We went to the bus stop and just talked and what not. He was all so do you like me? and im just like..god, it's SO COLD! lol.
he walked me home and yeeaah...
I don't want to go out with him...I really don't want a boyfriend..at all. I don't understand why we can't just be close close friends..??
I don't know..I think I might like Josh..a little. He makes me laugh, a lot..but EVERYONE (well mostly everyone) does...I don't know.
November 1 2004
I highly doubt I'd ever actually try anything,
but the thoughts still linger...And I think
they still linger because..death seems so
beautiful to me. So, exciting.
Something to be HAPPY about. It's hard to
explain..but I just love the thought of death.
Not really anyone else's death because
that just saddens me, but of MY death.
<3
April
"And I won't stop,
Till my last words have been swallowed,
And my last drop of blood has fallen..."
March 1 2005
It's silly to hurt yourself..very silly..but silly things are entertaining
May 14 2005
Deon: when are you gonna update your LJ?
Me: i did
Me: twice today
Deon: ha but yours barely says anything lol..like you talk..and it doesn't make sense to people whos reading it..but it makes sense to you...haha i laugh..i bet i wouldn't if i knew what you were talkin bout tho
Me: yeah, i know it doesn't make sense
Deon: ha yeah
Me: i don't want it to
Me: the truth hurts
Me: it is just easier beating around the bush with things
Deon: ha but it hurts ya in the long run
Me: maybe..i like to hurt
Deon: that is the most...weirdest thing i have ever heard
Me: i suppose
Deon: it is...listen to it...."maybe i like to hurt"
today was kind of nice.
i didn't go to school.
had a dentist apt. in yorktown.
and then hung out with angie<3
then eye doctors.
tomorrow i have school,
what a bummer.
i have been crying a lot lately.
its a weird change.
one that i don't like very much.
<3