Punishment [3/?]
Title: Punishment [3/?]
Rating: T
Pairing, Characters: Jesse, Rachel, members of ND, OC's from VA.
Warnings: No real spoilers...
Summary: Jesse has been punishing himself for all that he has done. VA decides to punish him as well, although their punishment is a little more violent. What happens when Jesse gets dropped off at the last place he wanted to be to get taken care of?
The bright lights of the washroom force Jesse’s eyes closed. He feels his body being placed on top of the toilet, he let’s out a whimper of pain as the action forces his ribs to move. He hears the water running and slowly drifts off. He sees images of Rachel running to him with a scared look on her face, he has a glimpse of Finn carrying him across a lawn, and he feels the punches of his former team members against his skin.
The touch of a damp cloth to his face brings Jesse into reality. His eyes snap open and once again he is met with Rachel’s deep brown eyes, eyes that threaten to spill tears. Jesse thinks that this must be a dream. If it is Jesse will gladly live in this dream until he succumbs to his injuries.
Rachel searches Jesse’s face for any hint of the boy she loves. She finds nothing, all she sees is a broken boy, and she doesn’t even know if he’s really seeing her. Her mind is still flashing to Jesse’s last comment about how hurting feels good. Rachel knows that that was not a normal response to the situation, she knows that there is more than just a beating here.
Jesse silently watches as Rachel drags the damp cloth across his face. The cool water pulling away the blood and yoke feels wonderful on Jesse’s heated skin. As the cloth passes over the cut on his forehead he flinches, but doesn’t drop his eyes from Rachel. He raises his hand and brings it to her waist.
The shock that this is real, that Rachel is real causes Jesse to crumble. And soon his own tears are working away some of what remains dried to his face. The feeling of comfort that Jesse gets from Rachel’s gestures is something he hasn’t felt in weeks and Jesse knows that he doesn’t deserve it, not from Rachel not from anyone.
Jesse pushes Rachel away, he has to go, and he can’t bring down an innocent into his hell. If he stays that’s what he’ll do to Rachel.
Rachel holds her ground as Jesse struggles to push her away. She can’t let him go. She’s scared that he might do more damage to himself - part of her worries that some of that damage will be intentional.
“I’m not letting you go.” Rachel says firmly and holds Jesse in place.
“I’ll hurt you Rachel if I stay.”
“You won’t.” Rachel doesn’t know if that’s true, but for now she has to believe that he won’t.
The defiant look in Rachel’s eyes tells Jesse he can’t win, not until Rachel helps him clean up. He knows that he can get away, back to the solace of his empty house, his empty life. For now he’ll accept the pain of being close, yet far from the girl that he loves.
Rachel watches the defeat settle on Jesse’s face. The look tears at Rachel’s heart, she never thought she would see such a look on the face of the one boy who seemed to never let anything defeat him. She brushes off her own feelings and returns to taking care of Jesse, she wants to ask him what happened, what’s been happening, but she knows that if she does he will close up on her.
Rachel looks down at the bloodied towel in her hand and back at the egg shells in Jesse’s hair and the blood caked down his neck and arms. She knows that that the only way to get him clean is to get him into the shower.
“Lift your arms.”
Jesse follows Rachel’s command. He thinks of it as following orders at VA practice; he knows it will keep him hollow, hard and soulless in such a close proximity to Rachel. He lifts his hands above his shoulders and his side feels like he’s being stabbed. He steels his face, taking the pain as his penance for what his presence must be doing to Rachel.
Rachel grabs the hem of Jesse’s t-shirt and gingerly pulls it off. She throws it in the direction of the garbage, knowing that the blood will never come out and that it would be trashed anyways. Next she works the fly loose on his jeans and pulls them down his legs. Jesse is left standing in his black boxers. Rachel’s eyes slowly drag over his body. She notes how muscular Jesse is, more so than he was before. Her mind also catalogues each injury, from the deep purple bruising along his ribs, the deep wound on his inner bicep, the bruises and cuts adorning his face.
The injuries that frighten Rachel the most though aren’t from the beating, they are the four sets of parallel cuts that circle around the tops of both of Jesse’s biceps. She knows that those could only be self inflicted and Rachel is afraid. Afraid that this beating is too much for Jesse, afraid that she can’t help him, afraid that he is to far gone and that she will lose him forever.
Jesse watches Rachel take in his injuries; it’s almost an out of body experience. He tilts his head in confusion as her eyes fill with tears and a look of fear crosses her face. Jesse understands the look; he knows that Rachel must fear him. Fear that he will hurt her once again. He catalogues the look and adds it to the collection of faces he holds in his mind, faces that fuel his self hate.
“Ok Jesse into the shower.” Rachel gently pushes Jesse towards the edge of the tub, he weakly steps in.
Rachel makes quick work of rinsing off Jesse. She pretends not to notice how he flinches every time she touches his skin. It is a sharp contrast to the way Jesse used to relish contact, he used to love having some kind of contact with Rachel, whether it be her cuddled into his side as they walked or even the slightest touch of hands as they would pass each other.
Turning off the water Rachel gently dries Jesse, before placing gauze and bandages over all of Jesse’s cuts. She then hands him a clean set of clothes and leaves the room as he changes. In the hallway Rachel takes in deep breaths to steady herself and stop herself from crying. She can’t cry she has to be strong, strong enough to bring Jesse out of this darkness where he seems to have trapped himself.
Jesse emerges from the bathroom in the clean clothes. He sees Rachel standing against the opposite wall. He knows he shouldn’t be in the house any longer; so he nods and heads towards the front door.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“You can’t, you won’t be able to make it home.”
“I’ll be fine Rachel, it’s not that far.” Jesse says, not adding that the gruelling walk is something that he desires.
Rachel can’t let him leave alone in the state that he’s in. She knows that he’ll never make it home, but more so she’s scared of what he might do to himself if he is left alone.
“I’ll take you.” Rachel says firmly giving Jesse no room to argue or deny her command.
Rating: T
Pairing, Characters: Jesse, Rachel, members of ND, OC's from VA.
Warnings: No real spoilers...
Summary: Jesse has been punishing himself for all that he has done. VA decides to punish him as well, although their punishment is a little more violent. What happens when Jesse gets dropped off at the last place he wanted to be to get taken care of?
The bright lights of the washroom force Jesse’s eyes closed. He feels his body being placed on top of the toilet, he let’s out a whimper of pain as the action forces his ribs to move. He hears the water running and slowly drifts off. He sees images of Rachel running to him with a scared look on her face, he has a glimpse of Finn carrying him across a lawn, and he feels the punches of his former team members against his skin.
The touch of a damp cloth to his face brings Jesse into reality. His eyes snap open and once again he is met with Rachel’s deep brown eyes, eyes that threaten to spill tears. Jesse thinks that this must be a dream. If it is Jesse will gladly live in this dream until he succumbs to his injuries.
Rachel searches Jesse’s face for any hint of the boy she loves. She finds nothing, all she sees is a broken boy, and she doesn’t even know if he’s really seeing her. Her mind is still flashing to Jesse’s last comment about how hurting feels good. Rachel knows that that was not a normal response to the situation, she knows that there is more than just a beating here.
Jesse silently watches as Rachel drags the damp cloth across his face. The cool water pulling away the blood and yoke feels wonderful on Jesse’s heated skin. As the cloth passes over the cut on his forehead he flinches, but doesn’t drop his eyes from Rachel. He raises his hand and brings it to her waist.
The shock that this is real, that Rachel is real causes Jesse to crumble. And soon his own tears are working away some of what remains dried to his face. The feeling of comfort that Jesse gets from Rachel’s gestures is something he hasn’t felt in weeks and Jesse knows that he doesn’t deserve it, not from Rachel not from anyone.
Jesse pushes Rachel away, he has to go, and he can’t bring down an innocent into his hell. If he stays that’s what he’ll do to Rachel.
Rachel holds her ground as Jesse struggles to push her away. She can’t let him go. She’s scared that he might do more damage to himself - part of her worries that some of that damage will be intentional.
“I’m not letting you go.” Rachel says firmly and holds Jesse in place.
“I’ll hurt you Rachel if I stay.”
“You won’t.” Rachel doesn’t know if that’s true, but for now she has to believe that he won’t.
The defiant look in Rachel’s eyes tells Jesse he can’t win, not until Rachel helps him clean up. He knows that he can get away, back to the solace of his empty house, his empty life. For now he’ll accept the pain of being close, yet far from the girl that he loves.
Rachel watches the defeat settle on Jesse’s face. The look tears at Rachel’s heart, she never thought she would see such a look on the face of the one boy who seemed to never let anything defeat him. She brushes off her own feelings and returns to taking care of Jesse, she wants to ask him what happened, what’s been happening, but she knows that if she does he will close up on her.
Rachel looks down at the bloodied towel in her hand and back at the egg shells in Jesse’s hair and the blood caked down his neck and arms. She knows that that the only way to get him clean is to get him into the shower.
“Lift your arms.”
Jesse follows Rachel’s command. He thinks of it as following orders at VA practice; he knows it will keep him hollow, hard and soulless in such a close proximity to Rachel. He lifts his hands above his shoulders and his side feels like he’s being stabbed. He steels his face, taking the pain as his penance for what his presence must be doing to Rachel.
Rachel grabs the hem of Jesse’s t-shirt and gingerly pulls it off. She throws it in the direction of the garbage, knowing that the blood will never come out and that it would be trashed anyways. Next she works the fly loose on his jeans and pulls them down his legs. Jesse is left standing in his black boxers. Rachel’s eyes slowly drag over his body. She notes how muscular Jesse is, more so than he was before. Her mind also catalogues each injury, from the deep purple bruising along his ribs, the deep wound on his inner bicep, the bruises and cuts adorning his face.
The injuries that frighten Rachel the most though aren’t from the beating, they are the four sets of parallel cuts that circle around the tops of both of Jesse’s biceps. She knows that those could only be self inflicted and Rachel is afraid. Afraid that this beating is too much for Jesse, afraid that she can’t help him, afraid that he is to far gone and that she will lose him forever.
Jesse watches Rachel take in his injuries; it’s almost an out of body experience. He tilts his head in confusion as her eyes fill with tears and a look of fear crosses her face. Jesse understands the look; he knows that Rachel must fear him. Fear that he will hurt her once again. He catalogues the look and adds it to the collection of faces he holds in his mind, faces that fuel his self hate.
“Ok Jesse into the shower.” Rachel gently pushes Jesse towards the edge of the tub, he weakly steps in.
Rachel makes quick work of rinsing off Jesse. She pretends not to notice how he flinches every time she touches his skin. It is a sharp contrast to the way Jesse used to relish contact, he used to love having some kind of contact with Rachel, whether it be her cuddled into his side as they walked or even the slightest touch of hands as they would pass each other.
Turning off the water Rachel gently dries Jesse, before placing gauze and bandages over all of Jesse’s cuts. She then hands him a clean set of clothes and leaves the room as he changes. In the hallway Rachel takes in deep breaths to steady herself and stop herself from crying. She can’t cry she has to be strong, strong enough to bring Jesse out of this darkness where he seems to have trapped himself.
Jesse emerges from the bathroom in the clean clothes. He sees Rachel standing against the opposite wall. He knows he shouldn’t be in the house any longer; so he nods and heads towards the front door.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“You can’t, you won’t be able to make it home.”
“I’ll be fine Rachel, it’s not that far.” Jesse says, not adding that the gruelling walk is something that he desires.
Rachel can’t let him leave alone in the state that he’s in. She knows that he’ll never make it home, but more so she’s scared of what he might do to himself if he is left alone.
“I’ll take you.” Rachel says firmly giving Jesse no room to argue or deny her command.