mmuwahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
THE PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
Her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
~*~
REVENGE
"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman brought to
the counter. As she dug for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a TV
in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she
replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me so I figured this
was the most evil thing I could do to him, legally."
~*~
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how one can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto her upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
~*~
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Ken and
Barbie listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives
know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name
your wife's favorite flower?" Ken leaned over and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury...isn't it?
~*~
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The cashier
notices him and asks if she can help. He answers that he's looking for a box
of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few
minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string
on the counter. She says, "I thought you were looking for tampons"? He
answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes. She came home with a tin of tobacco and
some rolling papers 'cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure
if I have to roll my own ...so does she. (This guy is the one on the back of
the milk carton )
~*~
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for miles, not saying a word. An earlier
discussion led to an argument. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked snidely, "Relatives of yours?" "Yeh," his wife
admitted, "in-laws."
~*~
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "It's because we have to
repeat everything". He eventually turned to his wife inquiringly, "Whaa-at?"
~*~
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time".
His wife responded, "I'll explain. God made me beautiful so
you would be attracted to me, and He made me stupid so I would be attracted to you".
~*~
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning. She said, "You can do it because you get up first, then we
don't have to wait as long." He said, "You're in charge of cooking and
therefore you can do it because that's your job. I can wait." She replied,
"No, you should do it! It's written in the Bible that Man does the coffee."
He replied, "I don't even believe that. Show me!" She found the Bible,
opened to the New Testament, and showed him that at the top of several pages
it indeed says "HEBREWS"
~*~
SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having problems at home and were giving each other
the silent treatment. The man realized that the next day he would need his
wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence and lose, he wrote on a piece
of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." He left it where he knew she would
find it. The next morning, the man woke up to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and
he'd missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go learn why his wife
hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It's 5:00 a.m. Wake up, dear!" [Men are clearly not equipped for
these kinds of contests].
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
Her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
~*~
REVENGE
"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman brought to
the counter. As she dug for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a TV
in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she
replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me so I figured this
was the most evil thing I could do to him, legally."
~*~
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how one can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto her upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
~*~
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Ken and
Barbie listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives
know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name
your wife's favorite flower?" Ken leaned over and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury...isn't it?
~*~
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The cashier
notices him and asks if she can help. He answers that he's looking for a box
of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few
minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string
on the counter. She says, "I thought you were looking for tampons"? He
answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes. She came home with a tin of tobacco and
some rolling papers 'cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure
if I have to roll my own ...so does she. (This guy is the one on the back of
the milk carton )
~*~
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for miles, not saying a word. An earlier
discussion led to an argument. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked snidely, "Relatives of yours?" "Yeh," his wife
admitted, "in-laws."
~*~
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "It's because we have to
repeat everything". He eventually turned to his wife inquiringly, "Whaa-at?"
~*~
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time".
His wife responded, "I'll explain. God made me beautiful so
you would be attracted to me, and He made me stupid so I would be attracted to you".
~*~
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning. She said, "You can do it because you get up first, then we
don't have to wait as long." He said, "You're in charge of cooking and
therefore you can do it because that's your job. I can wait." She replied,
"No, you should do it! It's written in the Bible that Man does the coffee."
He replied, "I don't even believe that. Show me!" She found the Bible,
opened to the New Testament, and showed him that at the top of several pages
it indeed says "HEBREWS"
~*~
SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having problems at home and were giving each other
the silent treatment. The man realized that the next day he would need his
wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence and lose, he wrote on a piece
of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." He left it where he knew she would
find it. The next morning, the man woke up to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and
he'd missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go learn why his wife
hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It's 5:00 a.m. Wake up, dear!" [Men are clearly not equipped for
these kinds of contests].