some thougts on "home."
I love fall. I love October most of all.
Not having a job or a social life has freed up some time. I've pretty much got free reign of this apartment and fortunately Michael loves fall too. So I've gone about "mostly" for free decorating this place to look less like too small of a space for two people to cram everything they own under the sun into and more like somewhere people live. Its starting to finally look less like a storage shed and more like a place you might want to sit for a while.
Michael thought it was nice when our thing storage started to look like a home and adorable that I was all excited making sheet table cloths, hockey tape witch hats, stick and string bouquets, and Halloween costumes for our stuffed animals that he has begun to pick up a few things here or there after work and bring them home for me to play with. And we've made an outing or two of letting me go to the dollar store and get random things or the most wonderful farm market in the world for fall vegetation :)
Ive been decorating our apartment as much as is possible with things I find, that we already have, and that I make. Theirs also only so much you can do with little space and a place your only renting. Still its starting to look really nice in here. Fall colors sooth me.
I am the biggest little kid in the world! I was always the kid who got psyched about the holidays ... any holiday... weeks before.... especially Halloween and the season of fall. I Still get excited when I see leaves on the ground and I still run and hop in clumps of then and puddles when I walk down the side walk. I wish we had a yard here so that I could make a leaf pile. I bake things. and cook stews and pies, and have cider, and hot coffee with a book by the window. I got a pair of children's wings and a fairy wand for a dollar at a grocery store yesterday and I wore it all night and most certainly will be again :) Theres now a painted pumpkin and gourds in the bathroom and two in the dining room waiting to be carved.
I am finally starting to like the feel of here.
I only wish that I could get outside and enjoy the real fall more. No joke, half of the times Ive walk outside for any length of time without Michael I am approached by scary creepy men. This is not a safe area , at least for short woman alone. I can't really go outside by myself and Michael works till late so its dark downtown in a city by the time hes home. And I have met no one in the near year I have lived here. For a short time I almost made friends with the guys that lived up stairs but then there was a weird, one stabbed the other, sort of deal. the cops came and we never saw either of them again. Judging by the pile of old mail of theirs they aren't here anymore nor coming back. People move in and out of this apartment a lot... and most of them you'd never know were here at all aside from the mail .... cept the old drunk guy upstairs who yells drunk mean things to his crazy girlfriend (who knocks on his apartment door for full hours because she thinks hes just avoiding her) over the phone for hours at a time between 10 pm to 2am :P.. often. Three windows open to the next door house/apartment that is a little more than a car length away and the other window opens to the road. I open those blinds from time to time.
I considered taking a book and walking to the park to read one day... then I remembered a womans body had been found there a week or two before. And I don't want to be one of these..."oh gosh.. I live in a big scawy city!" kind of girls... cause all in all its just like any other decent sized place more people more bad people... and this house just happens to be in/near the "bad area". I still wasn't that concerned till I tried to wander around by myself a few times anywhere aside from Washington Square.
and was hassled by men who wanted sex crack or other. Without income to be able to go somewhere for a cup of coffee etc, friends to go with, a yard to be in, I really don't have much of a choice but to sit in the house all day every day or just aimlessly walk and be looking over my shoulder the whole time. And its making me so nuts. ... more nuts. :P
But I've just sent in yet another application so we'll just hope they call. I have to look up the buisness location...its here... I just hope its close and in a good area because I will have to be walking to and from whatever work I can find. The Womens Center is going to put on self defense classes soon for free... and I am so all over them! Then if I get this/any! job and start meeting people and leaving this apartment I'll also be self assured that if on the way to or from there any more weirdos come walking and or driving up after me again I'll be able to kick the shit out of them :)
I'm starting to like the apartment its fall and Halloween and familiar. I still have no idea if I like the area at all because I really haven't experienced it. I cant at this point, no current job, no availible car, no friends, no yard, no ability to beat the shit out of the weirdos. I need to either be able to experience the area or magically transport the apartment to a new town.... preferably not in MI.
thats the practical state of things...
then theirs the "personal situation"... that I might venture into some other time that adds a whole other layer to this.
I'm not sure how I feel about "here" yet.... half of me feels home. the other half of me feels stuck...
grounded....
but
at least the "room" I'm grounded in looks like fall, and that makes me smile.
Not having a job or a social life has freed up some time. I've pretty much got free reign of this apartment and fortunately Michael loves fall too. So I've gone about "mostly" for free decorating this place to look less like too small of a space for two people to cram everything they own under the sun into and more like somewhere people live. Its starting to finally look less like a storage shed and more like a place you might want to sit for a while.
Michael thought it was nice when our thing storage started to look like a home and adorable that I was all excited making sheet table cloths, hockey tape witch hats, stick and string bouquets, and Halloween costumes for our stuffed animals that he has begun to pick up a few things here or there after work and bring them home for me to play with. And we've made an outing or two of letting me go to the dollar store and get random things or the most wonderful farm market in the world for fall vegetation :)
Ive been decorating our apartment as much as is possible with things I find, that we already have, and that I make. Theirs also only so much you can do with little space and a place your only renting. Still its starting to look really nice in here. Fall colors sooth me.
I am the biggest little kid in the world! I was always the kid who got psyched about the holidays ... any holiday... weeks before.... especially Halloween and the season of fall. I Still get excited when I see leaves on the ground and I still run and hop in clumps of then and puddles when I walk down the side walk. I wish we had a yard here so that I could make a leaf pile. I bake things. and cook stews and pies, and have cider, and hot coffee with a book by the window. I got a pair of children's wings and a fairy wand for a dollar at a grocery store yesterday and I wore it all night and most certainly will be again :) Theres now a painted pumpkin and gourds in the bathroom and two in the dining room waiting to be carved.
I am finally starting to like the feel of here.
I only wish that I could get outside and enjoy the real fall more. No joke, half of the times Ive walk outside for any length of time without Michael I am approached by scary creepy men. This is not a safe area , at least for short woman alone. I can't really go outside by myself and Michael works till late so its dark downtown in a city by the time hes home. And I have met no one in the near year I have lived here. For a short time I almost made friends with the guys that lived up stairs but then there was a weird, one stabbed the other, sort of deal. the cops came and we never saw either of them again. Judging by the pile of old mail of theirs they aren't here anymore nor coming back. People move in and out of this apartment a lot... and most of them you'd never know were here at all aside from the mail .... cept the old drunk guy upstairs who yells drunk mean things to his crazy girlfriend (who knocks on his apartment door for full hours because she thinks hes just avoiding her) over the phone for hours at a time between 10 pm to 2am :P.. often. Three windows open to the next door house/apartment that is a little more than a car length away and the other window opens to the road. I open those blinds from time to time.
I considered taking a book and walking to the park to read one day... then I remembered a womans body had been found there a week or two before. And I don't want to be one of these..."oh gosh.. I live in a big scawy city!" kind of girls... cause all in all its just like any other decent sized place more people more bad people... and this house just happens to be in/near the "bad area". I still wasn't that concerned till I tried to wander around by myself a few times anywhere aside from Washington Square.
and was hassled by men who wanted sex crack or other. Without income to be able to go somewhere for a cup of coffee etc, friends to go with, a yard to be in, I really don't have much of a choice but to sit in the house all day every day or just aimlessly walk and be looking over my shoulder the whole time. And its making me so nuts. ... more nuts. :P
But I've just sent in yet another application so we'll just hope they call. I have to look up the buisness location...its here... I just hope its close and in a good area because I will have to be walking to and from whatever work I can find. The Womens Center is going to put on self defense classes soon for free... and I am so all over them! Then if I get this/any! job and start meeting people and leaving this apartment I'll also be self assured that if on the way to or from there any more weirdos come walking and or driving up after me again I'll be able to kick the shit out of them :)
I'm starting to like the apartment its fall and Halloween and familiar. I still have no idea if I like the area at all because I really haven't experienced it. I cant at this point, no current job, no availible car, no friends, no yard, no ability to beat the shit out of the weirdos. I need to either be able to experience the area or magically transport the apartment to a new town.... preferably not in MI.
thats the practical state of things...
then theirs the "personal situation"... that I might venture into some other time that adds a whole other layer to this.
I'm not sure how I feel about "here" yet.... half of me feels home. the other half of me feels stuck...
grounded....
but
at least the "room" I'm grounded in looks like fall, and that makes me smile.