i want to run away
Sometimes I feel it would be better if I just went away. Ed doesn't think I love him anymore, what if that's true. I've love him more than anyone I've been with, ever. But I treat him so badly. I don't mean to. Maybe I'm just trying to push him away. I never had a dad who loved me so why should he? This would be so much easier if I wasn't pregnant. I wish I would have stayed in Michigan. Then I have all these other things that enter my mind. Like what if something is wrong with the baby? And what if I'm going to be a bad mother? What if Ed not going to be as good as a father as he thinks he's going to be. Maybe I should just leave the baby with him. I don't know. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there. What if? huh. Sometimes I feel like such a horrible person. And I am, I'm such a horrible person to Ed, and he doesn't deserve that. And I know most of the people who read this don't like Ed very much and want to see us apart. But he is one of the best things to happen to me.