Ahem Ahem...
*Coughs* Welcome to my little exestenial crisis...fuck it if its not spelled right, i am tired and have no english kills anyways.
Cody and i broke up, life has its up and downs and shit and i know all this...but he's really upset and tweaking out, i always thought i was more in love with him than he was with me but it doesn't appear that way anymore. He's e-mailing me and wants to get back together, being very apologetic and wants to talk. He seems genuinely interested in working out the problems we had...Half of me says yes, half of me says no. All of me wishes that i were hit by a bus so i didnt have to make anymore descisions.
And then theres Rp...Tont'ys Rp for instance. Where, Starsha has begun her first steps down the path of darkness. Yes...darkness...Starsha, Starsha darkness.... i don't know if those two words belong in the same sentance. Seriously, looking over everything, everything she's gone through...losing her lovers, husband, all her friends, Hunter, her entire world basically.. i can completely see and half of me accepts her walking the path of darkness...It would be cool, new, exciting..but then, half of me says no. She's my herione, my true, life long herione, who would die before going over to the darkside. Thats how i've always pictured her, but she just took a life of an innocent man...and when i Rp i feel my characters, i dont think i know anyone else who FEELS their characters this much...and i feel like i've killed an innocent man, i feel her guilt, her shame, all that stupid jazz. So here comes the question...can i do it? Can i force myself to walk that path? I know she can't, truely, without reasoning everythin she does... i know she's true to herself even in the most desperate, most painful times...but all people slip a little...BAH! I feel to much, i sit there and i stew and i feel everything my character feels...and i have all sorts of plots in my head and i dont know if any of them will work out the way i want them to, or come crashing in on me...please excuse this rant that probably is not very cohereant at all. I love you all.
Cody and i broke up, life has its up and downs and shit and i know all this...but he's really upset and tweaking out, i always thought i was more in love with him than he was with me but it doesn't appear that way anymore. He's e-mailing me and wants to get back together, being very apologetic and wants to talk. He seems genuinely interested in working out the problems we had...Half of me says yes, half of me says no. All of me wishes that i were hit by a bus so i didnt have to make anymore descisions.
And then theres Rp...Tont'ys Rp for instance. Where, Starsha has begun her first steps down the path of darkness. Yes...darkness...Starsha, Starsha darkness.... i don't know if those two words belong in the same sentance. Seriously, looking over everything, everything she's gone through...losing her lovers, husband, all her friends, Hunter, her entire world basically.. i can completely see and half of me accepts her walking the path of darkness...It would be cool, new, exciting..but then, half of me says no. She's my herione, my true, life long herione, who would die before going over to the darkside. Thats how i've always pictured her, but she just took a life of an innocent man...and when i Rp i feel my characters, i dont think i know anyone else who FEELS their characters this much...and i feel like i've killed an innocent man, i feel her guilt, her shame, all that stupid jazz. So here comes the question...can i do it? Can i force myself to walk that path? I know she can't, truely, without reasoning everythin she does... i know she's true to herself even in the most desperate, most painful times...but all people slip a little...BAH! I feel to much, i sit there and i stew and i feel everything my character feels...and i have all sorts of plots in my head and i dont know if any of them will work out the way i want them to, or come crashing in on me...please excuse this rant that probably is not very cohereant at all. I love you all.