(no subject)
my tears are turning into time..
at the most random moments my mood changes.
i was happy & and now im happy and ..sad
because of everything i have and all the things that..shell never..............
this will never go away will it?
they dont lie when they say its painful
i wrote something along time ago that said something like "the pain never goes away it just gets pushed aside..and when those moments come by the pain is as great as it was in the beginning." something like that.
its all something like that.
life can suck so much.
And i want to let go of so many things. but i cant. Something wont let me. it'll never let me.
I cant stand not having all the answers...i have so many un answered questions.
sometimes i want to rip my flesh off just to see my bones. just so everyone can see me. Do you think you can see me? what do you see?
I love being happy. but i crave being sad.
Thats who ive become , thats who i am.
"im only happy when it rains"
which means..im my happiest when im most sad.
only when i know things are bad can i be happy.
how sad..
who made me that way. what did i do wrong
theres a name for people like me.
but i cant remember what it is.
its probably more normal than i a think.
maybe im more normal than the rest.
Hes the only thing that makes me want to be satisfied when im happy.
familys nothing great..Because they've all let me down. But i still love them
Love is limitless. because even when someone you love does something so horrible to you, you still love them..it doesnt just go away. And then you hate yourself for still loving them. the only common denomenator in all of that is.. the fact you love them. wither you love to love them or hate to love them ..you still love them.
-answer to spooners questions.
my brain never stops. im so tired mentally.
all of this isnt even current thoughts..there just.........thoughts.
i dont know why i bring these things up because its not what i was thinking about 20 mintues ago.
I like to talk about things that mean something to me.
but i never talk about the right things
I like talking to him on the phone..but it never seems like enough time. Ive spent an intire day on the phone.more that 12 hours with him and even when theres nothing to talk about you just .would rather sit in silence than not have them a phone line away.i like that.
tomorrow im going to spend (hopefully) my intire day from 11:30 until 10pm with him. - i wonder when ill fit my homework in there. maybe ill do it now. its only 12:28. Tomorrow hes going to buy me a shirt. because he loves me :D god damnit he makes me sooo happy. theres no song or word that can describe any feeling that he gives me weither its good or bad. & i think that thats how i know that there might not be any other person that could make me feel any of the ways he makes me feel. I dont want to say that we will be together forever because i know the odds are against us in everyway. but ..if thats the only think i take from both my parents i want it to be "that kind of love".
give us that kind of love
i was all over the place tonight. i need to learn how to pick a subject and stick to it.
at the most random moments my mood changes.
i was happy & and now im happy and ..sad
because of everything i have and all the things that..shell never..............
this will never go away will it?
they dont lie when they say its painful
i wrote something along time ago that said something like "the pain never goes away it just gets pushed aside..and when those moments come by the pain is as great as it was in the beginning." something like that.
its all something like that.
life can suck so much.
And i want to let go of so many things. but i cant. Something wont let me. it'll never let me.
I cant stand not having all the answers...i have so many un answered questions.
sometimes i want to rip my flesh off just to see my bones. just so everyone can see me. Do you think you can see me? what do you see?
I love being happy. but i crave being sad.
Thats who ive become , thats who i am.
"im only happy when it rains"
which means..im my happiest when im most sad.
only when i know things are bad can i be happy.
how sad..
who made me that way. what did i do wrong
theres a name for people like me.
but i cant remember what it is.
its probably more normal than i a think.
maybe im more normal than the rest.
Hes the only thing that makes me want to be satisfied when im happy.
familys nothing great..Because they've all let me down. But i still love them
Love is limitless. because even when someone you love does something so horrible to you, you still love them..it doesnt just go away. And then you hate yourself for still loving them. the only common denomenator in all of that is.. the fact you love them. wither you love to love them or hate to love them ..you still love them.
-answer to spooners questions.
my brain never stops. im so tired mentally.
all of this isnt even current thoughts..there just.........thoughts.
i dont know why i bring these things up because its not what i was thinking about 20 mintues ago.
I like to talk about things that mean something to me.
but i never talk about the right things
I like talking to him on the phone..but it never seems like enough time. Ive spent an intire day on the phone.more that 12 hours with him and even when theres nothing to talk about you just .would rather sit in silence than not have them a phone line away.i like that.
tomorrow im going to spend (hopefully) my intire day from 11:30 until 10pm with him. - i wonder when ill fit my homework in there. maybe ill do it now. its only 12:28. Tomorrow hes going to buy me a shirt. because he loves me :D god damnit he makes me sooo happy. theres no song or word that can describe any feeling that he gives me weither its good or bad. & i think that thats how i know that there might not be any other person that could make me feel any of the ways he makes me feel. I dont want to say that we will be together forever because i know the odds are against us in everyway. but ..if thats the only think i take from both my parents i want it to be "that kind of love".
give us that kind of love
i was all over the place tonight. i need to learn how to pick a subject and stick to it.