Fic challenge
Sorry this is a bit rushed - I'm on my lunch break!
Title: Invading, Tidy-Like
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Ten
Rating: Mild PG for M/M kissing
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Still being silly, oh yes.
Disclaimer: Not mine; they belong to RTD and to the BBC
Summary: Written as a result of the Day Twenty-One challenge on horizonssing: The aliens came with but one thought in mind...
By the time the team got to the farm outside Aberaeron, the situation had seriously deteriorated. UNIT had arrived in force and had more or less garrisoned the town, while the officers had calmly appropriated the local council offices for a headquarters and turfed out the indignant staff. Further up the coast, the huge coppery saucers of the alien fleet could be seen hovering against the vivid green of the hills.
"At least it's not raining," was Gwen's resigned comment as they watched the frantic to-ing and fro-ing of the military and the incensed honking of the locals as they tried to use the road.
Jack grinned and shook his head. "Welsh," he muttered to himself as he made for the noisy meeting that was taking place in the car park a little way up from the council offices. The bright sunshine, small harbour filled with boats and gaily painted houses contrasted sharply with the men in uniform and angry knot of civilians. "Morning!" he called out as he arrived at a casual stroll.
"I'm sorry, sir," a young soldier said as he barred Jack's path. "No tourists allowed. Why don't you go to the beach, or something?"
Jack gave him a quietly incredulous look, hearing the muffled snickers from Gwen. Ianto was far too subtle to snicker, but Jack was willing to bet that there was a smirk somewhere in the vicinity of a certain sexy Welshman. "We're from Torchwood," he said dryly. "And I really think you'd better let us through, before you make an even bigger mess of this situation."
The soldier bristled, but before he could make some smart comment, there was a brief commotion as someone suddenly started tunnelling his way through the soldiers. Judging from the yelps and apologies that commenced, Jack wasn't too surprised to see the Doctor suddenly appear in front of him, looking both delighted and surprised.
"Hello, Jack, you here? Thought you'd still be on your honeymoon."
"W-what?" Jack stuttered, staring at him in disbelief.
The Doctor blinked and quickly fished into his pocket, pulling out a crumpled cream card and peering at it before making an exasperated sound. "Drat, I'm ahead of myself again!" He cleared his throat and gave Jack a sheepish look. "Um, sorry about that. Er.... wrong Jack?" he finished hopefully.
Jack shook his head and let it go, although he felt an odd flutter in his stomach as the Doctor inadvertently confirmed something he had been... considering. "Looks like things are getting a little-"
"Yes, I know. I can't understand it, myself," the Doctor confessed. "Those are Jethri ships."
"Yeah, I thought so, as well. They don't go in for invasion," Jack agreed.
"They're peaceful?" Gwen asked hopefully.
"Well, I suppose you could classify them as peaceful," the Doctor agreed.
"They're bone idle," Jack elaborated. "The only reason they developed technology was so it saved them effort. The only reason they invented spaceships was because they found out there were other worlds and figured that meant better ways to laze around and eat."
The Doctor grinned. "Survival of the Fattest," he said, then went into peals of laughter as Jack gave him a pained look.
"You can never resist that pun, can you?" Jack sighed. "The point is, Jethri don't generally turn up at a planet and throw their weight around." He paused and glared as the Doctor promptly succumbed to another attack of the giggles. "They find that kind of thing too exhausting. And you're going to wind up with hiccups," he warned the Doctor, poking him as he and the others slid past the sentry and made for the shouting match that was occurring a short distance away.
"-this is now officially an UNIT operation and the town of Aberaeron is under martial law!" one of the soldiers was yelling.
"Don't be bloody daft, man!" someone shouted back from somewhere in the crowd. "It's the Cob Show this weekend and we've got people coming from all over!"
There was a strong murmur of agreement from the crowd and the major who had originally spoken looked like he was about to have a stroke on the spot. "In case you idiots haven't noticed, we have a full-scale invasion on our hands!" he bellowed as he flung a dramatic hand out to point in the direction of where the nearest of the alien saucers could be seen.
"And you'd know all about invading, wouldn't you?" someone else shouted. "Bloody Saes."
Again, there was a strong rumble of agreement from the crowd and Jack heard Ianto pull in a gasp. He had set himself the task of learning all the nuances of Ianto's sounds and gestures and while he was still in the process of learning, he knew that particular sound. Mr Ianto Jones had just put two and two together and come up with the Grand Unified Theory. Glancing over his shoulder, he mentally congratulated himself as he saw the smirk on Ianto's face. Yup, they'd just hit paydirt.
"May I, sir?" he asked Jack.
"You may," Jack agreed with a gravity that was belied by the amusement dancing in his eyes.
"Um, Jack, what...?"
"Ssh, Doctor" Jack said with a smile. "Just sit back and watch a master at work."
"Major, I believe Torchwood has jurisdiction over any alien incursion which had not progressed to the point of a formal declaration of war being received or an unprovoked attack on the native population which has resulted in a death toll of over twenty," Ianto said calmly. "While Torchwood appreciates the alacrity with which you have, ah, addressed the situation, we would prefer that you hold yourselves in readiness rather than make your presence quite so, ah, overt."
"But-"
"Have the aliens declared war?" Ianto demanded.
"Well, no, but-"
"Have they laid waste to any part of the planet?"
"One of their ships made a really big dent in one of the fields when they first landed.... No, they haven't," the major admitted with a slight sag to his shoulders.
"Then please accept my thanks for your work to date and I would heartily recommend that you and your men sample to local ice cream before you leave," Ianto said affably before turning back to the crowd and scanning it for the probable leaders.
"You're Welsh," one of the people he had mentally tagged declared.
"Wrth gwrs," Ianto said in a reasonable tone of voice. "Who else would Torchwood have for the team in Wales?" he continued in the same language.
"What about her?" someone else asked, looking at Gwen.
"My Tad's from Swansea but my Mam's from Cardiff," Gwen immediately responded. "Tad's family was originally from Tregroes, but they moved to Swansea looking for work."
There was a murmur of approval, but the crowd wasn't done yet. "What about him?" they demanded, pointing at Jack. "He acted like he was in charge but he sounds American."
"Well, yes, he seems American," Ianto agreed blithely, "but that's just because he was born over there. His mother came from around here." He hastily dug into his eidetic memory and found an old newspaper report he had studied while doing some research. "Remember Margaret Pritchard from the big house?"
There was a wave of reaction from the crowd. "He's her son?" someone demanded. "Bloody hell, I thought she got kidnapped by aliens!"
And the aliens were really sorry they'd done it by the time they got as far as Pluto, but by that time, from what we can gather, she'd got them firmly under her thumb and was well on the way to being made Empress. "Now is that likely?" Ianto scoffed, turning a blind eye to the three gigantic alien saucers still hovering over the hills. "No, she went off to America and married someone in Florida."
"Always did think she was touched in the head," someone else muttered. "Come to think of it, he does look like her. Same mad look in the eye."
"Oh yes, he's as mad as a hatter. The entire family is, but this one decided to come home to Wales." The crowd murmured and Ianto swallowed his smirk as he turned back to Jack. "Sir, would you be kind enough to say a few words in Welsh?" he asked, switching back to English.
Jack was giving him one of his unreadable looks, probably feeling a bit paranoid with all the Welsh flying around. "That phrase you taught me okay?" he asked.
"That would be perfect," Ianto assured him.
Flashing him a sudden smile, Jack turned back to the crowd. "Sut i chi gyd? Jack ydw i. Rhydw i'n twpsyn."
Ianto closed his eyes in silent bliss as hours of patient coaching finally paid off. That would teach Jack to not take the time to learn the language of the land he was living in, not to mention refusing to allow Ianto to take punitive action against Owen after the doctor had made sarcastic jokes about spitting! "Thank you, sir, that was perfect," he said appreciatively as he turned back to the crowd, who had now all relaxed and were grinning.
"Now," he said, switching back to Welsh. "Why don't we just sit ourselves down and see what we can do to get this all sorted out?"
OOOO
Several days later, Gwen leaned on a gate and licked at her ice cream in contentment as she gazed out over the field filled with placidly grazing cattle. "I'm still having trouble getting my head around it," she admitted.
"Which bit?" Ianto asked lazily, elbowing Jack gently in the chest as the older man leaned over and tried to nick his ice cream since Jack had virtually inhaled his own. "The bit where there was no invasion, the bit where the farmers were mad at UNIT because they were getting in the way of a good deal, or the bit where it turned out that the Jethri just wanted to come here for a holiday?"
"The bit where it turned out that the Jethri wanted to turn themselves into cows and pig out on the grass!" Gwen growled in exasperation, waving a hand to indicate the herd of happy alien tourists who were munching away like there was no tomorrow.
"Gwen Williams, anyone worth their salt will tell you that Welsh grass is the best on the planet!" Ianto said in scandalised tones.
"Oh, shut up, you Welsh Nash, you," Gwen grumbled, although her ill humour was swiftly banished as Ianto surrendered what was left of his ice cream cone to Jack and proceeded to tickle her unmercifully. "All right, all right, I give in!" she shrieked, her own ice cream falling to the ground. "Jack, save me!"
"I'd rather have saved your ice cream," Jack said mournfully, gazing down at the splattered remains. "Oh well, a hero's work is never done," he observed as he reached out to engulf Ianto in an embrace that soon became a passionate clinch.
"Oh Lord, not again!" the Doctor said in plaintive accents as he climbed up to meet them, several ice cream cones in his hands. "Why is it that you're snogging the life out of that poor boy every time I see you?"
"I dunno," Jack said a little breathlessly as he and Ianto finally broke for air. "Maybe if you'd call by more often you'd see us doing something different," he observed, just before Ianto's hand snaked around the back of his neck and pulled him back for seconds.
"But I wouldn't count on it," Gwen said with a giggle as she reached out to accept the ice cream the Doctor offered her. "Oooh, raspberry!" she exclaimed in delight.
The Doctor smiled absently but continued to watch Jack and Ianto in disapproval. "I'm pretty sure it's illegal to perform a tonsillectomy without a medical licence, you know," he eventually sniffed. When that had no effect, he cast about for another tactic. The ice cream was beginning to melt all over his hand, despite the null-field he had cast with his sonic screwdriver. "So when are you going to tell your young man about how the TARDIS translates all languages, Jack?" he asked heartily.
There was one further moment of uninterrupted kissing before Ianto jerked back and stared at him. "What?"
The Doctor smirked. "Oh yes, lovely trick. She works it so that my Companions and I can understand everything that's said in our hearing, no matter how unfamiliar the language. It does come in useful, sometimes." He smirked as he bounced up and down on his toes. This should be fun.
Ianto turned back to see Jack grinning. "You mean you-"
"Every word," Jack admitted with a broad grin.
"Does this work even if the TARDIS isn't around?" Ianto demanded suspiciously.
"Well it generally means I can understand what I'm hearing but I have to figure out how to speak it myself," Jack said, still smiling. It wasn't often that he saw Ianto so thoroughly off-balance. He thought it was kind of cute.
"So when I was teaching you that little speech..."
"Oh, come on, it was funny!" Jack protested. "How could I resist playing along? Besides," he said as his grin turned lecherous, "I did so love your teaching methods!"
The Doctor groaned and threw up his hands in despair as the pair of them started kissing again. The ice cream cones went flying and landed on the other side of the field, where one of the cows came over to taste the remains curiously. There was an immediate flare of light and in place of the cow was a gelatinous mass coloured a soft mauve with a frill of deep purple tentacles around the base.
"What is this heavenly taste?" the alien demanded in high-breathy tones.
"Oh, that's ice cream," Gwen said after a moment.
"Ice cream? Ice cream? It is food for the gods!" the alien wheezed. The rest of the cattle started to wander in their direction. "There is more? We can partake of more of this ice cream?" the alien asked hopefully. "Oh, this world is a wonder! Wait until the rest of our people hear of the delights that you have to offer!"
"Oh dear," Gwen said before she started to giggle helplessly.
Jack rolled his eyes, he and Ianto momentarily distracted. "Who'd have thought that official first contact would be about cows, grass and ice cream?" he observed with a laugh.
"That's Welsh grass," Ianto informed him, poking him hard in the stomach and grinning at the overdone wheeze Jack made.
"And Welsh ice cream," Gwen said smugly. "That'd better get in the history books, or there'll be trouble." She turned to the Doctor and slipped her hand through his arm. "Come on, you; we'd better get down to the Quay and see about getting this lot their ice cream, otherwise there'll be tantrums before tea."
She dragged a faintly protesting Doctor off in the direction of the town, leaving Jack and Ianto behind.
"Alone at last," Jack said dramatically.
"Well, apart from a dozen or so aliens masquerading as cows, sir," Ianto agreed with a smile.
"Hey, it's our duty, as Torchwood representatives, to educate any alien visitors on the manners and etiquette of the natives," Jack said piously as he dragged Ianto further into the field and out of sight from the gate.
"And that's going to somehow inevitably lead to us having sex al fresco, is it?" Ianto demanded a little breathlessly as he followed Jack's lead in stripping his clothes off.
"Oh, I hope so!" Jack said fervently as he dragged Ianto down into the grass.
OOOO
Translations:
Wrth gwrs : Of course
Sut i chi gyd? Jack ydw i. Rhydw i'n twpsyn.: How are you all? My name is Jack. I'm an idiot.
Title: Invading, Tidy-Like
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Ten
Rating: Mild PG for M/M kissing
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Still being silly, oh yes.
Disclaimer: Not mine; they belong to RTD and to the BBC
Summary: Written as a result of the Day Twenty-One challenge on horizonssing: The aliens came with but one thought in mind...
By the time the team got to the farm outside Aberaeron, the situation had seriously deteriorated. UNIT had arrived in force and had more or less garrisoned the town, while the officers had calmly appropriated the local council offices for a headquarters and turfed out the indignant staff. Further up the coast, the huge coppery saucers of the alien fleet could be seen hovering against the vivid green of the hills.
"At least it's not raining," was Gwen's resigned comment as they watched the frantic to-ing and fro-ing of the military and the incensed honking of the locals as they tried to use the road.
Jack grinned and shook his head. "Welsh," he muttered to himself as he made for the noisy meeting that was taking place in the car park a little way up from the council offices. The bright sunshine, small harbour filled with boats and gaily painted houses contrasted sharply with the men in uniform and angry knot of civilians. "Morning!" he called out as he arrived at a casual stroll.
"I'm sorry, sir," a young soldier said as he barred Jack's path. "No tourists allowed. Why don't you go to the beach, or something?"
Jack gave him a quietly incredulous look, hearing the muffled snickers from Gwen. Ianto was far too subtle to snicker, but Jack was willing to bet that there was a smirk somewhere in the vicinity of a certain sexy Welshman. "We're from Torchwood," he said dryly. "And I really think you'd better let us through, before you make an even bigger mess of this situation."
The soldier bristled, but before he could make some smart comment, there was a brief commotion as someone suddenly started tunnelling his way through the soldiers. Judging from the yelps and apologies that commenced, Jack wasn't too surprised to see the Doctor suddenly appear in front of him, looking both delighted and surprised.
"Hello, Jack, you here? Thought you'd still be on your honeymoon."
"W-what?" Jack stuttered, staring at him in disbelief.
The Doctor blinked and quickly fished into his pocket, pulling out a crumpled cream card and peering at it before making an exasperated sound. "Drat, I'm ahead of myself again!" He cleared his throat and gave Jack a sheepish look. "Um, sorry about that. Er.... wrong Jack?" he finished hopefully.
Jack shook his head and let it go, although he felt an odd flutter in his stomach as the Doctor inadvertently confirmed something he had been... considering. "Looks like things are getting a little-"
"Yes, I know. I can't understand it, myself," the Doctor confessed. "Those are Jethri ships."
"Yeah, I thought so, as well. They don't go in for invasion," Jack agreed.
"They're peaceful?" Gwen asked hopefully.
"Well, I suppose you could classify them as peaceful," the Doctor agreed.
"They're bone idle," Jack elaborated. "The only reason they developed technology was so it saved them effort. The only reason they invented spaceships was because they found out there were other worlds and figured that meant better ways to laze around and eat."
The Doctor grinned. "Survival of the Fattest," he said, then went into peals of laughter as Jack gave him a pained look.
"You can never resist that pun, can you?" Jack sighed. "The point is, Jethri don't generally turn up at a planet and throw their weight around." He paused and glared as the Doctor promptly succumbed to another attack of the giggles. "They find that kind of thing too exhausting. And you're going to wind up with hiccups," he warned the Doctor, poking him as he and the others slid past the sentry and made for the shouting match that was occurring a short distance away.
"-this is now officially an UNIT operation and the town of Aberaeron is under martial law!" one of the soldiers was yelling.
"Don't be bloody daft, man!" someone shouted back from somewhere in the crowd. "It's the Cob Show this weekend and we've got people coming from all over!"
There was a strong murmur of agreement from the crowd and the major who had originally spoken looked like he was about to have a stroke on the spot. "In case you idiots haven't noticed, we have a full-scale invasion on our hands!" he bellowed as he flung a dramatic hand out to point in the direction of where the nearest of the alien saucers could be seen.
"And you'd know all about invading, wouldn't you?" someone else shouted. "Bloody Saes."
Again, there was a strong rumble of agreement from the crowd and Jack heard Ianto pull in a gasp. He had set himself the task of learning all the nuances of Ianto's sounds and gestures and while he was still in the process of learning, he knew that particular sound. Mr Ianto Jones had just put two and two together and come up with the Grand Unified Theory. Glancing over his shoulder, he mentally congratulated himself as he saw the smirk on Ianto's face. Yup, they'd just hit paydirt.
"May I, sir?" he asked Jack.
"You may," Jack agreed with a gravity that was belied by the amusement dancing in his eyes.
"Um, Jack, what...?"
"Ssh, Doctor" Jack said with a smile. "Just sit back and watch a master at work."
"Major, I believe Torchwood has jurisdiction over any alien incursion which had not progressed to the point of a formal declaration of war being received or an unprovoked attack on the native population which has resulted in a death toll of over twenty," Ianto said calmly. "While Torchwood appreciates the alacrity with which you have, ah, addressed the situation, we would prefer that you hold yourselves in readiness rather than make your presence quite so, ah, overt."
"But-"
"Have the aliens declared war?" Ianto demanded.
"Well, no, but-"
"Have they laid waste to any part of the planet?"
"One of their ships made a really big dent in one of the fields when they first landed.... No, they haven't," the major admitted with a slight sag to his shoulders.
"Then please accept my thanks for your work to date and I would heartily recommend that you and your men sample to local ice cream before you leave," Ianto said affably before turning back to the crowd and scanning it for the probable leaders.
"You're Welsh," one of the people he had mentally tagged declared.
"Wrth gwrs," Ianto said in a reasonable tone of voice. "Who else would Torchwood have for the team in Wales?" he continued in the same language.
"What about her?" someone else asked, looking at Gwen.
"My Tad's from Swansea but my Mam's from Cardiff," Gwen immediately responded. "Tad's family was originally from Tregroes, but they moved to Swansea looking for work."
There was a murmur of approval, but the crowd wasn't done yet. "What about him?" they demanded, pointing at Jack. "He acted like he was in charge but he sounds American."
"Well, yes, he seems American," Ianto agreed blithely, "but that's just because he was born over there. His mother came from around here." He hastily dug into his eidetic memory and found an old newspaper report he had studied while doing some research. "Remember Margaret Pritchard from the big house?"
There was a wave of reaction from the crowd. "He's her son?" someone demanded. "Bloody hell, I thought she got kidnapped by aliens!"
And the aliens were really sorry they'd done it by the time they got as far as Pluto, but by that time, from what we can gather, she'd got them firmly under her thumb and was well on the way to being made Empress. "Now is that likely?" Ianto scoffed, turning a blind eye to the three gigantic alien saucers still hovering over the hills. "No, she went off to America and married someone in Florida."
"Always did think she was touched in the head," someone else muttered. "Come to think of it, he does look like her. Same mad look in the eye."
"Oh yes, he's as mad as a hatter. The entire family is, but this one decided to come home to Wales." The crowd murmured and Ianto swallowed his smirk as he turned back to Jack. "Sir, would you be kind enough to say a few words in Welsh?" he asked, switching back to English.
Jack was giving him one of his unreadable looks, probably feeling a bit paranoid with all the Welsh flying around. "That phrase you taught me okay?" he asked.
"That would be perfect," Ianto assured him.
Flashing him a sudden smile, Jack turned back to the crowd. "Sut i chi gyd? Jack ydw i. Rhydw i'n twpsyn."
Ianto closed his eyes in silent bliss as hours of patient coaching finally paid off. That would teach Jack to not take the time to learn the language of the land he was living in, not to mention refusing to allow Ianto to take punitive action against Owen after the doctor had made sarcastic jokes about spitting! "Thank you, sir, that was perfect," he said appreciatively as he turned back to the crowd, who had now all relaxed and were grinning.
"Now," he said, switching back to Welsh. "Why don't we just sit ourselves down and see what we can do to get this all sorted out?"
OOOO
Several days later, Gwen leaned on a gate and licked at her ice cream in contentment as she gazed out over the field filled with placidly grazing cattle. "I'm still having trouble getting my head around it," she admitted.
"Which bit?" Ianto asked lazily, elbowing Jack gently in the chest as the older man leaned over and tried to nick his ice cream since Jack had virtually inhaled his own. "The bit where there was no invasion, the bit where the farmers were mad at UNIT because they were getting in the way of a good deal, or the bit where it turned out that the Jethri just wanted to come here for a holiday?"
"The bit where it turned out that the Jethri wanted to turn themselves into cows and pig out on the grass!" Gwen growled in exasperation, waving a hand to indicate the herd of happy alien tourists who were munching away like there was no tomorrow.
"Gwen Williams, anyone worth their salt will tell you that Welsh grass is the best on the planet!" Ianto said in scandalised tones.
"Oh, shut up, you Welsh Nash, you," Gwen grumbled, although her ill humour was swiftly banished as Ianto surrendered what was left of his ice cream cone to Jack and proceeded to tickle her unmercifully. "All right, all right, I give in!" she shrieked, her own ice cream falling to the ground. "Jack, save me!"
"I'd rather have saved your ice cream," Jack said mournfully, gazing down at the splattered remains. "Oh well, a hero's work is never done," he observed as he reached out to engulf Ianto in an embrace that soon became a passionate clinch.
"Oh Lord, not again!" the Doctor said in plaintive accents as he climbed up to meet them, several ice cream cones in his hands. "Why is it that you're snogging the life out of that poor boy every time I see you?"
"I dunno," Jack said a little breathlessly as he and Ianto finally broke for air. "Maybe if you'd call by more often you'd see us doing something different," he observed, just before Ianto's hand snaked around the back of his neck and pulled him back for seconds.
"But I wouldn't count on it," Gwen said with a giggle as she reached out to accept the ice cream the Doctor offered her. "Oooh, raspberry!" she exclaimed in delight.
The Doctor smiled absently but continued to watch Jack and Ianto in disapproval. "I'm pretty sure it's illegal to perform a tonsillectomy without a medical licence, you know," he eventually sniffed. When that had no effect, he cast about for another tactic. The ice cream was beginning to melt all over his hand, despite the null-field he had cast with his sonic screwdriver. "So when are you going to tell your young man about how the TARDIS translates all languages, Jack?" he asked heartily.
There was one further moment of uninterrupted kissing before Ianto jerked back and stared at him. "What?"
The Doctor smirked. "Oh yes, lovely trick. She works it so that my Companions and I can understand everything that's said in our hearing, no matter how unfamiliar the language. It does come in useful, sometimes." He smirked as he bounced up and down on his toes. This should be fun.
Ianto turned back to see Jack grinning. "You mean you-"
"Every word," Jack admitted with a broad grin.
"Does this work even if the TARDIS isn't around?" Ianto demanded suspiciously.
"Well it generally means I can understand what I'm hearing but I have to figure out how to speak it myself," Jack said, still smiling. It wasn't often that he saw Ianto so thoroughly off-balance. He thought it was kind of cute.
"So when I was teaching you that little speech..."
"Oh, come on, it was funny!" Jack protested. "How could I resist playing along? Besides," he said as his grin turned lecherous, "I did so love your teaching methods!"
The Doctor groaned and threw up his hands in despair as the pair of them started kissing again. The ice cream cones went flying and landed on the other side of the field, where one of the cows came over to taste the remains curiously. There was an immediate flare of light and in place of the cow was a gelatinous mass coloured a soft mauve with a frill of deep purple tentacles around the base.
"What is this heavenly taste?" the alien demanded in high-breathy tones.
"Oh, that's ice cream," Gwen said after a moment.
"Ice cream? Ice cream? It is food for the gods!" the alien wheezed. The rest of the cattle started to wander in their direction. "There is more? We can partake of more of this ice cream?" the alien asked hopefully. "Oh, this world is a wonder! Wait until the rest of our people hear of the delights that you have to offer!"
"Oh dear," Gwen said before she started to giggle helplessly.
Jack rolled his eyes, he and Ianto momentarily distracted. "Who'd have thought that official first contact would be about cows, grass and ice cream?" he observed with a laugh.
"That's Welsh grass," Ianto informed him, poking him hard in the stomach and grinning at the overdone wheeze Jack made.
"And Welsh ice cream," Gwen said smugly. "That'd better get in the history books, or there'll be trouble." She turned to the Doctor and slipped her hand through his arm. "Come on, you; we'd better get down to the Quay and see about getting this lot their ice cream, otherwise there'll be tantrums before tea."
She dragged a faintly protesting Doctor off in the direction of the town, leaving Jack and Ianto behind.
"Alone at last," Jack said dramatically.
"Well, apart from a dozen or so aliens masquerading as cows, sir," Ianto agreed with a smile.
"Hey, it's our duty, as Torchwood representatives, to educate any alien visitors on the manners and etiquette of the natives," Jack said piously as he dragged Ianto further into the field and out of sight from the gate.
"And that's going to somehow inevitably lead to us having sex al fresco, is it?" Ianto demanded a little breathlessly as he followed Jack's lead in stripping his clothes off.
"Oh, I hope so!" Jack said fervently as he dragged Ianto down into the grass.
OOOO
Translations:
Wrth gwrs : Of course
Sut i chi gyd? Jack ydw i. Rhydw i'n twpsyn.: How are you all? My name is Jack. I'm an idiot.