★２００９年１１月１７-１８日★ Ｔ＿＿Ｔ
Since I cant come tomorrow...and...I want to write this... I write it today.
Today is november 17. One year before... on that day I was in another city for my studies and hanging out with my friends. I had the urge to call my grandparents, I dont know why I had that really strong urge, but when I looked at the clock it was already after 11 pm so I decided I wont bother them...there is always next day.....
always?
2008.11.18... the worst day of my life so far.
It began as every other average day, I still remember I had kanji test that day. After that I met my friends and we hanged out. After it we went to one of my friend's house to watch drama. Proposal daisakusen. It is totally not my type of drama, but one thing made me think: if you could go back in time and change one thing in your life, what would it be? I didnt know at that time...that only after a few minutes... I will know the answer.
After a few minutes my phone rang. My parents... I picked up cheerfully to hear what? The worst news in my life.
father: where are you now?
me: at Pi's (we have rp circle and my rp friends Pi and Jin were there)
father: well....when will you.....be at home? Are you...in a good place?
me: ahahaha what? are you okay? i dont know when I will be at home but hey you want to say something?
at the background I heard my 5 years old brother say: grandpa died, grandpa died.
I started to shiver, oh God I still remember as if it was yesterday.
me: i hear what Mark is saying... is it...true?
I was so hoping my bro is just joking, but my father said: yes.... i am sorry...grandpa died this morning.
I almost fainted and started to cry. my friends were surprised but then they cried with me too. If it was not for them i would have fainted.
What was the thing i wanted to make again if i could turn back time? Call them. Call my grandfather at that moment... the day before at night...
I was living with him in one house, i loved him totally. i didnt have another grandfather, just him. He did everything for me, for us. He worked for us even in the age of 75... he loved us so much and always showed it.
He sacrificed his life for us...for me... His dream was to see me graduate, he was working for that...
My grandma told that the day before, that night... they were speaking about me.My grandma was always worried what will be with me... what did my grandpa say as his last words about me?
"I trust her. You will see, she will make it. She is strong and I believe in her."
God.... grandpa i am so sorry! Am i strong? Will I make it?
I wonder what he would do when he see me now. I stopped university for a while if not for forever, to build my own dream here in Japan...with risks, with hardships and with possibility it wont get fulfilled.
It is amazing how in one day everything can change...
One year before, i was crying in my friend's arm all night long...in my hometown, classes were awaiting me the next day and i went. I went because of him. He said i am strong? He said I can make it? I didnt skip school. No...he wouldnt be proud of me if i would. It was hard but i went.
Now? I am here, in Japan, met and can meet anytime with people i only dreamed of in my home country and thought they are unreachable, doing my own busines...
What would he say? Would he be angry that I stopped uni now? Would he say it is too risky, please stop it? Would he be sad? Or would he say: I trust her.
I feel guilty sometimes... do i betray all of his hard for with stopping uni for a while (and maybe for forever).
Grandpa, wherever you are... forgive me...I love you. I believe you are watching me from above...you are guiding my steps now too as you did all in your life. That you are still next to me...next to us.
I believe you made me meet those people I always wanted to meet with.
Am I doing the right thing? Are you proud of me?
"If I pass away, if I die, dont cry." you always said laughing.
I cant not cry. Is it weakness? I cry now. And I am not ashamed about it.
Meeting and partings come in a set I know, but it is still hard.
But I wont give up grandpa, I wont.
November 17...one year before it was the last day of you on this Earth.
I miss you. Please, keep watching me from above and please rest in peace. I love you for forever and will never forget you.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
REST IN PEACE
Today is november 17. One year before... on that day I was in another city for my studies and hanging out with my friends. I had the urge to call my grandparents, I dont know why I had that really strong urge, but when I looked at the clock it was already after 11 pm so I decided I wont bother them...there is always next day.....
always?
2008.11.18... the worst day of my life so far.
It began as every other average day, I still remember I had kanji test that day. After that I met my friends and we hanged out. After it we went to one of my friend's house to watch drama. Proposal daisakusen. It is totally not my type of drama, but one thing made me think: if you could go back in time and change one thing in your life, what would it be? I didnt know at that time...that only after a few minutes... I will know the answer.
After a few minutes my phone rang. My parents... I picked up cheerfully to hear what? The worst news in my life.
father: where are you now?
me: at Pi's (we have rp circle and my rp friends Pi and Jin were there)
father: well....when will you.....be at home? Are you...in a good place?
me: ahahaha what? are you okay? i dont know when I will be at home but hey you want to say something?
at the background I heard my 5 years old brother say: grandpa died, grandpa died.
I started to shiver, oh God I still remember as if it was yesterday.
me: i hear what Mark is saying... is it...true?
I was so hoping my bro is just joking, but my father said: yes.... i am sorry...grandpa died this morning.
I almost fainted and started to cry. my friends were surprised but then they cried with me too. If it was not for them i would have fainted.
What was the thing i wanted to make again if i could turn back time? Call them. Call my grandfather at that moment... the day before at night...
I was living with him in one house, i loved him totally. i didnt have another grandfather, just him. He did everything for me, for us. He worked for us even in the age of 75... he loved us so much and always showed it.
He sacrificed his life for us...for me... His dream was to see me graduate, he was working for that...
My grandma told that the day before, that night... they were speaking about me.My grandma was always worried what will be with me... what did my grandpa say as his last words about me?
"I trust her. You will see, she will make it. She is strong and I believe in her."
God.... grandpa i am so sorry! Am i strong? Will I make it?
I wonder what he would do when he see me now. I stopped university for a while if not for forever, to build my own dream here in Japan...with risks, with hardships and with possibility it wont get fulfilled.
It is amazing how in one day everything can change...
One year before, i was crying in my friend's arm all night long...in my hometown, classes were awaiting me the next day and i went. I went because of him. He said i am strong? He said I can make it? I didnt skip school. No...he wouldnt be proud of me if i would. It was hard but i went.
Now? I am here, in Japan, met and can meet anytime with people i only dreamed of in my home country and thought they are unreachable, doing my own busines...
What would he say? Would he be angry that I stopped uni now? Would he say it is too risky, please stop it? Would he be sad? Or would he say: I trust her.
I feel guilty sometimes... do i betray all of his hard for with stopping uni for a while (and maybe for forever).
Grandpa, wherever you are... forgive me...I love you. I believe you are watching me from above...you are guiding my steps now too as you did all in your life. That you are still next to me...next to us.
I believe you made me meet those people I always wanted to meet with.
Am I doing the right thing? Are you proud of me?
"If I pass away, if I die, dont cry." you always said laughing.
I cant not cry. Is it weakness? I cry now. And I am not ashamed about it.
Meeting and partings come in a set I know, but it is still hard.
But I wont give up grandpa, I wont.
November 17...one year before it was the last day of you on this Earth.
I miss you. Please, keep watching me from above and please rest in peace. I love you for forever and will never forget you.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
REST IN PEACE