BITCH, PLEASE!
...Because Neuro is awesome.
Well, today was a pretty boring day. Nothing eventful happened at all. Basically just randomly checking on websites but nothing interesting at all.
Andy and I were suppose to do something together today, so I was really excited for that... She said yesterday that she would contact me to tell me when she was free. So I ended up waiting all day until around 4:00pm-ish I believe all I know is that she came on MSN around that time and that's when Dr. Phil is on. She told me she was up until 6:00am playing video games, slept until 2:00pm and then went to Chapters to buy Breaking Cawn and read until then... So of course I felt really disappointed since she she completely forgot about me and "lost track of time". Andy was apologizing although I was still bitter. I forgave her, however still bitter. It's like nothing changed in some ways. Like as if she still doesn't care about me, even as a friend and just does things for her own benefit. So of course I told her that and she said to me, "That's not true!" and started apologizing again to me. So basically I just said, "Whatever. I'm use to being disappointed a lot this summer..." My turn to lay on guilt trips... Bad Tane...
So I asked her when she would be able to do something another time with me with me, but it turns out she's busy for the next 2 days... Funny thing is that yesterday she wanted to do something with my Thursday as well, so I was assuming it would just be Marlen, Andy and I because Andy was excited to invite me in when we were talking last night, but it just turns out that Andy said she's going with Jess and Marlen so it's like I don't even matter and she doesn't even mention something like, "Of course you can come too and join us, Tane!" and she didn't say anything about inviting me. Of course I wouldn't invite myself if she didn't want me there, but it's like she still doesn't give a damn...
Damn it all...
I was talking about it with Kiska, as well. This feels so difficult lately with these things involving Andy and I. I feel so helpless; I still love her so much and yet I have to let it go. My love for Andy won't let go right away but it still hurts talking to her, like this. I just want it to be one-on-one when her and I spend time together. I still feel so selfish and thinking she's still mine... It's difficult to think that there's another person out there I'll fall in in love with. The pain in my heart is still lingering and it hasn't completely gone away yet. I still feel as if I'm suffering, and yet I'm bringing it upon myself. I still want to know her, I still want to talk to her... I need to pull myself away, but that would hurt her and I couldn't bare that either... Oh god, I feel so pathetic. I'm getting choked up...
I really hope that Katrina is getting better from the removal of her wisdom teeth. The past few days I've missed talking to her so much. I would like to know how she's doing and want to spend time with her. I feel as though we've really become close during this summer and I really hope we get some classes together during school or spares together would be even more awesome. I miss her. =(
I'm going to the CLE tomorrow. I hope the weather will be nice. I think I'm going during the day-time, because lots of people will be going then. I won't be going on any rides, because I don't want to get all pale after most of the rides will do that to me. It's not that I would get sick, it's just that I would get dizzy and pale. Hopefully it'll be a lot of fun!
I plan on watching a movie now. I need to get away from the computer... *sighs*
Well, today was a pretty boring day. Nothing eventful happened at all. Basically just randomly checking on websites but nothing interesting at all.
Andy and I were suppose to do something together today, so I was really excited for that... She said yesterday that she would contact me to tell me when she was free. So I ended up waiting all day until around 4:00pm-ish I believe all I know is that she came on MSN around that time and that's when Dr. Phil is on. She told me she was up until 6:00am playing video games, slept until 2:00pm and then went to Chapters to buy Breaking Cawn and read until then... So of course I felt really disappointed since she she completely forgot about me and "lost track of time". Andy was apologizing although I was still bitter. I forgave her, however still bitter. It's like nothing changed in some ways. Like as if she still doesn't care about me, even as a friend and just does things for her own benefit. So of course I told her that and she said to me, "That's not true!" and started apologizing again to me. So basically I just said, "Whatever. I'm use to being disappointed a lot this summer..." My turn to lay on guilt trips... Bad Tane...
So I asked her when she would be able to do something another time with me with me, but it turns out she's busy for the next 2 days... Funny thing is that yesterday she wanted to do something with my Thursday as well, so I was assuming it would just be Marlen, Andy and I because Andy was excited to invite me in when we were talking last night, but it just turns out that Andy said she's going with Jess and Marlen so it's like I don't even matter and she doesn't even mention something like, "Of course you can come too and join us, Tane!" and she didn't say anything about inviting me. Of course I wouldn't invite myself if she didn't want me there, but it's like she still doesn't give a damn...
Damn it all...
I was talking about it with Kiska, as well. This feels so difficult lately with these things involving Andy and I. I feel so helpless; I still love her so much and yet I have to let it go. My love for Andy won't let go right away but it still hurts talking to her, like this. I just want it to be one-on-one when her and I spend time together. I still feel so selfish and thinking she's still mine... It's difficult to think that there's another person out there I'll fall in in love with. The pain in my heart is still lingering and it hasn't completely gone away yet. I still feel as if I'm suffering, and yet I'm bringing it upon myself. I still want to know her, I still want to talk to her... I need to pull myself away, but that would hurt her and I couldn't bare that either... Oh god, I feel so pathetic. I'm getting choked up...
I really hope that Katrina is getting better from the removal of her wisdom teeth. The past few days I've missed talking to her so much. I would like to know how she's doing and want to spend time with her. I feel as though we've really become close during this summer and I really hope we get some classes together during school or spares together would be even more awesome. I miss her. =(
I'm going to the CLE tomorrow. I hope the weather will be nice. I think I'm going during the day-time, because lots of people will be going then. I won't be going on any rides, because I don't want to get all pale after most of the rides will do that to me. It's not that I would get sick, it's just that I would get dizzy and pale. Hopefully it'll be a lot of fun!
I plan on watching a movie now. I need to get away from the computer... *sighs*