Part Two: Vehicular Cancer
So, my car is slowly dying. Many people say this, many people's are. However, as a list for myself and my peers, as well as my mechanic, this is what is currently wrong with my car:
1990 Honda Accord. They say they never die. Mine's gettting there. 17 years old. How old is that in human years? I'll get back to you.
1) My Antennae is a Coat Hanger.
2) My Front Left Tire has a Slow Air Leak.
3) My Rear-View Mirror fell off, and is now only attatched by wedging it into my sun-visor.
4) My left-side mirror no longer sticks in the direction you wish to see. That is, it is loose, and therefore simply falls to gravity, facing downward always. (Btw, I don't have a right-side mirror. But that's just my car, not a problem, per se.)
5) My hood is bent and crooked, due to a rear-end collision and the following incident on the highway. (Hard to describe in words alone.)
6) My window wipers need replaced, they get a little bit of the water/whatever off of my windshield, but not much. (Auto-zone doesn't have my size.)
7) After replacing my wipers, the window wiper fluid goes into the car, and then it comes of the bottom of the car.
8) My radio has a steady and unnatural flashing glow. Every few seconds the lights on it dim, then light, and so on, indefinitely. (Years ago, they said this means my alternator is going...?)
9) My front-left and back-left speakers are shot.
10) My front-right speaker goes on and off in the same fashion as my radio's light, save it takes into consideration bumps in the road.
11) There exists a crack in my windshield. It used to be a few inches long. It slowly moves across my windshield over the months, it's now about a foot and a half long. It's in the danger zone for cracks on windshields, making it illegal to drive, so I hear.
12) The crack in the windshield creates an unusual climate in my car in any wet weather, such that I can rarely defog the car without extreme heat, or extreme cold.
13) The midpipe in my exhaust recently fell from its position and began to drag across the ground due to rusty conditions under my car. Anyone who knows about exhausts, this is the piece that leads to the muffler, and therefore, my engine is not muffled at all. I call this effect "Monty's Roar".
14) The whole underside of my car seems to be accumulating rust like a slow cancer. This will undoubtedly lead to problems in the future.
15) Everytime I open the trunk, water falls from the top of the trunk onto anything that is in the trunk, no matter the weather...?
16) Rumour has it that I have a leak towards the top of my gasoline tank, so that it has been recommended that I fill my tank no more than half-way filled, or keep it no less than half-empty.
However, with all of these problems, I have no doubt at all that my car, Montgomery Mraz, will not last me for as long as I want it. His favourite bedtime story as a child: The Little Engine that Could. ;)
1990 Honda Accord. They say they never die. Mine's gettting there. 17 years old. How old is that in human years? I'll get back to you.
1) My Antennae is a Coat Hanger.
2) My Front Left Tire has a Slow Air Leak.
3) My Rear-View Mirror fell off, and is now only attatched by wedging it into my sun-visor.
4) My left-side mirror no longer sticks in the direction you wish to see. That is, it is loose, and therefore simply falls to gravity, facing downward always. (Btw, I don't have a right-side mirror. But that's just my car, not a problem, per se.)
5) My hood is bent and crooked, due to a rear-end collision and the following incident on the highway. (Hard to describe in words alone.)
6) My window wipers need replaced, they get a little bit of the water/whatever off of my windshield, but not much. (Auto-zone doesn't have my size.)
7) After replacing my wipers, the window wiper fluid goes into the car, and then it comes of the bottom of the car.
8) My radio has a steady and unnatural flashing glow. Every few seconds the lights on it dim, then light, and so on, indefinitely. (Years ago, they said this means my alternator is going...?)
9) My front-left and back-left speakers are shot.
10) My front-right speaker goes on and off in the same fashion as my radio's light, save it takes into consideration bumps in the road.
11) There exists a crack in my windshield. It used to be a few inches long. It slowly moves across my windshield over the months, it's now about a foot and a half long. It's in the danger zone for cracks on windshields, making it illegal to drive, so I hear.
12) The crack in the windshield creates an unusual climate in my car in any wet weather, such that I can rarely defog the car without extreme heat, or extreme cold.
13) The midpipe in my exhaust recently fell from its position and began to drag across the ground due to rusty conditions under my car. Anyone who knows about exhausts, this is the piece that leads to the muffler, and therefore, my engine is not muffled at all. I call this effect "Monty's Roar".
14) The whole underside of my car seems to be accumulating rust like a slow cancer. This will undoubtedly lead to problems in the future.
15) Everytime I open the trunk, water falls from the top of the trunk onto anything that is in the trunk, no matter the weather...?
16) Rumour has it that I have a leak towards the top of my gasoline tank, so that it has been recommended that I fill my tank no more than half-way filled, or keep it no less than half-empty.
However, with all of these problems, I have no doubt at all that my car, Montgomery Mraz, will not last me for as long as I want it. His favourite bedtime story as a child: The Little Engine that Could. ;)