Fic: Leftovers, 7/7
Hi all,
Here's the last chapter. It's a bit long, but there was no good place to cut it, so I decided to leave it all together. I want to thank you all for your terrific support of this fic. It was a labor of love and while I know vulnerable Kara is sometimes hard to take, I just needed to write it.
Thanks again!
TamSibling
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Chapter 7
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“There’s my favorite malcontent.”
Kara glanced up as Helo entered her cubicle, unable to help the smile that broke out on her face at the sight of him. She was beyond glad she had found him on Caprica. It had been a blow to lose him during the initial attacks and a true blessing to find him alive.
“There’s no need for name-calling, toaster-lover,” she shot back with a wide smile as he bent over to give the top of her head a kiss.
“Easy,” he murmured with a twinkle in his eye as he dropped his lanky frame into Lee’s chair.
No, not Lee’s chair, she admonished herself. It was just “a” chair in Life Station … that Lee had spent about ninety-five percent of his time in since her return.
“So, what’s up?”
Kara frowned. “What do you think? I’ve been stuck in here for almost three weeks.”
“True, true.” Helo leaned forward, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “What’s happening with Lee?”
“None of your business,” Kara shot back, but she couldn’t keep the tell-tale smile from her face. And Helo was damn good at reading it.
“So, things are going well, I assume?” He was grinning from ear to ear.
“They’re definitely not bad,” Kara answered coyly. It was true that in the last week, they’d been close; she wasn’t quite ready to admit her involvement with Sam, but Lee had been a solid presence in her life ever since that first nightmare.
“I heard a rumor you might get sprung from this joint soon,” Helo commented.
“Yes, I’ve heard the same one, but no one will give me a definite answer!” She raised her voice, knowing either Cottle or Ishay had to be close. As she suspected, Cottle peeked his head between the curtains.
“Keep your voice down, young lady.”
“Or what?” Kara challenged. “You’ll kick me out?”
“No, I’ll keep you here longer, smart ass. And when Captain Adama shows up at fifteen hundred because I told him you were getting released, maybe I’ll just tell him I got the dates wrong.”
Kara sat up and smiled wide, beaming at the mean old man. “Really? Fifteen hundred?”
“That’s what I said. Now, behave.” And then Cottle was gone.
“Thank the Gods,” Kara sighed, leaning back. She needed to get out of this damn sick bay. It just wasn’t the place for long-term care or long-term comfort and three weeks was her max.
“That’s great news, Buck,” Helo squeezed her hand and then rose, pressing another kiss to her forehead. “I gotta run. I’m on shift in an hour and I still need to head down to the brig and cajole whichever marine’s on duty to let me see Sharon.”
Kara resisted the urge to make a snide remark and simply smiled. “I guess I’ll see you tonight then, in the bunk room.”
He gave her a funny look, like maybe he’d eaten bad fish, before leaving with a hasty, “Yeah, see ya.”
Kara sat back and puzzled over her friend’s odd behavior for only a moment. She was getting out of here in less than three hours; Helo’s random comments didn’t faze her.
---- ----
Helo met Lee at the hatch to the new quarters the Commander had assigned to Kara. He didn’t miss the nervous look on the other man’s face or the way his eyes scanned the room, taking in the double bunk and the extra cot, the small kitchen unit and the private head. He also didn’t miss the glint of anticipation as he instructed Helo to help him get things ready.
As he unpacked a few utensils and dishes, Helo watched Lee work. He made the double bunk with military precision, even being so fastidious as to make sure the corners were up to spec before dumping a few blankets and a pillow on the cot across the way. As he stooped to unpack Kara’s foot locker-the one he had moved from the bunkroom-Helo finally spoke up.
“You realize she might punch you.” Lee glanced up, a puzzled expression on his face. Helo elaborated. “After you tell her about your little domestic plan.”
The Captain had enough forethought to look embarrassed. “That’s not what this is, Helo.”
In truth, Helo knew that. He knew that Lee thought, absolutely and completely, that he was doing the right thing for Kara. That she needed some privacy and maybe some company to finish healing over the next few weeks and get her life back on track. In truth, Helo believed that as well. But he also believed that one of his oldest and dearest friends, Kara Thrace, might not see it that way.
“She’s already shown you way more weakness than I ever would have thought possible.” Helo finished placing the dishes in the cabinet before unpacking a few toiletries. “This might push her over the edge.”
“So what you do you suggest I do?” Lee dropped the tanks he’d been holding and stared at Helo, jaw clenched. “I can’t just let her … I can’t just walk away.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He took a deep breath and then said, “All I’m saying is that make sure that Kara’s with you on this. Make sure you’re not just dragging her along.”
Lee stared at him for another moment. As no other question seemed forthcoming, he nodded towards the hatch. “Why don’t you go get her? I’ll finish up here.”
The other man nodded and then went to the door. As he spun it open, he turned back into the room and gave Helo a genuine smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
Helo only smiled. Once Apollo was gone, he glanced about the small space and sighed. He really hoped Kara didn’t talk herself out of something pretty great with Lee.
---- ----
Kara was happy. She wasn’t often a giddy kind of girl, but at this moment, as Lee pushed her wheelchair, lengthening the distance between her and Life Station, she could safely say she felt giddy.
Of course, the fact that Lee had come to get her, the fact that he had helped her into the chair, the fact that he had told Cottle she’d be fine, was definitely adding to her euphoric state. There was a small part of her-a small, but growing part-that liked Lee’s attention. She liked the fact that she mattered to him, that he cared about how she was, that he wanted to help her be better. It made her feel special. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time.
“We’re almost there, Kara.”
Tipping her head back, she beamed at him, seeing a similar grin reflected on Lee’s face as well. As she again faced front, she took a real interest in their surroundings and asked, “Uh, Lee? Where are we?”
“Lower C deck.”
Okay, so she’d been right-they were a long way from the crew quarters. “Why?”
The hall was deserted. Lee stopped the chair, circling it so he could kneel in front of her. “Cottle suggested to my father that you have private quarters, while you finish healing.”
Kara swallowed hard, doing her best to stifle the immediate bubble of fear that rose in her throat. Private quarters in this somewhat deserted area of the ship meant she’d be alone. She’d been looking forward to the noise and comfort of the bunkroom, of her fellow pilots. She had hoped that with their constant chatter she might be able to fall asleep and awaken without a nightmare in between.
“The bunk is bigger and more comfortable while you continue to heal,” Lee continued, but Kara waved him off.
“And no one will be disturbed by my banshee-like screaming in the middle of the night.”
He flinched and Kara knew she was right. “Whatever,” she murmured, slumping back in her chair. “What if I need something? What if something happens?”
“Cottle’s sending a nurse to check on you every six hours, unless someone’s with you and calls to Life Station saying it’s not necessary.” Lee placed his hand over hers and Kara looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “You’re going to be okay.”
She still wasn’t okay and no one seemed to get that. She shrugged and then crossed her arms over her chest, her momentary burst of giddiness gone and replaced with sullenness that simply masked her growing trepidation. “I’m getting tired. Can we get a move on?”
“Yeah.” Lee rose and pressed a kiss to her hair, before resuming his place behind her and pushing.
Kara stared at her lap the rest of the way. Suddenly, Life Station was looking pretty good.
---- ----
She allowed Lee to help her from the chair and across the room, to help her into bed and tuck her in; she was better, but not quite strong enough to do everything for herself yet. As soon as he set her down on the double bunk, Kara released a sigh. It was softer by far than the Life Station beds and even more comfortable than her rack.
Lying back, she stretched her arms out to her sides, amazed that they spanned the bed without hanging off the edges. She felt like she’d just been given an oasis in the middle of the desert.
“Well, this isn’t so bad,” she commented, glancing up to Lee and immediately feeling the smile slide off her face. His expression was inscrutable, but Kara saw something like longing flash through his eyes before he shook his head and turned away.
“So, the head’s through there,” he said quickly, gesturing to a hatchway. “And there’s a small kitchen unit, obviously here.” It was pretty obvious what with the sink and all. “I couldn’t get any food, but I’ll be back tonight with dinner from the mess.”
Kara opened her mouth to speak, hoping she could say something that might get Lee to tell her what was wrong, but nothing came, before he again started labeling the furniture in the room. “I brought your stuff from you locker down and hung it in here. And this comm. has been rewired directly to the Nurse’s Station in sickbay. If you need anything, even a drink of water, just hit this and they’ll answer.”
She was touched at the thought he’d obviously put into all this, but she still didn’t quite understand his agitated state. Sitting up slowly, she managed to rest her back against the head of the bed, watching as Lee paced a small circle in the center of the room, weaving a path between the two chairs there.
Over his shoulder, she could see another cot and Kara thought that maybe some of the pieces were coming together. She should have been mad that Lee would make such an assumption; before Caprica, she would have been. Now, she found the thought of Lee watching over her didn’t anger her-it comforted her.
Obviously, Lee’s discomfort implied that he was still expecting anger to be her first reaction. She supposed that was fair-it had been her first reaction with him for quite a while now.
“Lee.”
He stopped abruptly at the sound of her voice, glancing to her quickly, eyes flicking over her form as if assessing damage.
Giving him a small smile, she held out her hand. “Can you come here for a minute, please?” He actually hesitated, but did come to her side, taking her hand and sitting down. Deepening her smile, she stated, “You’ve got to calm down.”
Lee finally smiled at that and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I’m a little edgy.”
“A little?” Kara teased. “I’ve seen panthers on a hunt less edgy than you.”
He nodded again, but didn’t elaborate and so Kara let it go. She thought briefly of asking him to stay with her, of doing it for him so he would know she was actually pleased that he cared that much, but it was another layer of weakness she wasn’t quite ready to show.
“Don’t you have CAP?” She eased herself back into a horizontal position, allowing Lee to pull the covers back and tuck her in.
“Yeah, I should go.” He smiled down at her and Kara thought for a moment he might kiss her, but instead, he just squeezed her hand and then headed for the door.
Watching him walk away proved to be worse than she expected. “But you’ll be back with dinner?”
He turned and she saw the promise in his eyes. “I’ll be back at eighteen hundred.” Nodding towards the comm. he’d pointed out earlier, he added, “Remember, if you need anything, just call.”
She nodded and watched as he left, shutting the hatch as quietly as he could. Once he was gone, Kara felt the silence of the room press in upon her. Things hadn’t been this silent for months. She felt so far removed from the fight, from the Fleet, from her life, it was unsettling.
She’d already been too long out of the cockpit. It would take weeks more of physio for her muscles to regain the strength they’d need to pull the kind of Gs she did in her bird. Never mind the fact that before she even thought of getting into her plane, she was going to have to, you know, actually walk on her own.
With a disgusted sigh, Kara rolled onto her side, glad she could at least do that without the gnawing pain she’d been experiencing before. She was looking forward to Lee’s return even though she guessed tonight would be the night she’d finally tell him about Sam.
Luckily, she was too tired to dwell on it for long before falling into a fitful sleep.
---- ----
Lee didn’t make it to the mess to pick up their dinner until nineteen hundred. He hurried through the line as fast as he could, pulling rank and calling in favors to get to the front and secure two plates of algae slop. He wished he had something better to offer Kara, but the fact was, this was it.
Balancing both plates on a tray, he did his best to sprint to her quarters without actually running. It was no small feat.
A squadron of Raiders had ambushed them during CAP, putting two of his pilots in Life Station, hence Lee’s tardiness. He was thankful of course that no one had been killed, but every second he spent seeing to his duty was one more second away from Kara.
He’d promised he’d be back and he was pretty sure Kara was counting on him keeping his word. She hadn’t looked as excited as he’d hoped when he’d shown her the quarters and he was pretty sure it had been fear in her eyes when she’d realized she was expected to bunk there alone. Of course, that could also have been his wishful thinking, but Lee was taking a fifty-fifty chance that his first instinct was right. However, despite what he thought he saw, he still hadn’t mustered the courage to actually ask her if he could stay. For his entire CAP, he’d practiced a dozen different ways to ask. He knew he’d never be able to leave her after dinner. So, he was going to have to figure it out. Do or die. He smirked; it was actually Starbuck’s motto.
Reaching her hatch, he took a deep breath, before doing his best to open it without spilling their dinner all over the deck. He really hoped his instincts were right. Truthfully, never before had so much been riding on them.
---- ----
Despite being isolated from the crew, Kara could acknowledge that a private, double bunk had its perks. She was warm and comfortable and as she hung in-between sleep and wakefulness, she imagined sharing this bunk with Lee, she imagined him climbing in beside her and keeping her safe, allowing her to sleep without dreams. She smiled softly at the thought.
The sound of the hatch opening startled her from her thoughts and she rolled over to again face the door. She sat up slowly, flipping on the lamp at her bedside. As her eyes cleared and she focused on the person standing there, her heart began to beat wildly in her chest. A fresh wave of adrenaline coursed through her body and she threw off her covers, rising on shaky legs.
“You.”
Simon stood in the doorway with a chunk of glass sticking out of the side of his throat, smiling at her placidly and making her blood boil. “Starbuck, this wasn’t very nice.” He waved absently at the glass and the trail of blood down the front of his lab coat.
“Get out.” She took a step forward, guessing she wouldn’t get very far and knowing she’d never be able to actually fight the guy if that’s what it came to. She figured if she could just get to the comm. Lee had rigged, she might have a chance. “How did you even get on board? You’re dead.”
“We don’t die, Kara. Not really, you know that.” Simon took another step into the room.
Kara blinked fast, her vision swimming before her. For a moment, it appeared she was alone, but then she focused again and there he was, standing before her.
She glanced about, praying for any sort of object to lob in his direction, but there was nothing and she cursed silently.
“You can’t kill me, Kara.” He’d moved lightning fast, his hand suddenly at her throat, his body pressed tight behind her as the shard of glass she’d used to bring him down was now poised over her jugular. “Not again.”
“No!” She screamed and threw her elbow back, stumbling as her hit connected with nothing but air. Whirling, she couldn’t see him and Kara shook her head hard, trying to bring the room into focus. “Where are you, you bastard?”
“Kara?”
She whirled toward the sound of Lee’s voice, the sudden movement throwing her off balance. She would have crumpled to the ground if Lee hadn’t rushed to catch her, bringing them both to the floor. Kara searched frantically for the Cylon interloper, but still couldn’t see him.
Panicked, she clawed at Lee’s arms where they were wrapped tightly about her waist. “Where is he? He was here.”
“Who, Kara?”
“Simon, from Caprica.” She still couldn’t find him. Breathing was getting harder now and she felt her heart practically beating out of her chest. “He was here. I swear …”
“Kara, there’s no one here. You’re safe. You’re on Galactica and you’re safe.”
Closing her eyes tight, Kara fought back the tears of disorientation and tried to simply breathe. She felt Lee’s hand travel to the back of her head, felt him gently guide her forehead to his shoulder, felt him shift slightly so he was holding her tightly against him.
She breathed him in and smelled the fresh scent of soap on his skin, a slight mixture of sweat and Viper oil lingering there as well. His presence calmed her as it always had and Kara was suddenly very glad that he’d promised to return. She still felt off-kilter, as if her world could tip off its axis at any minute, but with Lee rocking her gently and his soft voice in her ear, she felt she might actually survive it.
“Let’s get you into bed, okay?”
She nodded. He steadied her first, helping her to stand, and then rose as well. With an arm around her waist, he guided her to the bunk and helped her to lie down.
As soon as her head hit the pillow she rolled to face the wall, giving her back to Lee. “I hate this,” she murmured, taking deep breaths.
“You hate what?” Lee was close; she could feel the heat radiating off his body and through the hand he’d placed on her shoulder.
“Not knowing where I am, hallucinating.” She released a deep sigh. “I just hate this.”
Lee’s hand on her shoulder moved to her back and he began rubbing soothing circles there. “It’s okay, Kara. Everything’s going to be okay.”
She didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, simply doing her best to regain her bearings. Finally, Lee rose and asked, “Are you hungry?”
She rolled over to face him and shrugged. “I guess.”
“Well, I hope so, because Cottle told me I have to make sure you eat,” he told her sternly, before getting the plates and bringing them back to the bed.
She began to eat, taking small bites and chewing her food slowly, almost thoughtfully. Lee watched her out of the corner of his eye, but kept his silence, and she was glad.
He had just cleared his plate, when Kara placed hers, half-eaten, on the table at her side, before drawing her knees up to her chest. Frowning, Lee motioned to the plate. “Kara, you’ve got to eat all of it. I know it tastes awful, but Cottle-“
“Lee.” She couldn’t keep doing this. Couldn’t keep leading him on this way; especially not when he kept looking at her like … like she was his whole world. She didn’t deserve it.
He must have picked up on her solemn mood because he inched closer reaching for her hand. She gave it to him reluctantly, doing her best not to meet his gaze; it would only make her admission harder. “Kara, what is it? Are you all right?”
Taking a deep breath, Kara shook her head, eyes studying her lap. “Lee, there’s something I have to tell you,” she admitted. “About Caprica.”
---- ----
Lee Adama knew that by many standards he was a good person. He was an upstanding officer, a moral man, a decent human being. He believed in doing the right thing most of the time and had only broken the accepted tenets of society when he felt, morally, ethically, that it was the right thing to do.
At this moment, he was not a good person.
Instead of being a good person, instead of being a moral man and a decent human being, he’d fled Kara’s side the minute she’d admitted to her affair with Anders and retreated to the gym. He took little consolation in the fact that he had chosen to take out his frustrations on an inanimate object. It didn’t make him feel any better to know that he was taking out his aggressions on the bag.
Of course, that was mostly because he hated the fact that he had any aggression at all.
There was no reason for his behavior and he knew that too. Kara had flown to Caprica free of any ties to him. She had no reason to feel ashamed for her behavior with Anders, and she had been under no obligation to tell him about it.
It was because of his reaction, because of his penchant for jealousy that she had in the first place. And what had he done to reward her honesty? He’d thrown it in her face and walked out.
Lee took a few more swings at the bag, feeling the sting in his hands. It felt like punishment for his idiocy and he liked that.
“You are an idiot.”
He turned to see Helo standing in the doorway, big arms crossed over his chest, a scowl on his face that could give his father’s a run for his money.
“I know,” Lee panted as he took more swings at the bag. His terse reply did not encourage Helo to leave, as he hoped. Instead, the taller man simply moved into his line of sight, holding the bag as Lee pounded.
“I mean, I have known some idiots in my day, Apollo. Men who didn’t know which end of the gun to hold. True idiots in every sense of the word.” He glared and Lee finally dropped his hands as he added, “But you are by far the biggest idiot I have ever met.”
“I know,” Lee ground out, reaching for a towel and wiping his face. As he struggled to remove the gloves, he added, “Have you seen her?”
“Yeah. I thought I’d stop in and make sure she was settling in okay. Good thing too.”
“Why?” His concern instantly spiked and Lee whirled to face Helo, wondering what could have happened. “Is she all right?”
“What do you think?”
He rolled his eyes. “Right.”
Lee threw the gloves back towards the bin and ripped at the tape on his hands. His knuckles were nice and red and would probably swell by the morning so at least he’d have the reminder of his stupidity when he flew tomorrow.
He could feel Helo’s eyes on him as he paced the room. He thought of Kara’s earlier comment, about him being edgy and he knew she’d been right. He was tense because of this-waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for an obstacle to present itself in the never-ending cycle that was their relationship. And here it was.
“I told her not to tell you.”
Lee had no answer to that, so he just listened. “I told her you wouldn’t take it well and that Anders was part of her past. I told her, ‘you love Lee, not Anders. Don’t make a big thing’.”
“She didn’t listen to you,” Lee told him needlessly.
“Yeah, big surprise there,” Helo muttered. “That’s kind of Kara’s M.O. You give her advice and she does what she wants anyway.”
“I don’t know how not to feel this,” he finally admitted, turning to Helo, looking for advice. “I don’t know how not to react this way.”
“Have you tried?”
“Of course,” Lee bit out, quickly losing his patience. “It’s just … She … And I … I want to …”
“Spit it out, Apollo, we’re not getting any younger.”
“I want to be with her. I want to know we’ve got a chance.”
“And what makes you think you don’t?”
Lee frowned hard and rolled his eyes. “She flew to Caprica and slept with a stranger.”
“After you’d called her slut and punched her,” Helo pointed out helpfully, forcing Lee to again take a deep calming breath. “That is what happened, right?”
He couldn’t actually admit it out loud, not again, so he simply nodded.
Helo sighed heavily before continuing, his tone serious once more. “I get being jealous, man. I get not wanting to share the girl you love with anybody else, but taking that jealousy out on her? I don’t get that. Because you know what? It’s your jealousy, Apollo, and it’s got nothing to do with Kara.”
Lee took a step back as if he’d been pushed, Helo’s words turning over in his mind. He’d never really thought of it that way.
“Think about that for a bit, huh?” The other man approached and clamped him hard on the shoulder, forcing Lee to meet his eyes. “And do not go back to your rack tonight without seeing her first. You’ve got to resolve this.”
Lee nodded absently, already thinking of a dozen apologies. He wondered if Kara would even listen to him. “Is she angry?” He wanted to know what he was walking in to.
“No, man, she’s still in love with your sorry ass.” Helo grinned wide and Lee felt some of the tension in his chest lessen. “But I know her and she can’t take this up and down. It’s too hard for her, Lee.”
Apollo blinked, surprised by Helo’s candor, although he had no idea why. In the few weeks the man had been back with the Fleet, all of his discussions with Lee had been nothing but forthright. But still, such frankness caught him off guard.
“She’d never tell you that, but I will,” he added, before heading for the hatch.
Lee watched him go and then headed for the closest head. He needed to shower off this sweat before going to see her. Helo was right, about many things, most of all that he needed to resolve this-fast.
---- ----
Kara wasn’t sure what she felt. After Helo had gone, she’d felt settled for a while, almost, but not quite ready to fall asleep. Her body was begging her to give in, to close her eyes and get some more rest, but she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe Lee would come back and everything would be okay.
She knew that probably made her pathetic, but Kara did know for certain that she was past caring. Lee’s reaction to Anders had been precisely what she’d expected. Even as he’d left with barely a word, she hadn’t called to him, hadn’t tried to reason with him. She knew he’d leave and deal with it or not. He’d either come back to her or not.
But she wasn’t going to deny that a little piece of her heart was slowly shutting down. She had believed again, no matter how fleetingly, that she might be loved. And Lee’s retreat had taken that hope away. She figured that in a week or so she’d be over it. She’d feel better and be healthier and Starbuck would come back to the fore, pushing Kara into the background where she normally resided. But for the next few days, Kara had no delusions that she was going to wallow. She felt maybe she’d finally earned it.
A knock on the hatch startled her, but Kara didn’t answer it. A half a minute later, the knock came again, followed by Lee’s muffled voice. “Kara, it’s me. Can I come in?”
Kara still didn’t say anything, knowing that eventually, Lee would let himself in. A minute later, he proved her right. She didn’t turn to face him, didn’t even acknowledge his presence when she felt the bed dip slightly behind her. Instead, she waited for Lee to speak.
“Hey,” he said quietly. When she didn’t answer him, he added, “Kara, will you please talk to me?”
Closing her eyes, she sighed. “What do you want me to say? I know I hurt you. I know this is my fault.”
With a heavy sigh, Lee shook his head. “We’ll get to the other thing in a minute. But first of all, you didn’t hurt me, Kara.”
She rolled over, ready to protest, but Lee interrupted. “Hang on, let me finish.” She nodded reluctantly and he continued. “I hurt you and that’s not fair. You were honest with me and my reaction was out of line.”
She blinked once, twice, studying his face, seeing only sincerity there. “I’m not sure I understand.”
He sighed, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck and then with a rueful smile, he met her puzzled expression and shrugged. “I’m an idiot.”
The certainty with which he made this declaration brought laughter to Kara’s lips and she found it bursting out in the loud bray she was known for. Lee’s own gentle laugh soon joined hers and she found herself wiping away tears of happiness for the first time in quite a while.
As the momentary giddiness passed, Kara reached for Lee’s hand and squeezed. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Well, I did and it’s the truth,” he told her with a grin, before leaning down to kiss her. She kissed him back, making an effort to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away before she could. Frowning at him, he simply shook his head slightly and said, “Please forgive me, Kara.”
She inhaled a sharp breath, again surprised by the unencumbered way he’d just asked for her forgiveness. It was decidedly unlike Lee, but at the moment, she didn’t really care. “I do,” she whispered, reaching up a hand and cupping his cheek in her palm. He turned his face to the side and dropped a kiss to her wrist. “If you can forgive me, I can forgive you.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, so let’s call it a clean slate.”
She smiled wider and then sat forward, pressing her lips to his. “I can do that.”
Lee kissed her back, his own lips turning up into a smile. “Good.”
She kissed him again and couldn’t help the emotions that overwhelmed her. With Lee so close and his arms around her, his heart beating in rhythm with hers, she did finally feel safe. Safe enough that she almost forgot the episode of only minutes ago. Safe enough to want to kiss Lee with reckless abandon and let her actions and desire take over.
He pulled her tight to his chest once more, and Kara wove her arms around his neck. Their kiss was heady and breath stealing and she found herself struggling for air soon enough. Pulling away from his mouth, she trailed a line of kisses down his chin, over to his ear and then she latched on to the pulse point there, making him groan in appreciation. She really liked that sound.
His hands spread along her shoulder blades, keeping her close. Warmth spread along every point of contact, making Kara feel as though she were wrapped in the warmest blanket ever made. She could stay here, with Lee, held tight to him, kissing him forever. She was fairly certain of it.
She gasped sharply as one of Lee’s hands moved around to her front and gently cupped her breast. Even through layers of fabric, his soft touch and the knowing way with which he fondled the flesh made her desperate for more. She pushed herself forward, bringing their hips into contact with one another and their mouths fell away as they both let out a delighted cry.
“Kara,” Lee panted her name like prayer, and it only encouraged her to keep kissing him. Her hands trailed down to the edge of his tanks and she pushed and pulled until finally he lifted his arms over his head and let her pull them off. As she took in the sight of his well-muscled chest, she licked her lips and glanced up to him with twinkling eyes.
“The Sun God indeed,” she murmured, bending down and tracing a path around his nipple with her tongue. Lee inhaled sharply at the sensation and so Kara switched to the other side and did it again.
“Kara.” He said her name again and she wanted him to keep saying it. If he did, she’d forget everything else. She’d focus on this moment with Lee and maybe the rest of the world would finally go away.
Running her tongue from the middle of his chest, up his throat and back to his mouth, Kara kissed him passionately, cradling his head in her hands, focused only on kissing him. He indulged her for untold seconds and it was only when they both needed air, that Lee pulled away, holding her gently by the shoulders, stopping her from going any farther.
She pouted, quite annoyed that he had ruined her fun. “What?”
With a slight frown, Lee released her and then leaned over, grabbing his tanks from where she’d discarded them and putting them back on. Her frown deepened. “Lee.”
“Kara.” When he again turned to face her, she saw seriousness on his features and knew he was looking for answers. “Two things: first of all, you’re not well enough for us to … do that,” he stuttered, his ears reddening adorably as he glanced to the bed and back to her.
Thinking she could still salvage this, Kara leaned towards him and placed her hand in his lap. His mind was sending one message, but his body was definitely broadcasting another. “But, don’t you want to?” she whispered hotly in his ear as she closed her hand over his erection and squeezed gently.
“Want to isn’t even the issue,” Lee managed to get out, before rising and stepping out of Kara’s reach. “I want to so bad I can taste it, but you’re not well enough.”
“Lee, I’m fine.” She hated it when he treated her like a china doll. She wasn’t going to break. “Cottle didn’t say I couldn’t.”
“Cottle didn’t say you could either. Do you want me to call him?” He took two steps towards the comm. before Kara stopped him.
“What’s the second thing?” She knew when she was beat.
With a sigh, Lee came back and sat beside her, taking her hands in his. “Second of all, I wanted to ask you something.”
Nodding, Kara looked to him expectantly. He swallowed hard several times, his face fading to a decidedly pale shade. Worrying he might actually pass out, she reached for his hand and prompted softly, “Lee?”
“Look, I know this is really presumptuous, but I was hoping-“
He couldn’t get the sentence out and Kara would have found it cute if she wasn’t worried about what precisely he was trying to say. He rose abruptly, pacing away from the bed and she watched as his eyes focused and lingered on the cot she’d noticed earlier in the day.
Doing her best to keep the teasing lilt from her voice, she asked softly, “Who’s the cot for Lee?”
He turned to her, face flushed red and she knew that he had no idea how to ask. She had to fight her initial instinct to needle him mercilessly, knowing it would not help him get over his discomfort. And might compel him not to stay with her.
“Well, I was thinking-“ He paused again, eyes focused on the decking at his feet, before he let out a heavy sigh and said in a rush, “I thought maybe I could stay with you and make sure you’re okay. If you want,” he added lamely.
Biting her lip, Kara did her best to keep the grin from her face. She couldn’t believe that Lee thought she’d say no, especially after everything; especially after the way he’d just kissed her. She thought about making him sweat it out, but then decided playing games with Lee and his emotions was growing old. Oh, she’d still tease him, certainly, but not about this. Not about how he felt; not about how she felt.
“So, you want to stay on the cot?” she asked, waiting for him to meet her eyes before smiling at him.
When he nodded, she tilted her head to the side as if considering and then said, “Nah. I don’t think so.”
Lee’s face fell so fast it appeared as if she’d just bested him in the firing range. “Oh, well. Okay, I guess I should just-“
“Lee.”
He paused, meeting her eyes hesitantly, uncertainty clearly written on his face. “What?”
She reached a hand out toward him. “Come here.”
He eyed her warily before approaching. As soon as Lee’s hand slid into hers, she tugged on it gently bringing him back to the bunk beside her. Bringing her face to within inches of his, she lowered her voice and told him, “I don’t think you’re going to need the cot.”
Lee’s eyes narrowed as he obviously tried to discern her meaning. Taking pity on him, Kara leaned forward and kissed him, putting everything she felt for him, everything she knew he felt for her into the kiss. In seconds, he responded, mouth opening as his tongue sought out hers. She met his passion with her own, pulling her body flush to his, the passion that had flared between them earlier burning bright once more.
Parting for air, her breath coming in soft pants against his cheek, Kara murmured, “Will you stay with me, Lee?”
The sparkle in his blue eyes made her heart skip a beat even as his lips against her neck sent shivers through her body. “Always, Kara. Always.”
---- ----
Here's the last chapter. It's a bit long, but there was no good place to cut it, so I decided to leave it all together. I want to thank you all for your terrific support of this fic. It was a labor of love and while I know vulnerable Kara is sometimes hard to take, I just needed to write it.
Thanks again!
TamSibling
---- ----
Chapter 7
---- ----
“There’s my favorite malcontent.”
Kara glanced up as Helo entered her cubicle, unable to help the smile that broke out on her face at the sight of him. She was beyond glad she had found him on Caprica. It had been a blow to lose him during the initial attacks and a true blessing to find him alive.
“There’s no need for name-calling, toaster-lover,” she shot back with a wide smile as he bent over to give the top of her head a kiss.
“Easy,” he murmured with a twinkle in his eye as he dropped his lanky frame into Lee’s chair.
No, not Lee’s chair, she admonished herself. It was just “a” chair in Life Station … that Lee had spent about ninety-five percent of his time in since her return.
“So, what’s up?”
Kara frowned. “What do you think? I’ve been stuck in here for almost three weeks.”
“True, true.” Helo leaned forward, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “What’s happening with Lee?”
“None of your business,” Kara shot back, but she couldn’t keep the tell-tale smile from her face. And Helo was damn good at reading it.
“So, things are going well, I assume?” He was grinning from ear to ear.
“They’re definitely not bad,” Kara answered coyly. It was true that in the last week, they’d been close; she wasn’t quite ready to admit her involvement with Sam, but Lee had been a solid presence in her life ever since that first nightmare.
“I heard a rumor you might get sprung from this joint soon,” Helo commented.
“Yes, I’ve heard the same one, but no one will give me a definite answer!” She raised her voice, knowing either Cottle or Ishay had to be close. As she suspected, Cottle peeked his head between the curtains.
“Keep your voice down, young lady.”
“Or what?” Kara challenged. “You’ll kick me out?”
“No, I’ll keep you here longer, smart ass. And when Captain Adama shows up at fifteen hundred because I told him you were getting released, maybe I’ll just tell him I got the dates wrong.”
Kara sat up and smiled wide, beaming at the mean old man. “Really? Fifteen hundred?”
“That’s what I said. Now, behave.” And then Cottle was gone.
“Thank the Gods,” Kara sighed, leaning back. She needed to get out of this damn sick bay. It just wasn’t the place for long-term care or long-term comfort and three weeks was her max.
“That’s great news, Buck,” Helo squeezed her hand and then rose, pressing another kiss to her forehead. “I gotta run. I’m on shift in an hour and I still need to head down to the brig and cajole whichever marine’s on duty to let me see Sharon.”
Kara resisted the urge to make a snide remark and simply smiled. “I guess I’ll see you tonight then, in the bunk room.”
He gave her a funny look, like maybe he’d eaten bad fish, before leaving with a hasty, “Yeah, see ya.”
Kara sat back and puzzled over her friend’s odd behavior for only a moment. She was getting out of here in less than three hours; Helo’s random comments didn’t faze her.
---- ----
Helo met Lee at the hatch to the new quarters the Commander had assigned to Kara. He didn’t miss the nervous look on the other man’s face or the way his eyes scanned the room, taking in the double bunk and the extra cot, the small kitchen unit and the private head. He also didn’t miss the glint of anticipation as he instructed Helo to help him get things ready.
As he unpacked a few utensils and dishes, Helo watched Lee work. He made the double bunk with military precision, even being so fastidious as to make sure the corners were up to spec before dumping a few blankets and a pillow on the cot across the way. As he stooped to unpack Kara’s foot locker-the one he had moved from the bunkroom-Helo finally spoke up.
“You realize she might punch you.” Lee glanced up, a puzzled expression on his face. Helo elaborated. “After you tell her about your little domestic plan.”
The Captain had enough forethought to look embarrassed. “That’s not what this is, Helo.”
In truth, Helo knew that. He knew that Lee thought, absolutely and completely, that he was doing the right thing for Kara. That she needed some privacy and maybe some company to finish healing over the next few weeks and get her life back on track. In truth, Helo believed that as well. But he also believed that one of his oldest and dearest friends, Kara Thrace, might not see it that way.
“She’s already shown you way more weakness than I ever would have thought possible.” Helo finished placing the dishes in the cabinet before unpacking a few toiletries. “This might push her over the edge.”
“So what you do you suggest I do?” Lee dropped the tanks he’d been holding and stared at Helo, jaw clenched. “I can’t just let her … I can’t just walk away.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He took a deep breath and then said, “All I’m saying is that make sure that Kara’s with you on this. Make sure you’re not just dragging her along.”
Lee stared at him for another moment. As no other question seemed forthcoming, he nodded towards the hatch. “Why don’t you go get her? I’ll finish up here.”
The other man nodded and then went to the door. As he spun it open, he turned back into the room and gave Helo a genuine smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
Helo only smiled. Once Apollo was gone, he glanced about the small space and sighed. He really hoped Kara didn’t talk herself out of something pretty great with Lee.
---- ----
Kara was happy. She wasn’t often a giddy kind of girl, but at this moment, as Lee pushed her wheelchair, lengthening the distance between her and Life Station, she could safely say she felt giddy.
Of course, the fact that Lee had come to get her, the fact that he had helped her into the chair, the fact that he had told Cottle she’d be fine, was definitely adding to her euphoric state. There was a small part of her-a small, but growing part-that liked Lee’s attention. She liked the fact that she mattered to him, that he cared about how she was, that he wanted to help her be better. It made her feel special. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time.
“We’re almost there, Kara.”
Tipping her head back, she beamed at him, seeing a similar grin reflected on Lee’s face as well. As she again faced front, she took a real interest in their surroundings and asked, “Uh, Lee? Where are we?”
“Lower C deck.”
Okay, so she’d been right-they were a long way from the crew quarters. “Why?”
The hall was deserted. Lee stopped the chair, circling it so he could kneel in front of her. “Cottle suggested to my father that you have private quarters, while you finish healing.”
Kara swallowed hard, doing her best to stifle the immediate bubble of fear that rose in her throat. Private quarters in this somewhat deserted area of the ship meant she’d be alone. She’d been looking forward to the noise and comfort of the bunkroom, of her fellow pilots. She had hoped that with their constant chatter she might be able to fall asleep and awaken without a nightmare in between.
“The bunk is bigger and more comfortable while you continue to heal,” Lee continued, but Kara waved him off.
“And no one will be disturbed by my banshee-like screaming in the middle of the night.”
He flinched and Kara knew she was right. “Whatever,” she murmured, slumping back in her chair. “What if I need something? What if something happens?”
“Cottle’s sending a nurse to check on you every six hours, unless someone’s with you and calls to Life Station saying it’s not necessary.” Lee placed his hand over hers and Kara looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “You’re going to be okay.”
She still wasn’t okay and no one seemed to get that. She shrugged and then crossed her arms over her chest, her momentary burst of giddiness gone and replaced with sullenness that simply masked her growing trepidation. “I’m getting tired. Can we get a move on?”
“Yeah.” Lee rose and pressed a kiss to her hair, before resuming his place behind her and pushing.
Kara stared at her lap the rest of the way. Suddenly, Life Station was looking pretty good.
---- ----
She allowed Lee to help her from the chair and across the room, to help her into bed and tuck her in; she was better, but not quite strong enough to do everything for herself yet. As soon as he set her down on the double bunk, Kara released a sigh. It was softer by far than the Life Station beds and even more comfortable than her rack.
Lying back, she stretched her arms out to her sides, amazed that they spanned the bed without hanging off the edges. She felt like she’d just been given an oasis in the middle of the desert.
“Well, this isn’t so bad,” she commented, glancing up to Lee and immediately feeling the smile slide off her face. His expression was inscrutable, but Kara saw something like longing flash through his eyes before he shook his head and turned away.
“So, the head’s through there,” he said quickly, gesturing to a hatchway. “And there’s a small kitchen unit, obviously here.” It was pretty obvious what with the sink and all. “I couldn’t get any food, but I’ll be back tonight with dinner from the mess.”
Kara opened her mouth to speak, hoping she could say something that might get Lee to tell her what was wrong, but nothing came, before he again started labeling the furniture in the room. “I brought your stuff from you locker down and hung it in here. And this comm. has been rewired directly to the Nurse’s Station in sickbay. If you need anything, even a drink of water, just hit this and they’ll answer.”
She was touched at the thought he’d obviously put into all this, but she still didn’t quite understand his agitated state. Sitting up slowly, she managed to rest her back against the head of the bed, watching as Lee paced a small circle in the center of the room, weaving a path between the two chairs there.
Over his shoulder, she could see another cot and Kara thought that maybe some of the pieces were coming together. She should have been mad that Lee would make such an assumption; before Caprica, she would have been. Now, she found the thought of Lee watching over her didn’t anger her-it comforted her.
Obviously, Lee’s discomfort implied that he was still expecting anger to be her first reaction. She supposed that was fair-it had been her first reaction with him for quite a while now.
“Lee.”
He stopped abruptly at the sound of her voice, glancing to her quickly, eyes flicking over her form as if assessing damage.
Giving him a small smile, she held out her hand. “Can you come here for a minute, please?” He actually hesitated, but did come to her side, taking her hand and sitting down. Deepening her smile, she stated, “You’ve got to calm down.”
Lee finally smiled at that and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I’m a little edgy.”
“A little?” Kara teased. “I’ve seen panthers on a hunt less edgy than you.”
He nodded again, but didn’t elaborate and so Kara let it go. She thought briefly of asking him to stay with her, of doing it for him so he would know she was actually pleased that he cared that much, but it was another layer of weakness she wasn’t quite ready to show.
“Don’t you have CAP?” She eased herself back into a horizontal position, allowing Lee to pull the covers back and tuck her in.
“Yeah, I should go.” He smiled down at her and Kara thought for a moment he might kiss her, but instead, he just squeezed her hand and then headed for the door.
Watching him walk away proved to be worse than she expected. “But you’ll be back with dinner?”
He turned and she saw the promise in his eyes. “I’ll be back at eighteen hundred.” Nodding towards the comm. he’d pointed out earlier, he added, “Remember, if you need anything, just call.”
She nodded and watched as he left, shutting the hatch as quietly as he could. Once he was gone, Kara felt the silence of the room press in upon her. Things hadn’t been this silent for months. She felt so far removed from the fight, from the Fleet, from her life, it was unsettling.
She’d already been too long out of the cockpit. It would take weeks more of physio for her muscles to regain the strength they’d need to pull the kind of Gs she did in her bird. Never mind the fact that before she even thought of getting into her plane, she was going to have to, you know, actually walk on her own.
With a disgusted sigh, Kara rolled onto her side, glad she could at least do that without the gnawing pain she’d been experiencing before. She was looking forward to Lee’s return even though she guessed tonight would be the night she’d finally tell him about Sam.
Luckily, she was too tired to dwell on it for long before falling into a fitful sleep.
---- ----
Lee didn’t make it to the mess to pick up their dinner until nineteen hundred. He hurried through the line as fast as he could, pulling rank and calling in favors to get to the front and secure two plates of algae slop. He wished he had something better to offer Kara, but the fact was, this was it.
Balancing both plates on a tray, he did his best to sprint to her quarters without actually running. It was no small feat.
A squadron of Raiders had ambushed them during CAP, putting two of his pilots in Life Station, hence Lee’s tardiness. He was thankful of course that no one had been killed, but every second he spent seeing to his duty was one more second away from Kara.
He’d promised he’d be back and he was pretty sure Kara was counting on him keeping his word. She hadn’t looked as excited as he’d hoped when he’d shown her the quarters and he was pretty sure it had been fear in her eyes when she’d realized she was expected to bunk there alone. Of course, that could also have been his wishful thinking, but Lee was taking a fifty-fifty chance that his first instinct was right. However, despite what he thought he saw, he still hadn’t mustered the courage to actually ask her if he could stay. For his entire CAP, he’d practiced a dozen different ways to ask. He knew he’d never be able to leave her after dinner. So, he was going to have to figure it out. Do or die. He smirked; it was actually Starbuck’s motto.
Reaching her hatch, he took a deep breath, before doing his best to open it without spilling their dinner all over the deck. He really hoped his instincts were right. Truthfully, never before had so much been riding on them.
---- ----
Despite being isolated from the crew, Kara could acknowledge that a private, double bunk had its perks. She was warm and comfortable and as she hung in-between sleep and wakefulness, she imagined sharing this bunk with Lee, she imagined him climbing in beside her and keeping her safe, allowing her to sleep without dreams. She smiled softly at the thought.
The sound of the hatch opening startled her from her thoughts and she rolled over to again face the door. She sat up slowly, flipping on the lamp at her bedside. As her eyes cleared and she focused on the person standing there, her heart began to beat wildly in her chest. A fresh wave of adrenaline coursed through her body and she threw off her covers, rising on shaky legs.
“You.”
Simon stood in the doorway with a chunk of glass sticking out of the side of his throat, smiling at her placidly and making her blood boil. “Starbuck, this wasn’t very nice.” He waved absently at the glass and the trail of blood down the front of his lab coat.
“Get out.” She took a step forward, guessing she wouldn’t get very far and knowing she’d never be able to actually fight the guy if that’s what it came to. She figured if she could just get to the comm. Lee had rigged, she might have a chance. “How did you even get on board? You’re dead.”
“We don’t die, Kara. Not really, you know that.” Simon took another step into the room.
Kara blinked fast, her vision swimming before her. For a moment, it appeared she was alone, but then she focused again and there he was, standing before her.
She glanced about, praying for any sort of object to lob in his direction, but there was nothing and she cursed silently.
“You can’t kill me, Kara.” He’d moved lightning fast, his hand suddenly at her throat, his body pressed tight behind her as the shard of glass she’d used to bring him down was now poised over her jugular. “Not again.”
“No!” She screamed and threw her elbow back, stumbling as her hit connected with nothing but air. Whirling, she couldn’t see him and Kara shook her head hard, trying to bring the room into focus. “Where are you, you bastard?”
“Kara?”
She whirled toward the sound of Lee’s voice, the sudden movement throwing her off balance. She would have crumpled to the ground if Lee hadn’t rushed to catch her, bringing them both to the floor. Kara searched frantically for the Cylon interloper, but still couldn’t see him.
Panicked, she clawed at Lee’s arms where they were wrapped tightly about her waist. “Where is he? He was here.”
“Who, Kara?”
“Simon, from Caprica.” She still couldn’t find him. Breathing was getting harder now and she felt her heart practically beating out of her chest. “He was here. I swear …”
“Kara, there’s no one here. You’re safe. You’re on Galactica and you’re safe.”
Closing her eyes tight, Kara fought back the tears of disorientation and tried to simply breathe. She felt Lee’s hand travel to the back of her head, felt him gently guide her forehead to his shoulder, felt him shift slightly so he was holding her tightly against him.
She breathed him in and smelled the fresh scent of soap on his skin, a slight mixture of sweat and Viper oil lingering there as well. His presence calmed her as it always had and Kara was suddenly very glad that he’d promised to return. She still felt off-kilter, as if her world could tip off its axis at any minute, but with Lee rocking her gently and his soft voice in her ear, she felt she might actually survive it.
“Let’s get you into bed, okay?”
She nodded. He steadied her first, helping her to stand, and then rose as well. With an arm around her waist, he guided her to the bunk and helped her to lie down.
As soon as her head hit the pillow she rolled to face the wall, giving her back to Lee. “I hate this,” she murmured, taking deep breaths.
“You hate what?” Lee was close; she could feel the heat radiating off his body and through the hand he’d placed on her shoulder.
“Not knowing where I am, hallucinating.” She released a deep sigh. “I just hate this.”
Lee’s hand on her shoulder moved to her back and he began rubbing soothing circles there. “It’s okay, Kara. Everything’s going to be okay.”
She didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, simply doing her best to regain her bearings. Finally, Lee rose and asked, “Are you hungry?”
She rolled over to face him and shrugged. “I guess.”
“Well, I hope so, because Cottle told me I have to make sure you eat,” he told her sternly, before getting the plates and bringing them back to the bed.
She began to eat, taking small bites and chewing her food slowly, almost thoughtfully. Lee watched her out of the corner of his eye, but kept his silence, and she was glad.
He had just cleared his plate, when Kara placed hers, half-eaten, on the table at her side, before drawing her knees up to her chest. Frowning, Lee motioned to the plate. “Kara, you’ve got to eat all of it. I know it tastes awful, but Cottle-“
“Lee.” She couldn’t keep doing this. Couldn’t keep leading him on this way; especially not when he kept looking at her like … like she was his whole world. She didn’t deserve it.
He must have picked up on her solemn mood because he inched closer reaching for her hand. She gave it to him reluctantly, doing her best not to meet his gaze; it would only make her admission harder. “Kara, what is it? Are you all right?”
Taking a deep breath, Kara shook her head, eyes studying her lap. “Lee, there’s something I have to tell you,” she admitted. “About Caprica.”
---- ----
Lee Adama knew that by many standards he was a good person. He was an upstanding officer, a moral man, a decent human being. He believed in doing the right thing most of the time and had only broken the accepted tenets of society when he felt, morally, ethically, that it was the right thing to do.
At this moment, he was not a good person.
Instead of being a good person, instead of being a moral man and a decent human being, he’d fled Kara’s side the minute she’d admitted to her affair with Anders and retreated to the gym. He took little consolation in the fact that he had chosen to take out his frustrations on an inanimate object. It didn’t make him feel any better to know that he was taking out his aggressions on the bag.
Of course, that was mostly because he hated the fact that he had any aggression at all.
There was no reason for his behavior and he knew that too. Kara had flown to Caprica free of any ties to him. She had no reason to feel ashamed for her behavior with Anders, and she had been under no obligation to tell him about it.
It was because of his reaction, because of his penchant for jealousy that she had in the first place. And what had he done to reward her honesty? He’d thrown it in her face and walked out.
Lee took a few more swings at the bag, feeling the sting in his hands. It felt like punishment for his idiocy and he liked that.
“You are an idiot.”
He turned to see Helo standing in the doorway, big arms crossed over his chest, a scowl on his face that could give his father’s a run for his money.
“I know,” Lee panted as he took more swings at the bag. His terse reply did not encourage Helo to leave, as he hoped. Instead, the taller man simply moved into his line of sight, holding the bag as Lee pounded.
“I mean, I have known some idiots in my day, Apollo. Men who didn’t know which end of the gun to hold. True idiots in every sense of the word.” He glared and Lee finally dropped his hands as he added, “But you are by far the biggest idiot I have ever met.”
“I know,” Lee ground out, reaching for a towel and wiping his face. As he struggled to remove the gloves, he added, “Have you seen her?”
“Yeah. I thought I’d stop in and make sure she was settling in okay. Good thing too.”
“Why?” His concern instantly spiked and Lee whirled to face Helo, wondering what could have happened. “Is she all right?”
“What do you think?”
He rolled his eyes. “Right.”
Lee threw the gloves back towards the bin and ripped at the tape on his hands. His knuckles were nice and red and would probably swell by the morning so at least he’d have the reminder of his stupidity when he flew tomorrow.
He could feel Helo’s eyes on him as he paced the room. He thought of Kara’s earlier comment, about him being edgy and he knew she’d been right. He was tense because of this-waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for an obstacle to present itself in the never-ending cycle that was their relationship. And here it was.
“I told her not to tell you.”
Lee had no answer to that, so he just listened. “I told her you wouldn’t take it well and that Anders was part of her past. I told her, ‘you love Lee, not Anders. Don’t make a big thing’.”
“She didn’t listen to you,” Lee told him needlessly.
“Yeah, big surprise there,” Helo muttered. “That’s kind of Kara’s M.O. You give her advice and she does what she wants anyway.”
“I don’t know how not to feel this,” he finally admitted, turning to Helo, looking for advice. “I don’t know how not to react this way.”
“Have you tried?”
“Of course,” Lee bit out, quickly losing his patience. “It’s just … She … And I … I want to …”
“Spit it out, Apollo, we’re not getting any younger.”
“I want to be with her. I want to know we’ve got a chance.”
“And what makes you think you don’t?”
Lee frowned hard and rolled his eyes. “She flew to Caprica and slept with a stranger.”
“After you’d called her slut and punched her,” Helo pointed out helpfully, forcing Lee to again take a deep calming breath. “That is what happened, right?”
He couldn’t actually admit it out loud, not again, so he simply nodded.
Helo sighed heavily before continuing, his tone serious once more. “I get being jealous, man. I get not wanting to share the girl you love with anybody else, but taking that jealousy out on her? I don’t get that. Because you know what? It’s your jealousy, Apollo, and it’s got nothing to do with Kara.”
Lee took a step back as if he’d been pushed, Helo’s words turning over in his mind. He’d never really thought of it that way.
“Think about that for a bit, huh?” The other man approached and clamped him hard on the shoulder, forcing Lee to meet his eyes. “And do not go back to your rack tonight without seeing her first. You’ve got to resolve this.”
Lee nodded absently, already thinking of a dozen apologies. He wondered if Kara would even listen to him. “Is she angry?” He wanted to know what he was walking in to.
“No, man, she’s still in love with your sorry ass.” Helo grinned wide and Lee felt some of the tension in his chest lessen. “But I know her and she can’t take this up and down. It’s too hard for her, Lee.”
Apollo blinked, surprised by Helo’s candor, although he had no idea why. In the few weeks the man had been back with the Fleet, all of his discussions with Lee had been nothing but forthright. But still, such frankness caught him off guard.
“She’d never tell you that, but I will,” he added, before heading for the hatch.
Lee watched him go and then headed for the closest head. He needed to shower off this sweat before going to see her. Helo was right, about many things, most of all that he needed to resolve this-fast.
---- ----
Kara wasn’t sure what she felt. After Helo had gone, she’d felt settled for a while, almost, but not quite ready to fall asleep. Her body was begging her to give in, to close her eyes and get some more rest, but she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe Lee would come back and everything would be okay.
She knew that probably made her pathetic, but Kara did know for certain that she was past caring. Lee’s reaction to Anders had been precisely what she’d expected. Even as he’d left with barely a word, she hadn’t called to him, hadn’t tried to reason with him. She knew he’d leave and deal with it or not. He’d either come back to her or not.
But she wasn’t going to deny that a little piece of her heart was slowly shutting down. She had believed again, no matter how fleetingly, that she might be loved. And Lee’s retreat had taken that hope away. She figured that in a week or so she’d be over it. She’d feel better and be healthier and Starbuck would come back to the fore, pushing Kara into the background where she normally resided. But for the next few days, Kara had no delusions that she was going to wallow. She felt maybe she’d finally earned it.
A knock on the hatch startled her, but Kara didn’t answer it. A half a minute later, the knock came again, followed by Lee’s muffled voice. “Kara, it’s me. Can I come in?”
Kara still didn’t say anything, knowing that eventually, Lee would let himself in. A minute later, he proved her right. She didn’t turn to face him, didn’t even acknowledge his presence when she felt the bed dip slightly behind her. Instead, she waited for Lee to speak.
“Hey,” he said quietly. When she didn’t answer him, he added, “Kara, will you please talk to me?”
Closing her eyes, she sighed. “What do you want me to say? I know I hurt you. I know this is my fault.”
With a heavy sigh, Lee shook his head. “We’ll get to the other thing in a minute. But first of all, you didn’t hurt me, Kara.”
She rolled over, ready to protest, but Lee interrupted. “Hang on, let me finish.” She nodded reluctantly and he continued. “I hurt you and that’s not fair. You were honest with me and my reaction was out of line.”
She blinked once, twice, studying his face, seeing only sincerity there. “I’m not sure I understand.”
He sighed, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck and then with a rueful smile, he met her puzzled expression and shrugged. “I’m an idiot.”
The certainty with which he made this declaration brought laughter to Kara’s lips and she found it bursting out in the loud bray she was known for. Lee’s own gentle laugh soon joined hers and she found herself wiping away tears of happiness for the first time in quite a while.
As the momentary giddiness passed, Kara reached for Lee’s hand and squeezed. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Well, I did and it’s the truth,” he told her with a grin, before leaning down to kiss her. She kissed him back, making an effort to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away before she could. Frowning at him, he simply shook his head slightly and said, “Please forgive me, Kara.”
She inhaled a sharp breath, again surprised by the unencumbered way he’d just asked for her forgiveness. It was decidedly unlike Lee, but at the moment, she didn’t really care. “I do,” she whispered, reaching up a hand and cupping his cheek in her palm. He turned his face to the side and dropped a kiss to her wrist. “If you can forgive me, I can forgive you.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, so let’s call it a clean slate.”
She smiled wider and then sat forward, pressing her lips to his. “I can do that.”
Lee kissed her back, his own lips turning up into a smile. “Good.”
She kissed him again and couldn’t help the emotions that overwhelmed her. With Lee so close and his arms around her, his heart beating in rhythm with hers, she did finally feel safe. Safe enough that she almost forgot the episode of only minutes ago. Safe enough to want to kiss Lee with reckless abandon and let her actions and desire take over.
He pulled her tight to his chest once more, and Kara wove her arms around his neck. Their kiss was heady and breath stealing and she found herself struggling for air soon enough. Pulling away from his mouth, she trailed a line of kisses down his chin, over to his ear and then she latched on to the pulse point there, making him groan in appreciation. She really liked that sound.
His hands spread along her shoulder blades, keeping her close. Warmth spread along every point of contact, making Kara feel as though she were wrapped in the warmest blanket ever made. She could stay here, with Lee, held tight to him, kissing him forever. She was fairly certain of it.
She gasped sharply as one of Lee’s hands moved around to her front and gently cupped her breast. Even through layers of fabric, his soft touch and the knowing way with which he fondled the flesh made her desperate for more. She pushed herself forward, bringing their hips into contact with one another and their mouths fell away as they both let out a delighted cry.
“Kara,” Lee panted her name like prayer, and it only encouraged her to keep kissing him. Her hands trailed down to the edge of his tanks and she pushed and pulled until finally he lifted his arms over his head and let her pull them off. As she took in the sight of his well-muscled chest, she licked her lips and glanced up to him with twinkling eyes.
“The Sun God indeed,” she murmured, bending down and tracing a path around his nipple with her tongue. Lee inhaled sharply at the sensation and so Kara switched to the other side and did it again.
“Kara.” He said her name again and she wanted him to keep saying it. If he did, she’d forget everything else. She’d focus on this moment with Lee and maybe the rest of the world would finally go away.
Running her tongue from the middle of his chest, up his throat and back to his mouth, Kara kissed him passionately, cradling his head in her hands, focused only on kissing him. He indulged her for untold seconds and it was only when they both needed air, that Lee pulled away, holding her gently by the shoulders, stopping her from going any farther.
She pouted, quite annoyed that he had ruined her fun. “What?”
With a slight frown, Lee released her and then leaned over, grabbing his tanks from where she’d discarded them and putting them back on. Her frown deepened. “Lee.”
“Kara.” When he again turned to face her, she saw seriousness on his features and knew he was looking for answers. “Two things: first of all, you’re not well enough for us to … do that,” he stuttered, his ears reddening adorably as he glanced to the bed and back to her.
Thinking she could still salvage this, Kara leaned towards him and placed her hand in his lap. His mind was sending one message, but his body was definitely broadcasting another. “But, don’t you want to?” she whispered hotly in his ear as she closed her hand over his erection and squeezed gently.
“Want to isn’t even the issue,” Lee managed to get out, before rising and stepping out of Kara’s reach. “I want to so bad I can taste it, but you’re not well enough.”
“Lee, I’m fine.” She hated it when he treated her like a china doll. She wasn’t going to break. “Cottle didn’t say I couldn’t.”
“Cottle didn’t say you could either. Do you want me to call him?” He took two steps towards the comm. before Kara stopped him.
“What’s the second thing?” She knew when she was beat.
With a sigh, Lee came back and sat beside her, taking her hands in his. “Second of all, I wanted to ask you something.”
Nodding, Kara looked to him expectantly. He swallowed hard several times, his face fading to a decidedly pale shade. Worrying he might actually pass out, she reached for his hand and prompted softly, “Lee?”
“Look, I know this is really presumptuous, but I was hoping-“
He couldn’t get the sentence out and Kara would have found it cute if she wasn’t worried about what precisely he was trying to say. He rose abruptly, pacing away from the bed and she watched as his eyes focused and lingered on the cot she’d noticed earlier in the day.
Doing her best to keep the teasing lilt from her voice, she asked softly, “Who’s the cot for Lee?”
He turned to her, face flushed red and she knew that he had no idea how to ask. She had to fight her initial instinct to needle him mercilessly, knowing it would not help him get over his discomfort. And might compel him not to stay with her.
“Well, I was thinking-“ He paused again, eyes focused on the decking at his feet, before he let out a heavy sigh and said in a rush, “I thought maybe I could stay with you and make sure you’re okay. If you want,” he added lamely.
Biting her lip, Kara did her best to keep the grin from her face. She couldn’t believe that Lee thought she’d say no, especially after everything; especially after the way he’d just kissed her. She thought about making him sweat it out, but then decided playing games with Lee and his emotions was growing old. Oh, she’d still tease him, certainly, but not about this. Not about how he felt; not about how she felt.
“So, you want to stay on the cot?” she asked, waiting for him to meet her eyes before smiling at him.
When he nodded, she tilted her head to the side as if considering and then said, “Nah. I don’t think so.”
Lee’s face fell so fast it appeared as if she’d just bested him in the firing range. “Oh, well. Okay, I guess I should just-“
“Lee.”
He paused, meeting her eyes hesitantly, uncertainty clearly written on his face. “What?”
She reached a hand out toward him. “Come here.”
He eyed her warily before approaching. As soon as Lee’s hand slid into hers, she tugged on it gently bringing him back to the bunk beside her. Bringing her face to within inches of his, she lowered her voice and told him, “I don’t think you’re going to need the cot.”
Lee’s eyes narrowed as he obviously tried to discern her meaning. Taking pity on him, Kara leaned forward and kissed him, putting everything she felt for him, everything she knew he felt for her into the kiss. In seconds, he responded, mouth opening as his tongue sought out hers. She met his passion with her own, pulling her body flush to his, the passion that had flared between them earlier burning bright once more.
Parting for air, her breath coming in soft pants against his cheek, Kara murmured, “Will you stay with me, Lee?”
The sparkle in his blue eyes made her heart skip a beat even as his lips against her neck sent shivers through her body. “Always, Kara. Always.”
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