Wow..Life...
Hello my little forgotten friend.
I have been using my blog lately, instead of this journal.
I figured..with the way i feel, it was time to use this thing again. At least right now.
I feel sick. Cody and I have broken up again. We were going good for a while, for another year on top of the few years before that... we had trouble two summers ago, but it seemed like it was getting better. However, lately.. I've been realizing we're just not the same people anymore.
I am not the same girl.
I've grown up. And not in the usual sense. I've become stronger, and more individual in my choices. I have become an adventurer, and Cody has become an academic. He reads books, i go to Wrestling training. We never see one another. I dont feel like i'm in a relationship with him at all. Occasionally, but rarely we have sex. We dont go on dates. Ever. Ever. the first time i got to dress up was on my birthday, which he didnt come out to celebrate with us. I dont feel pretty anymore. I'm working really hard on improving my physical fitness, and he doesnt comment. I feel like we're friends who love each other, because we still do... but its not romantic anymore. There's no sacraficing for one another, no compromising. He doesnt come out with me and my friends, he stays home and works. He doesnt do anything with me, he works. I dont blame him, i know working is important for him... He wants to achieve a lot. He's a very intelligent person... But our lives together dont work. He resents me a lot of the time, for the things that i do. The chances i take, the fun i have in taking them even if they blow up in my face. He wants to take chances to, but he never does. He believes he must be good at one thing, instead of having fun at a lot of things. I cant do it.
I feel isolated.
I want to go out. I want to feel like a girl. I want to feel like a woman. I want to -feel- again.
I have been using my blog lately, instead of this journal.
I figured..with the way i feel, it was time to use this thing again. At least right now.
I feel sick. Cody and I have broken up again. We were going good for a while, for another year on top of the few years before that... we had trouble two summers ago, but it seemed like it was getting better. However, lately.. I've been realizing we're just not the same people anymore.
I am not the same girl.
I've grown up. And not in the usual sense. I've become stronger, and more individual in my choices. I have become an adventurer, and Cody has become an academic. He reads books, i go to Wrestling training. We never see one another. I dont feel like i'm in a relationship with him at all. Occasionally, but rarely we have sex. We dont go on dates. Ever. Ever. the first time i got to dress up was on my birthday, which he didnt come out to celebrate with us. I dont feel pretty anymore. I'm working really hard on improving my physical fitness, and he doesnt comment. I feel like we're friends who love each other, because we still do... but its not romantic anymore. There's no sacraficing for one another, no compromising. He doesnt come out with me and my friends, he stays home and works. He doesnt do anything with me, he works. I dont blame him, i know working is important for him... He wants to achieve a lot. He's a very intelligent person... But our lives together dont work. He resents me a lot of the time, for the things that i do. The chances i take, the fun i have in taking them even if they blow up in my face. He wants to take chances to, but he never does. He believes he must be good at one thing, instead of having fun at a lot of things. I cant do it.
I feel isolated.
I want to go out. I want to feel like a girl. I want to feel like a woman. I want to -feel- again.